Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 4470 Location: Illinois,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Boy Oh Boy. Posted: 09-30-06 04:23am
Mornin', ladies.
I've been emailing back &forth with my
aunt (one of my dad's siters) lately.
&.She's so awesome. I love her to
death. She treats me with the upmost
respect &love. We've been talking a
lot lately about this baby &what my
"plan of action" is.
She knows .Chris &.I are getting
married eventually. &.I told her how
my mom wanted us to go to the courthouse
asap &get hitched. &.She totally
agreed. Or she said we should at least
consider having a really small actual
wedding before the baby is born. She
said, of course, that's its our decision
&that she won't care either way. But
she made a lot of good points. If we
don't get married until our child is 3
years old, what will he or she think? I
almost feel like maybe s/he will think
that we didn't love him/her enough to get
married right away- or what if s/he thinks
that we wanted to make sure that we liked
him/her before we got married? I don't
know. Maybe .I'm just freaking out for no
reason. But maybe she's right. Maybe we
*should* get married before the baby is
born..
But.. On the other hand, .I don't want to
rush &plan a wedding in 3 months
&get married just because .I went
&got myself pregnant. Ya know? We
aren't even living together right now.
We're so broke, &he lives in his
aunt's basement so he can try to get out
of debt. &.I'm living with my
parents, obviously. &.I honestly
don't think we'll be well-off enough
before .March to get our own place. I
don't want to get married ¬ even
live with my husband.
Ahhh it's just so much to think about.
I'm so confused.
This isn't how .I wanted to do things. I
want to have an actual outdoor wedding-
with an actual dress &real flowers, a
yummy cake, &my closest friends
&my family there.. (&.I know .I
knowingly got myself into this situation,
so you don't have to tell me that )
am .I being stupid &old fashioned?
What do you guys think?
Do you think it's absolutely vital to be
married before s/he is born?
I'm just in a state of almost panic.
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diamond splinter
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Apr 2006 Posts: 611 Location: ,
Posted: 09-30-06 05:09am
No I don't think it is vital to be married
before your baby is born if you wish to
wait until baby is 3 then that is up to
you.
As for what the baby will think then tell
him/her that you love him/her so much that
you didn't want him/her to miss one of
the biggest days in mummy's life .
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SamanthaM
Supporter
Joined: 15 Dec 2005 Posts: 2079 Location: Mishawaka, Indiana
Thanks: 2
Thanked:1
Posted: 09-30-06 05:21am
On the other hand, your child could also
think you got married just because you
were pregnant. Jon and I got married at
the courthouse when I was 4 months
pregnant, and I kind of wish we wouldn't
have done it. I'm sure your child will
not think anything bad of you, don't worry
about it. Get married when you want to.
.Brian and I got engaged a month before I
conceived little .Brian. I, personally
never felt pressure or the need to get
married before we became parents. Brian
wanted to, but I told him "i won't get
married just because i'm pregnant!". We
did get married when .Brian was 13
months..... He was our ring bearer :d
it's completely up to the both of you.
How does .Chris feel?
If this is something you would have wanted
before you got pregnant, then I would say
go ahead. If marriage is something you
wouldn't consider if it wasn't for this
pregnancy, I would say wait until your
heart is in the right spot. Not to say
you don't love him----we know you do, but
it's better to be sure and not question
it.
If you want a proper wedding with the
dress and the cake and the big
celebration, then wait til you can afford
it.. Don't rush anything. I plan on
getting married when my daughter is maybe
3 or 4, depending on when we can raise
enough money to have the wedding we want..
I think she'll enjoy being our flower
girl, in a pretty little white dress..
And i'm glad she'll be a part of it
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Bridget
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Posts: 10821 Location: ,
Thanks: 62
Thanked:42
Posted: 09-30-06 09:33am
I agree with sam. I think if you rushed
off and got married right now then the
child might think you only got married
because you were pregnant. I don't think
they'll think anything of you getting
married after they're born. Lots of
people are having babies these days
without being married to each other.
My mom tried to rush me into getting
married a month after I found out I was
pregnant but I wanted the time to plan
exactly what I wanted. We did end up
getting married but it's a secret and
nobody knows, after the baby is born and
we get into some sort of routine i'm going
to start planning my real wedding and it's
going to be exactly what i've always
pictured.
Don't rush into anything, take your time
and think about what you really want.
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Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006 Posts: 7276
Posted: 09-30-06 11:43am
Dont do it cuz ur prego.
U and I have discussed this before.
Do it for love.. Dont get yourself into
something that u cant easily and readily
get out of. Divorce is time consuming,
expensive, and most of the time
detrimental to a family especially if
there are kids involved..
Whats the point if u and chris and live
together? That seems idiotic to me. Wait
til you guys are stable and can afford to
be a unit, and a family. On your own.
Otherwise I dont see a point. The birth
certificate says ur maiden name anyway. A
lot of people have kids out of wedlock
these days. Its common and you shouldnt
be judged for it.
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arcadia
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 4470 Location: Illinois,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 09-30-06 14:47pm
Thanks you guys.
.Chris definitely wants to get married.
&.I do, too. I know he's the one .I
want to marry. But like you guys said, we
don't even live together &.I don't
want to rush it. &.I certainly
don't want our child to think we got
married just because .I got pregnant.
I know .I didn't want to get married
before the baby was born- .I just had a
moment of doubt &panic. The only
thing .I'm hoping for is that .Chris
officially propses before the baby is
born.
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matthieusmom
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Feb 2006 Posts: 244 Location: mississippi
Posted: 09-30-06 20:30pm
Well I wouldn't worry too much about
rushing to get married. I'm getting
married in march and my son is going to be
the ring bearer and he will be two weeks
shy of his 3rd birthday. So wait until
the time is right and do the wedding how
you want to do it. Best of luck.
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diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3266 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 89
Thanked:132
Posted: 09-30-06 21:02pm
Dont rush it and regret it later, I got
married and got pregnant about 3-4 months
after, I think getting married while
pregnant can be a big mistake especially
if your not living together.
Take it easy and have the wddding that you
want, we had a small wedding cause my
husbands posting date was a month earlier
and we had a month to move everything
forward but things were all last minute.
Somedays I regret that I didnt get the
wedding that I dreamed off even though I
was happy that day it just wasnt the same!
)
