My 18 year old niece has found herself
with an unwanted pregnancy. On her own,
she has chosen to abort. The decision
was made and appt. Set prior to her
contacting me today.
This was a huge decision for her not only
because of the standard reasons but
because we come from a very right winged,
religious and very anti abortion family.
She even considered herself anti abortion
until this week. Please take not that I
am not using the term "pro life", my
family isn't pro life - they are anti
abortion - I am not sure I can explain the
difference - but there is one :)
her father (my brother) is a minister in
their community, so one of her reasons for
having the abortion is to spare him the
embarrassment. Now, I don't necessarily
agree with that, however I do agree with
her that she is too young and as freshman
in college on a full scholarship has a
bright future in front of her and having a
child wouldn't be fair to her or the
child.
I complete disagree with most everything
my family thinks - so I fully support her
decision, however I would have supported
her decision for parenthood or adoption as
well.
My question is two-fold, I have talked
about the risks of a medical abortion with
a friend of mine who happens to be an md.
He mildly suggested that he would
recommend surgical even though she is only
at 3 weeks. Plan b failed when taken on
day 3. He thinks that the pill is safe
enough, but was concerned that she might
not take it as seriously as a surgical
procedure to ensure her safety afterward.
I live 2 hours (without traffic) away
from her and since no one else knows of
her circumstance, that is concerning for
me. In your experiences will she be okay
without someone there? From a distance
how can I gauge whether or not to pull the
plug and get her help?
Secondly and most importantly - do any of
you have any advice on how I can support
her through this. With our family
background - there will most likely be a
large degree of guilt for her.
I appreciate any counsel that any of you
might have - I have only been in this
circumstance once and plan b worked for me
- so I am at a loss.
|
Tylanas
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Posted: 09-17-06 10:36am
Well, it sounds like she's fairly
respinsible and has he head on her
shoulders, as she was able to come to her
own desicion without people pressuring
her. So she seems like a good candidate
for a medical abortion, and being able to
handle the unique challenges that come
with it. However, if you are concerned
you could always spend a day or night with
her. If she's at a college, many of them
allow overnight visitors to dorms,
especially if the visitor is a family
member and/or the same gender.
Hopefully carifairy or jenn will be on in
the next few hours with more hard-core
medical help for you :)
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WorriedAunt
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Posted: 09-17-06 11:57am
eiri
wrote:
well, it sounds like she's
fairly respinsible and has he head on her
shoulders, as she was able to come to her
own desicion without people pressuring
her. So she seems like a good candidate
for a medical abortion, and being able to
handle the unique challenges that come
with it. However, if you are concerned
you could always spend a day or night with
her. If she's at a college, many of them
allow overnight visitors to dorms,
especially if the visitor is a family
member and/or the same gender.
Hopefully carifairy or jenn will be on in
the next few hours with more hard-core
medical help for you
:)
thank you!
|
WorriedAunt
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Re: Concerned Aunt Posted: 09-17-06 11:59am
stillherelosers
wrote:
worriedaunt
wrote:
she even considered herself
anti abortion until this
week.
but of course... The "my abortion is
the only moral" one type. I say you rat
her out and make her accept the punishment
of pregnancy... Just as she would do to
another woman.
people live and learn - as far as I am
concerned there is nothing to "rat out".
This is no ones business but hers. Good
day.
|
sandyallen
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Worried Aunt Posted: 09-17-06 13:50pm
It sounds like your .Niece has a good head
on her shoulders and with it being an
unplanned pregnancy she is not ready to
raise a child or go through being pregnant
fo nine months, sure you can talk to her
and she might change her mind but in the
long run it is her body and her choice and
she must live with the consequenses.
There are a lot of females that say that
they well never have an abortion that end
up having them, she does not sound like
she is ready to raise a child and put her
college on hold or have someone else raise
the baby or have the help raising it, if
you really love her you will try to
understand whatever her choice may be,
eventhough it may not be something that
you may not do but because you love her
you will forgive her or try to understand
her reasonings and if she hasn't had the
abortion yet she may back out, who knows
but you do have to remember that it is her
body and it is her choice.
All the best!
|
Carifairy
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Posted: 09-17-06 17:08pm
Personally, I prefer surgical abortion to
medical abortion. The bleeding during med
abortion is extremely heavy, and the pain
is worse than a meidcal abortion. A
medical abortion takes up to 8 hours to
complete, but most women average 4 hours
..It is an induced miscarriage with
contractions and cramping, I would think
her family would notice that something was
up.
During a surgical abortion you can pay a
little extra money and get iv sedation, or
general anesthesia and be put to sleep. I
don't reccomend it awake because obviously
it hurts, and sometimes pain can make an
already stressful situation much harder to
handle..You know? Surgical is much more
quickly done, and is better imo.
Here is a list of aboriton clinics.. It
has their websites, how much they charge,
and what type of anesthesia is
available.
i work in an abortion clinic, and if you
have any questions feel free to ask =)
|
WorriedAunt
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Re: Worried Aunt Posted: 09-17-06 18:20pm
sandyallen
wrote:
it sounds like your .Niece
has a good head on her shoulders and with
it being an unplanned pregnancy she is not
ready to raise a child or go through being
pregnant fo nine months, sure you can talk
to her and she might change her mind but
in the long run it is her body and her
choice and she must live with the
consequenses. There are a lot of
females that say that they well never have
an abortion that end up having them, she
does not sound like she is ready to raise
a child and put her college on hold or
have someone else raise the baby or have
the help raising it, if you really love
her you will try to understand whatever
her choice may be, eventhough it may not
be something that you may not do but
because you love her you will forgive her
or try to understand her reasonings and if
she hasn't had the abortion yet she may
back out, who knows but you do have to
remember that it is her body and it is her
choice.
All the best!
thanks - I may not have been clear though
- I fully support her decision - I think
that it is absolutely the best possible
solution. I would make the same decision
in her situation. I don't agree with how
she came to her conclusion because I do
believe that this is completely her
decision and shouldn't be influenced by
how others may feel about an unplanned
pregnancy etc.
|
WorriedAunt
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Posted: 09-17-06 18:22pm
carifairy
wrote:
personally, I prefer
surgical abortion to medical abortion.
The bleeding during med abortion is
extremely heavy, and the pain is worse
than a meidcal abortion. A medical
abortion takes up to 8 hours to complete,
but most women average 4 hours ..It is an
induced miscarriage with contractions and
cramping, I would think her family would
notice that something was up.
During a surgical abortion you can pay a
little extra money and get iv sedation, or
general anesthesia and be put to sleep.
I don't reccomend it awake because
obviously it hurts, and sometimes pain can
make an already stressful situation much
harder to handle..You know? Surgical is
much more quickly done, and is better
imo.
Here is a list of aboriton clinics.. It
has their websites, how much they charge,
and what type of anesthesia is
available.
i work in an abortion clinic, and if you
have any questions feel free to ask
=)
seems that surgical is the general
consensus - thanks. The clinic she is
going to is on your list - so that makes
me feel better.
What are your thoughts about me staying
down there? It is complicated but I can
probably make the arrangements if
necessary.
|
sandyallen
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Worried Aunt Posted: 09-17-06 18:34pm
I understand now! Cairifairy is a lot of
help here! I would trust her
information!
Last edited by sandyallen on 09-17-06 18:47pm; edited 1 time in total
|
jenn_smithson
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Posted: 09-17-06 18:39pm
worriedaunt
wrote:
carifairy
wrote:
personally, I prefer
surgical abortion to medical abortion.
The bleeding during med abortion is
extremely heavy, and the pain is worse
than a meidcal abortion. A medical
abortion takes up to 8 hours to complete,
but most women average 4 hours ..It is an
induced miscarriage with contractions and
cramping, I would think her family would
notice that something was up.
During a surgical abortion you can pay a
little extra money and get iv sedation, or
general anesthesia and be put to sleep.
I don't reccomend it awake because
obviously it hurts, and sometimes pain can
make an already stressful situation much
harder to handle..You know? Surgical is
much more quickly done, and is better
imo.
Here is a list of aboriton clinics.. It
has their websites, how much they charge,
and what type of anesthesia is
available.
i work in an abortion clinic, and if you
have any questions feel free to ask
=)
seems that surgical is the general
consensus - thanks. The clinic she is
going to is on your list - so that makes
me feel better.
What are your thoughts about me staying
down there? It is complicated but I can
probably make the arrangements if
necessary.
since cari gave you the
medical info, i'll try to help with this
portion.
Ask your niece if she would like you to
stay with her. Most likely, it will be
rough for her for a few days but she
should be just fine after her hormones
return to closer to normal levels. Since
she came to the decision on her own,
there's no reason to suspect that she will
have lingering issues (every woman is
different but the statistical odds are
that she will do just fine).
If she thinks she'll need you, then you
can choose to make plans to be near her.
If she thinks she'll be alright, just keep
in close contact after everything is over
with. She'll probably need a kind,
compassionate, non-judgmental person to
speak to and she's very lucky that one
such person is her aunt.
Best of luck to both of you. Keep us
posted if you have any more questions.
Peace,
jenn
|
WorriedAunt
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Posted: 09-17-06 21:02pm
Thanks to all who have replied, I truly
appreciate the guidance. I think that to
be safe I am going to book a hotel in the
area and play it off as a business trip...
I have clients in the area so a sunday
am tee time shouldn't be too hard to pass
:)
|
Tylanas
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Posted: 09-17-06 21:46pm
Could someone please delete stillhere's
anti-choice and anti-support posts? I'd
do it, if I could.
|
sandyallen
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Worried Aunt Posted: 09-18-06 15:38pm
I am sorry that I mis-understood you. I
can understand you being worried about
your. Niece!
All the best to you both!
|
Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3523 Location: Bliss
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Posted: 09-18-06 18:48pm
Although not an appropriate place, nor
worded in an appropriate manner,
"stillherelosers" has a valid point.
Many women are anti-abortion until they
are sitting there in the bathroom with the
+ sign on the stick. Then reality hits,
and who you once thought you were you must
now rethink. I wish I could get this
across to many of the men who are
anti-abortion. They will not have to
face this reality, and they will never
have this epiphany many women do. It is
very easy to say..."oh, I would never...Do
this, do that" but when you are faced with
making these decisions is when you really
find out what you would or would not do.
|
Birch
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Posted: 09-19-06 18:06pm
Edit
|
Tylanas
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Posted: 09-19-06 18:08pm
I believe carifairy and jenn have posted
anecdotal experience with this, and there
was a very long article copied to the
pro-choice forum about it as well.
|
jenn_smithson
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Posted: 09-19-06 19:08pm
eiri
wrote:
i believe carifairy and jenn
have posted anecdotal experience with
this, and there was a very long article
copied to the pro-choice forum about it as
well.
a study would be nearly
impossible to perform because you would
have to identify "prolife" women who would
be willing to admit that they had an
abortion. Survey data would be useless
due to problems with social desirability.
|
Tylanas
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Posted: 09-19-06 20:36pm
There was still an article on it. I
didn't say "data" or "survery", I said
article because that is what it was.
|
Birch
Supporter
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Posted: 09-20-06 11:15am
I'm just so glad that my non
offensive-hoping for education- remarks
were just wiped right out. After all,
i'm well known for my offensive attacks of
other posters and my desire to crucify
those that don't agree with my point of
view.
Perhaps a moving of topics was called for
instead of a pure deletion.
Can we could move the posts starting from
my original post in this thread on to the
'abortion debate' forum? Please? :d
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