Schizophrenia Forum - I Might Be Called Schizotypal/ Or Did I Sell My Soul?


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theshadow

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Joined: 22 Sep 2006
Posts: 8

I Might Be Called Schizotypal/ Or Did I Sell My Soul? Posted: 09-22-06 20:21pm


Sometmes I t was like people were tlaking about whatever was on my mind, other times aboout things I didnt think I was thinking about at first the voices had to do with fears of mine people would talk about my sexuality (i am straight, possibly bi, I think everyone might be bi) and voices (people around me) were calling me gay i had a lot of problems wit my folks and at home so people would call me a jerk, evil child, abusive child etc in the height of a delusion and on marijuana at the time, I started calling out for supernatural assistance trying to stop voices and delusions i didnt think god was answering so I got on a musical instrumenrt and played the devils interval (perfect seventh) trying to get satan to respon he did, the experience teerrified me i had knowledge that he existed which was what I wanted (i just wanted an answer from some form of divinity) i heard voices inside me talking, some yelling at me i can have your soul now! Anorther weaker terrified voice said "yes" i didnt think I wanted to say yes as I start to analyze my situation from a jungian situation, I think part of me did want to live out this bizarre hopeless myth but tharts another story right now I am in a world where I feel doomed and hopeless, knowing after I die I will be tormented forever, fried in oil, things of that nature i thik I have psychic ability, able to read others tohughts (not when I want to of course) i especially have a conection with other lost souls, witches, =damned, evil children, bad seeds, etc i try callignthe m out in public, interoggatig them without actually asking "hey did you sell your soul too?" i hear them say yes its true, its real, its horrible just shut upo and stop worrying about it, turn your brain off i guess these are all complexes from my shadow (according to jung) talking to me and I had an archetypal experience with the devil my rational side doesnt beleive in christ an all rhat altohugh sometimes voices seem to want me to go back to christianity well im glad I found this place i will post up my whole story from a psychological standpoint to explain what happened

theshadow

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Joined: 22 Sep 2006
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Posted: 10-07-06 21:02pm


Dont know, I think I sold my soul either that or I offended the god/s sometihng is not really right with me. I feel like my eyes are open in a weird way where I can notive other doomed/damned souls. I wonder if a lot more people know they are dmaned, or sold their souls. I know I was more bad then good for a while. Ive been hopeing that in the past while ive been slaying the anger/hate/fear demo I cultivated by years of an angry hateful, jerky, spoiled problem relationship with my parents. Sure I wanted to change back then, I tohught I did, I said I was sorry, but I dont think I meant it. Because I didnt really change. I wasnt responsible until really after I started hearing oices, and after itried praying to satan and after I thought that I might have iven him my soul i heard a voice ask, another voice said yes. Maybe I gave into my own dark side, maybe I gave into a dark spirit becuase I tohught/knoew I was bad enough to deserve hell dont know maybe if you are bad enough the evil spirits take notice or the god takes his wrath on you. I am positive I have spotted other lost/damned souls. Its like having etes opened by god/jesus, but the oter way around. Its like being unblessed or unholy like robert johnson, feeling doomed, feeling like wen I die, the caca is gonna hit the fan. I dont know what I got, if I did indeed contact a dark ofrce. I rmeember a few things, everything has been confusiong since I started hearing crap and having delusions i know I asked satan to reveal himself, if he was real, and to tell me the truth, I know I kind of thouht maybe I could get super powers like musical ability, now I dont think I am tat good at anyhing, bt the better I get, the more I worry that 9 am gettign good becuase satan showed me another way of understanding, I know the devil is supposed to love to grant knowledge. Icant bring myself to practice music anymore. I made big advancements in understanding how t all works, and how to practice with hthe goal of insturment master ship in mind. Im worried I only understand now becuase I cheated with wevil spirits. I did always spend a lot of time thinking about music, and playing and listenig. I always tried to make is simpler and simpler. Too bad I had some of my biggest breakthroughs after maybe or maybe ot contacting satan. And if I really did well I wanted truth does that eman I got it? Fundamentalists where right all along? Or maybe all religions are right and whatever te evil force is, it only damns you if oyu were acting evil, like me. I still think thwre is some weird conspiracy tuff hoing on, where I can spot other damned souls, and they can spot me.

sandyallen

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the Shadow Posted: 10-07-06 21:49pm


Hi there! Wecome! You say you used mj, could it be a bad trip you went on and never came back, could it have been cut with something that was not good. Don't worry I am not a bible person. Have you talked to a professional? Do you like being this way? You are not doomed or hopeless. There is help! I used to be rebellious! Talk to your family, ask them for help, tell them you do not want to be this way anymore! They love you! They will help you or your counselor, go to mental health, that is what it is there for, and I am not saying that you are crazy, we all need a little help in our lives, it is nothing to be ashamed of! Don't be afraid! Peace!

theshadow

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Joined: 22 Sep 2006
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Posted: 10-11-06 12:33pm


Im worried I did the unpardonable sin by denying what I knew was right (christianity) and worse off, praying to satan, and getting an answer. I had been hearing voices telling me to turn from my path o looking at world religion and consciousness amd psychology. The voice said if you keep doing this you will burn in hell forever. I heard oter voices too, I hear people talking about me, I ave thoughts bounce around in my head. At one time I wasmdesperate for divine help. (previous to all of this, I would feel moved by christians witnessing to me buand sometimes I tohght that I t was right and I would admit it when I was older...) so I was wanting divine help, I also thought that satan would tell me the truth and maybwe givine me knowledge for help on a musical instruemnt, or just tell me the truth about god so I tried playing a devil intercal on my instruemnt a perfector diminished 7th, I cant rmeember, its from a solo called "vox gabrielli) the voice of gabrielle, also in a tartini piece the devils trill so I was high on weed at the time and overwhelmed by demonic voices and thoughts, and I thought I heard satan. I heard voices saying "we wil lgive you what you want" i didnt want to saty yes but I wold hear a weak voice inside me say yes, I heard rage and anguish and laughing, people shouting "fool" and I eard a voice saying your soul is mine and another voice inside saying yes, I kept on wanting to say no no, but I didnt think it worked. Becuase I have felt doomed ever since, andi have heard voices telling me, its too late, you are doomed, you know what you did and when I pray to jesus I hear a voice say im sorry, go away, it too late, I cant help you, no etc

Sudo Nim

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Joined: 17 Oct 2006
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Posted: 10-17-06 01:04am


The important thing to recognize is that what you're hearing isn't the devil, its your inner voice. You just gave yourself a bit of a scare, you may have a serious problem like schizophrenia, but you definitely did not sell your soul. I hope you can take some comfort in that fact. Religion helps some people, maybe going to church would help you through this. I think you would be better off to just read a good book. Maybe the catcher in the rye?

astridrain09

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Joined: 23 Jan 2007
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Location: FL

Posted: 02-26-07 19:21pm


you sound schizotypal or schizoid.

BigDaddyPrimetime

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Joined: 04 Mar 2007
Posts: 49

Posted: 03-05-07 03:06am


Relax. The exact same thing happened to me after smoking weed for 8 years non stop. The main catalyst though was staying up on speed. I had a 3 hour conversation with voices in my head and like you they kept calling me gay and queer even though im straight. When the gay thing didnt work they started calling me a rapist but since ive never even considered raping a girl in my whole life that didnt make sense either. After that they resorted to death threats. They kept saying "youve got 5 minutes to get out of the house then were coming in to kill you" "when i find you im gonna hack you up" "just pack your bags and leave your dead already" "i should take revenge after what you did to me". I was sure it was a ghost talking to me. The voice also kept saying "you know what this is dont you? You were talking about selling your soul well now youve done it" I asked it how i managed that and it said something about smoking weed. Since i believe my soul is part of me and cannot be possessed by anyone but me I replied "you cant sell your soul" and it replied "yeah you can and youve done it, your stuck with me now your gonna have to purge your soul". It then told me in a friendly way "I purged my soul in south america" and I asked how and he replied "by taking a plant". There was a big hint it came from my mind because what are the odds of some discarnate entity having taken ayahuasca in his life when he was incarnated. Barely anyone even knows about Ayahuasca or "La Purga" let alone have taken the stuff. The voice also mentioned lots of times "im testing you and I can see your made of steel`` anyway the voice lingered around the whole time that i was slightly nervous but the minute i lost all fear and held my ground it started saying ``youve 5 minutes to get out then im leaving`` and like that it was gone. All I can say is that these voices are most likely a produce of your ego and imagination and are deeply rooted in your subconscious. If not and these voices really are discarnate entities what im almost sure of is they will tell you all kinds of caca to get you afraid and feel hopeless. The minute you stand your ground and use your full freedom and power they just medical question off because they know they cant manipulate someone like that. Its people that wonder things like ``do demons exist``, could i have sold my soul blah blah blah that they can manipulate because they will play on those thoughts. I think its ridiculous your worrying that youll be tormented by these entities when your body dies. Once you lose your body youll probably be on the same playing field as these discarnate pricks so you can see and fight them and have all the abilities they have. Another possibility is theyre just too attached to this physical world to leave and when you die you can gracefully medical question off up to heaven or whatever it is you believe in and leave these malicious no namers behind. I dont mean to be your spiritual guru here but i think you have to drop your concepts of good and evil. They dont exist. Nothing matters. All that caca is just a way for religion to control people. I do believe in metaphysical forces and if these voices are coming from discarnate entities then its only because they can sense you believe in good and evil and you believe you have acted evilly so they play with your mind and play on your fears of being punished or losing your soul for what youve done. Consider this. How bad really were all the negative things you did in your life. Are they anything in comparison to the things evil no namers like Saddam Hussein, Bush, Sharon etc. have done. I seriously doubt it and do you think theyre hassled by voices and have had revelations that they are damned and have sold their soul. No because theyre concepts of right and wrong are completely different to your and they see nothing wrong or nothing evil about what theyve done so they go on living normal lives. Reality has a way of manifesting what you believe. This is blatantly obvious when you take certain drugs or have hallucinations due to sleep deprivation or schizophrenia. Personally though my beliefs on entities that seem evil is thats not the case at all. Theyre neither good or evil theyre neutral and theyre just doing their job. They might be testing us or they might be carrying out tasks when they torment us but always remember what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. In the long run theyre only helping us by giving us challenges and when they test us it gives us a chance to test ourselves. Respect them for what they are and youll see theyll return that respect. When your afraid of them or hate them they have you by the balls.

Philo

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Posted: 03-14-07 15:08pm


Shadow, I think you need to choose what you want to believe and be less wavery and thus prone to attack. Find out what best suits you as modus operandi and stick to it. I experienced something maybe similar to you and prayer hasn't helped - one needs to strengthen oneself yourself from the inside. If you're gonna fry in hell then at least go in there with some dignity.