Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 6224 Location: London, England
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Thanked:7
What Can We Do? Posted: 09-23-06 03:41am
Well as you know, me and hubby split up
but now its getting really confusing.
We've both said some really bad things to
each other cause we're hurting but they
are things that are not true and we both
know it. We also told lies during our
relationship which we have both told each
other now. (i even told him that i've
faked it a few times )
the thing is we both desperatly want to
hold on to this realtionship cause of the
kids and basically cause we do love
eachother but we don't know where to
start.
How can we try and start again? We both
stopped talking to each other and we were
arguing all the time. How can we resolve
this?
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
Posted: 09-23-06 07:27am
Mediation!
Get a relationship counsellor involved -
even for just a couple of sessions to put
you back on the right track.
Make an effort to say (and mean it) one
nice thing to each other per day and to
say thank you for something to each other
per day and do one nice thing per day.
It might be as simple as saying "oh you
did a good job on your shave this
morning", "thank you for making a cup of
tea" - they don't have to be big things.
In fact the little things are the best
because it is often the little things we
do and don't feel valued for.
Then maybe the doing would be to record a
tv show the other likes but has to miss
because of work or something.
Everyone needs to feel appreciated - no
matter how small the deed.
And the thing my nan and granddad swear
by... (over 60 years marriage) always
have a kiss first thing in the morning and
last thing at night.
Remember contact is essential - just hold
hands while watching a movie, or lean your
head on the other partners shoulder.
***edit to add***
learn forgiveness.
Basically say to each other that you
accept you both said a lot of hurtful
things, and that you didn't mean them but
you were hurting and angry.
Say that from this day forward, you will
put the past in the past and leave it
there.
That you will work towards the furture
together, make a fresh beginning and draw
a line under past times.
This does not mean forget fun times in the
past but simply that nothing in the past
is to affect the future.
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8005 Location: Missouri, United States
Thanks: 2
Thanked:1
Posted: 09-23-06 09:21am
Aww kia that was really good advice! I
agree with everything she just said
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Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004 Posts: 3718 Location: , va
Posted: 09-23-06 10:35am
I do agree with kia.. As long as you are
both willing to work together it will work
out..
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Becky
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 6224 Location: London, England
Thanks: 0
Thanked:7
Posted: 09-23-06 16:39pm
Thanks for the advice. I guess it has
been too much- too young for us. I'm
hoping to god we can resolve this as we
have had some great amazing times together
since we got together 6 years ago. Its
the past year that has realy made us go
downhill. We moved house, I got pregnant
3 times, have 2 babies with us and we both
changed jobs so you can imagine the
stress!
You have given some great advice. I will
look into counselling but i'll try
compliments straight away!
Dalicia how did they resolve your problem?
Did they speak about things you never
even thought of? Our was it just common
sense stuff?
