18yrs And She Want's a Divorce? Posted: 09-05-06 07:34am
Yesterday my wife told me she needs a
divorce and she can't do this anymore. We
have had kind of a ruff year and things
were getting pretty bad. We were at the
point of not enjoying each others company
any longer. She told me she no longer is
"in love with me". That I have pushed her
away and i'm no longer a happy person to
be around. I have been verbaly abusive in
the past, and we have gone over this a
million times and I still didn't get it.
Now that she wants to leave, I get it.
All these years and great memories are
just coming to a halt. A few weeks ago
she strayed and cheated on me, the first
time either of us has ever strayed in 18
yrs. Since she did that , we have been up
and down , back and forth for 3 weeks. I
thought this was just something that most
couples go through and that if I let it go
and forgive her that she could forgive me
for my horriable langauge. She says that
she has already made up her mind months
ago and that this is whats right for her.
I on the other hand love this women with
all my heart," till death do us part"
like I promised . ..She has decided to
move to another state far away , leaving
me hopeless. I know once she leaves thats
it she is never coming back. I'm so torn
up and don't know what to do. I begged
and pleaded with her for hours on hours
yesterday ,and she was as cold as ice.
This is her decision and it took a lot for
her to come to these terms and that she
can not change her mind , no matter what.
This the hardest thing I have ever had to
come to terms with. I love my wife more
than anything in the whole world but it
just to late for me to mend her broken
heart once again. I feel so sorry and
regret every word that ever pierced her
heart. I want to make good on my vows to
her, but it just is too late. I don't
know how to deal with this rejection from
her. She has always been forgiving and
accepting of me in every way and now it
just out of the question. I feel lost and
all alone even though I have friends to
support me I just want my love of my life
back , and want to show her how I can make
it better and make things work but she
said it too late for that her heart can't
do it again. Any advice would be welcomed
.....Feeling emplty and worthless.
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zam13
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Sep 2006 Posts: 2
Posted: 09-05-06 12:54pm
Thanks to all the loving caring people out
there...Good advice
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Emma2
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2006 Posts: 4406 Location: Montreal, Canada
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 09-05-06 13:22pm
Still using your sharp tongue I see. I
guess you havent leaned a single thing !
You deserve it. A little too late now
buddy. 18 yrs of verbal abuse is 18 years
too long. Dont expect any woman to feel
sorry for you because I would never give
an abuser of whatever form the benefit of
the doubt. Get yourself some counselling
and start looking within yourself and
fixing yourself and let the women be. Its
too late!
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 09-05-06 13:28pm
If you abused her, how can she stay with
you?
Last edited by sandyallen on 09-05-06 14:55pm; edited 1 time in total
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linus56
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jun 2006 Posts: 7 Location: Midwest
Posted: 09-05-06 14:35pm
You can't force your partner to do
anything she doesn't have any interest in,
but you do have control over your own
actions, so seeking advice from a
professional counselor and looking within
yourself a bit will be helpful to you, and
it could have an impact on your
relationship. People sometimes tend to
leap to the word 'abuse' to describe any
action they don't like, but if in fact you
agree that you've been abusive, you need
to find the cause of that before you can
have a healthy relationship with anyone.
Sometimes those old adages are so
true--before you can make someone else
happy, you have to basically be happy
yourself. Work on that, and you'll learn
more about why you feel and behave as you
do (good or bad), and maybe your wife will
see that you're sincerely trying to
improve yourself and react, but more
importantly, you will feel better for
taking ownership of your own happiness and
emotions.
I feel for you--i'm going through a
similar situation, and it's tough. You
have to accept a level of uncertainty and
try to be the best person you can. Good
luck. You're not alone, there are lots
of fine people going through the same
painful experience.
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Emma2
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2006 Posts: 4406 Location: Montreal, Canada
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 09-05-06 14:46pm
I dont feel for him...Its not like he
abused her once..He did it for 18 yrs and
they always regret when its too late!
Tough luck! Get counselling and move on!
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 09-06-06 14:24pm
emma2
wrote:
i dont feel for him...Its
not like he abused her once..He did it for
18 yrs and they always regret when its too
late! Tough luck! Get counselling and
move on!
i agree. Abuse is abuse
no matter how many times you do it or how
long it goes on for.It hurts and when she
got over it it was all
over.You should have thought about how
much you loved your wife before you did
all that to her. . .
