Ending a Relationship Forum - Looking For Some Advice -> Mostly Trying Not to Go Crazy.

Here is the background:

i have been married for 16 years and have 3 girls.....

After our first child was born (age 12 now) we had one of our biggest arguments about going back to work vs. Staying at home (i wanted her to stay at home a bit longer but she did not enjoy it one bit). This created a large enough tension that we decided to split up. Then I found out that she was "involved" with a high-school friend of mine (who was married) and I was devastated!!

After a few months, she talked me back into the marriage and we moved on.

Fast forward 2 years later, we tried to have our second child but were having problems. My wife was on fertility drugs and after several miscarries and a few years we had our second child. This also caused great stress in our marriage but during this time I was saved and so was my wife. We were involved with friends from church and all seemed to go well.

Then my job began to layoff people and also my farther was sick in florida, so I started applying to southern companies. An opportunity in ga came up and we discussed the impact and agreed as a family to make the move.

From the first day my wife stepped foot in ga, she began to complain and tell me how much she hated it and how I brought her to this awful place. I had signed a 2 year relocation deal so I was committed to the area. This caused stress in the marriage but we found a good church and friends and were able to overcome it (sort of).

Fast forward 1 year, wife found a job in the same company I was employed. It was a customer service job and she went through a few months of training with a class. This is where “he” (lets call him the devil or mr. D. Came into my life).

She was in training with mr. D. (a 25 year old - ten years younger then us) and it turns out that she was moving away from the marriage and towards mr. D.
When it seemed that we were both at the end of our ropes, she suggested counseling (not thinking that I would agree) and we went. I learned alot and proceeded to change my ways in order to save the marriage. She was not sure what she wanted to do because she did not want to hurt mr. D. Even though the counselor suggested that she stop seeing mr. D. And focus on the marriage. She did not want to do that.

Finally after our vacation, I found an email from mr. D. To my wife with some explicit stuff and I confronted them both and told him the truth (which caught him a bit by surprise since he realized that he was being played (actually both of us)).

This is about the time my wife got pregnant and she assured me that her and mr. D. Never had relations (just kissing). But now she felt that she had to make the marriage work because of the new baby (stuck!). I was thrilled at having the new child (not so much the wife) and we proceeded.

By this time, my commitment to ga had expired and I started to apply elsewhere (because of mr. D.- but also looking for a better life for my daughters). An opportunity in tx came up and we had very detailed discussions (since I knew how the ga move had turned out). We agreed that this was a blessing and good for the kids so we moved.

The baby was born in tx and the wife was extremely depressed and angry at me for this baby (baby was a bit fussy and wife blamed me for wanting this baby). So she planned a trip back to ga to see friends before the girls’ school started. I thought it would be a good way for her to clear her head.

Upon her return to tx, she proceeds to tell me that mr. D. Wanted a paternity test. He had seen pictures and insisted in one.
I was destroyed but I prayed about it and committed myself to the marriage and my child. The test was in favor of mr. D. (who by the way smokes and lives with his brother in a bachelor pad).

I stated that we would fight together and do all that we could to restrict access to the baby. Mr. D. Insisted on seeing the baby but once he knew that I had gone to an attorney he was devastated and wrote a nasty email (basically saying goodbye).

Here we are a few weeks later and my wife tells me that she feels bad about mr. D. Since it is his first child. And when I tell her that there are only 2 conditions that mr. D. Will get to see this child:
1) upon my deathbed, 2) judge prying her out of my hands
she gets upset at me because I do not have sympathy for
mr. D. Just anger.

She is right, I love everyone and I forgive mr. D. But I don't ever want to see him and I would not shed a tear at his funeral! (not the right christian mindset – I know).

Now I am not sure if my wife will divorce me over this because she thinks that our marriage cannot survive such a blow and she feels that the baby deserves to know her father. I told her that she does know her father – me! (mr. D. Is just a sperm donor) - she really got upset!!

Now I have doubts - I am committed to the marriage but how can I fight the battle with her on the side of mr. D. And can I trust her again or am I just a fool!?!

I need to make a decision while I am still young (36) but I have 3 girls and 16 years of marriage that I need to think about.

I do not want to say that I am the easiest person to live with. I can be tough but I am healthy, godly, hard worker with a great career and provide a great living for my girls but that may not be enough!

I just needed to share this with someone so I do not go nuts thinking about it!!