I've never actually taken anything for
this, but at the same time i'm wondering
if I might just have ocd instead of
generalized anxiety. I just obsess about
everything, and i've had many panic
attacks over this. I've done well with
trying to use cbt (cognitive behavioral
therapy aka talking myself out of
it/making myself stop the negative
thoughts), but at times my brain still
goes into what I say is overdrive and I
simply cannot stop it. It's gotten to
where i've had hallucinations at night
(just recently they've stopped, but they
tend to stop and return), and as much as I
didn't want to believe what I saw was true
I couldn't help it. The feeling was too
intense, and I closed my eyes in the case
that if I did die that my eyes would be
closed and maybe i'd be spared somehow. I
did that for a few weeks, and within that
time I couldn't sleep at all.. Having the
lights on didn't help at all. Sleeping
during the day did no good. As sad and as
childish as this sounds I sleep with my
monitor on at night because i'm still
afraid, and I try my best to not open my
eyes or even think much while i'm in bed.
I refuse to take medicine for it though,
plus I have no health insurance anyway so
I suppose i'm just stuck with this
regardless. I just hate it intensely.
I've had this problem since I was a kid.
Everyday when I wake up feels like an
automatic weight is on my back because it
has exhausted me for so long, and every
night when I go to sleep I know the burden
of these feelings will only return the
next day. I'm not saying that I have it
worse than anyone else in the world; I
just want to live one day without feeling
like i'm being suffocated from something
that I can't get away from. My parents
don't understand it, my boyfriend listens,
but all I can seem to get out of him is
negative comments about how he's afraid of
how my mental health is only going to get
worse as time goes on. They can't
understand why I don't care to make myself
happy rather than others. I just feel
like after so long making myself happy
only happens through others because
there's always so much on me that I
*can't* enjoy anything for myself without
always having some sort of worry or
obsession over something in my life.
It just makes me feel so hopeless at
times. As much as I try to hide feeling
this way, it always rears its ugly face
when i'm alone :(
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Littlemisstery Posted: 09-13-06 13:11pm
You are not alone and I canot say you are
better or worse because in the 1st place I
am not a dr and I don't know you and
everyone else. Cbt has helped alot of
people, I understand where you are coming
from with the meds but you never know,
they might help you and I understand where
you are oming from about not having any
insurance. Have you ever thought about
mental healt, please don't take me wrong,
I am not trying to say that you are crazy,
their are times we all need a little help
and if they cannot help you then they can
lead you in the right direction as they
have helped a lot of people. I am not
here to judge you, just to help you as I
know that writing things down helps and I
am here for you and would like to see you
get the help you need.
All the best!
|
littlemisstery
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2005 Posts: 95
Not Really An Option.. Posted: 09-17-06 01:25am
Honestly I don't think we even have a
mental health clinic in my area.. Heh we
don't have much of anything in terms of
healthcare for people like myself that
can't afford to pay for visits to
different doctors, unless I get pregnant,
and even then my healthcare would be very
limited (plus i'm not about to have a
child if I can't even support myself yet).
I'm frustrated and about at the point of
just letting go, because i'm slowly losing
parts of my life along with having to deal
with this too. It's too much for me to
take at once.
