I need some help. I am 22 and in a
serious relationship. We have been
together for almost a year. I am a
virgin and would really like to move our
relationship to the next level.
However, I have had some very bad
experiences in the past, which have left
me slightly nervous about sex. When I was
18 my boyfriend at the time tried to rape
me. Nothing happened, he didn't rape me
and we broke up. I have never told anyone
except my present partner. I feel quite
guilty about being ashamed of this as I
was not raped and should be grateful, as
thousands of other women were not so
lucky.
Every time since that incident I have been
very anxious about sexual intercourse and
would never let things get to serious in
relationship. However with my new
boyfriend I feel confident and wish to
have sexual relationship with him. He has
never once pressured me and says he will
wait until I feel comfortable enough to
have intercourse with him. But whenever
we try to have sex I totally clamp up and
he can get inside me. The doctors
couldn't even do a spear test because I am
so tight. I heard about a condition -
vaginismus. This is an involuntary muscle
spasm at the opening of the vagina when
sexual intercourse is attempted; can be
quite painful and may make sexual
intercourse nearly impossible.
How can I find out if this is what I have?
And how can it be treated? If this
isn’t what I have, who can go to for
advice?
Thanks
|
singledad
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 86 Location: New Mexico
Posted: 09-19-06 22:14pm
Not an expert, but you may have to take
matter into your own hands - literally -
you need to manually dilate your tweeter
there.
A lot of it may be psychological,
definitely sounds that way in your case,
but knowing that doesn't neccesarily help,
as it appears to be an involuntary reflex
action.
I would be very careful about intercourse
untill your can remain dialted - if you
spasm while he's inside you they'll have
to throw a bucket of cold water on him so
he can disengage - your gonna be on oral,
finger banging and jilling off for a while
i'm afraid.
Typically, dilators are prescribed, along
with relaxation excercises, the key is to
dilate the vagina, and relax the
pubococcygeus muscle. Your best bet might
be to try anal plugs, teardrop shaped,
they have a tapered tip that will be
easier to work in.
Very hard, smooth ones might work better
at first. Glass even, if you can find
them, but i'd stick with the bigger ones,
a thin one might break even though they
should be tempered glass. The very large
tempered glass anal plugs should be safe,
though expensive - you can place them on
the floor and work it - you don't have to
get the whole thing in, just dilate the
opening.
Convincing your bf to swab the lilly might
help too - if you can orgasm, it should
relax those pubococcygeus muscles some,
adn if he's present at these sessions, it
might ease some of the stress that's
causing it.
I'd recommend anal, but i'm entirely sure
that you wouldn't encounter the same
problem - see the "thinking about trying
anal" thread for technique tips on vaginal
dilation, which is similar to anal
technique - doubt if you'll be able to do
fisting anytime soon either, but short of
full fisting, the approach techniques are
similar, lubrication, patience, etc.
See if you can get to the point where you
can work three fingers in and remain
dilated and relaxed - whenyou can do that
without excessive effort every time, you
can consider having sex.
Not trying to be crude here, just the
facts, it's gotta be frustrating for
you.
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This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
