Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 8329 Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
Thanks: 182
Thanked:14
Advice Please Posted: 09-28-06 06:16am
To make a long story very short, I have a
very strange relationship with my mom. We
never talk about our problems because
she's one of those people that can never
admit her faults. She'll either change
the subject, pull a guilt trip, or shut
down completely (hang up, leave the room,
etc). And next time we talk, she'll
pretend like it never happened. So i've
never gotten satisfaction or closure with
her.
Anyway, I had a very bad dream last night
about her (confronting her about all this
crap), and couldn't fall back to sleep
because I was so upset. So I decided to
do a bit of self-therapy and write her a
letter saying everything that I wanted to
say. I never intended to send the letter
to her, I just wanted the stuff off my
chest. But the thing is, once I looked
back over the letter, I started thinking
that maybe I *should* send the letter.
I know it would probably cause a lot of
problems and might do more harm than good,
but I think our relationship might be
beyond saving already. There's not even a
guarantee that she would read the letter
all the way through. Knowing her, she'd
probably read four lines, decide she
doesn't want to hear it, and stop. But
honestly, what would you do in a situation
like this? Send the letter or leave it
alone?
I'm going insane. I can't think.
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princess_amy89
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Sep 2006 Posts: 225 Location: england
Posted: 09-28-06 07:36am
Awww sorry
a letter sounds good but if theres doubts
she will read it maybe not. It must be
hard
try a letter and see what happens from
there or you could try leaving her a voice
message
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 5041 Location: to hell with this crap
Posted: 09-28-06 07:57am
I am sorry you are going thru this. I am
kinda in the same boat as you are. I
would think that sending your mother a
letter would be a good start. If your
mother doesn't want to read it then you
have done what you thought needed to be
done. And you can have peace of mind
knowing that you tried. I know that it's
hard for you, I am sure that you want .Aly
to have a relationship with her
grandmother but if she is going to
continue in her ways then that may not be
possible and if she decides not to change
then you have done your part. And
unfortunately that is all you can do.
I'd say doubts or not go for it.
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princess_amy89
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Sep 2006 Posts: 225 Location: england
Posted: 09-28-06 08:33am
I agree go for it
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AyaMiyaki
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 8329 Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
Thanks: 182
Thanked:14
Posted: 09-28-06 14:08pm
I emailed the letter to her. I'm shaking
so hard right now. I can't believe I just
did that.
The letter wasn't nice at all. She's
going to be so upset when she reads it.
But really, I need her to know how I feel.
I've been keeping this stuff bottled up
for 25 years now, and it's too much for me
to handle anymore.
She hates confrontation, can't admit when
she's wrong, and never apologizes. She'll
see the letter as an attack. She's cut
people out of her life for much less. I
don't think she'll speak to me again for a
long time.
I think .I'm in shock. I can .N.O.T
believe I sent it. Holy caca.
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princess_amy89
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Sep 2006 Posts: 225 Location: england
Posted: 09-28-06 14:10pm
Hun least u got it all of ur chest and
sometimes the truth hurts
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arcadia
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 4470 Location: Illinois,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 09-28-06 14:17pm
I think you know that you did what you
thought you had to do. It's unhealthy to
keep those things bottled up like that!
I'm only 19, &it's hard for even me to
keep my mouth shut about how .I really
feel about my dad. She may not speak to
you for a long time, but maybe she'll mull
it over in her head &finally
understand. Maybe not. Either way, you
did what you had to do &that's brave.
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 5041 Location: to hell with this crap
Posted: 09-28-06 14:27pm
Laura, maybe she will have an open heart
and receive what you have to say to her.
Its a release that you need. If you
continue to keep it inside you will
evenutally blow up at her, your husband,
or maybe even your little skoot. There
are worse ways that this could be handled
and I feel like you handled it and if she
doesn't receive it with the maturity that
you would expect from a mother then you
tried. I'd say good for you.
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AyaMiyaki
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 8329 Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
Thanks: 182
Thanked:14
Posted: 09-28-06 14:30pm
Thanks, guys. I basically told her that,
although it might hurt her to hear it, I
wasn't doing it to hurt her. She deserves
to know how I feel, and I deserve
closure.
If this is burning a bridge, then .I'm
holding the match. But she's been pouring
the gasoline for years.
Gen: my mother's heart has never been
open. Your mother in law and my mother
would get along .V.E.R.Y well. That's
what kind of woman she is.
It's hard right now. I'm afraid of her
reaction. But I don't regret doing it.
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 09-28-06 14:40pm
I applaud you for sending that letter to
her! Like gen said,at least you will know
you tried your hardest to fix things.My
dad told me "you can't change other
people,but you can change yourself" and
you did.You did the best you could and you
should fel happy about that! I think she
will write you back or talk,even if it
takes her a while.
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 5041 Location: to hell with this crap
Posted: 09-28-06 14:47pm
Acctually I think that my mother in law
and your mother would probibly kill
eachother lol. They are so much a like.
I think you did your best at this point,
and the ball is in her court. Your
daughter means the world to you and
probibly always will because you are a
kind hearted person and you dont' need to
expose your daughter to that. Just like
I don't want .Melia exposed to the haterid
in my mother-in-law's heart. I am sure
you feel the same way. And that is a
good way to feel.
