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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Is It Too Soon?
Posted: 10-03-06 13:08pm
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This is a tough question for me to ask,
but I know I can't ask my family and
friends because I dont' know how they will
react to my question.
As many of you know my husband passed away
in may. I miss him a lot, we were
together for a long time most of my teens
and all of my twentys so far. We have a
lot of history which includes loosing a
baby. We seperated the week before his
accident and we were talking about working
things out. Eventhough our marriage
wasn't the best at the time he died I
still loved him and I still greive at the
abscence of his presents.
That being said...
How soon is it ok to start sing someone
else? At what point should I move on
with my life? How soon is too soon? I
feel so guilty asking these questions.
I am asking because a good friend of ours
has asked me out on a date. I told him I
wasn't comfortable dating yet. So
instead he asked me to accompany him to a
wedding for a friend of his.....And I
would be his date. He said that if I was
ok with this we would talking about having
dinner and maybe dancing. What do you
guys think?
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jparry
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Sep 2006
Posts: 89
Location: PA
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Posted: 10-03-06 13:14pm
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No one can tell you how soon is to soon..
Some people move quickly others stay
single forever.... Do what you feel is
right.. Go if you wanna go and have a
good time.. I hope that you can decide
how soon would be to soon.. I wish you
the best of luck.. And hopefully no one
will look down on you for your decision..
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Posts: 6806
Location: Florida
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Posted: 10-03-06 13:40pm
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Like the first poster said,do what you
feel is ok.If its too soon don't do it.
Wait until you feel .Y.O.U are comfortable
with the whole dating thing again. Don't
worry about how others look at it.Its your
life and its how you feel.They have to
understand,although you love your
hubby,you do't want to remain alone for
the rest of your life.You deserve to be
happy too hun!
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Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 7276
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Posted: 10-03-06 13:52pm
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Gen, hun if u are questioning it.... Its
too soon.
You'll know in ur heart when its time.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
Posts: 4580
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Sunflowe_pie81
Posted: 10-03-06 15:58pm
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I am not here to judge you! No one knows
when it is time but you! After what you
have been through, you deserve some
happiness and you do say he is a friend.
Whatever you decide I will be happy for
you either way.
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smoothiesRyummy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Apr 2006
Posts: 151
Location: Earth
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Posted: 10-03-06 17:20pm
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| rainfire1424
wrote: | gen, hun if u are
questioning it.... Its too soon.
You'll know in ur heart when its
time. |
i disagree... It's 100% natural to
question if it's too soon or not when a
significant other dies, no matter how long
it's been afterwards. I know it from
experience. No one is going to go
straight into a first relationship after
their husband's died and not have doubts.
I know someone who got into a relationship
a year after their husband was shot and
killed, and no one's disapproved of it and
she's very happy with the new man she's
with. (my french teacher was married to
the tennis coach and is now dating the
orchestra teacher- sounds strange lol).
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BlinkyBill
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Posts: 87
Location: Australia
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Posted: 10-03-06 20:16pm
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You and only you will know when it's
time...Don't push yourself and don't get
pushed into a relationship either.
If you have interests join a club and meet
people, this will also help the grieving
process and you will feel more
confident.
Goodluck with it all my prayers are with
you.
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Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 7276
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Posted: 10-03-06 20:21pm
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| smoothiesryummy
wrote: | | rainfire1424
wrote: | gen, hun if u are
questioning it.... Its too soon.
You'll know in ur heart when its
time. |
i disagree... It's 100% natural to
question if it's too soon or not when a
significant other dies, no matter how long
it's been afterwards. I know it from
experience. No one is going to go
straight into a first relationship after
their husband's died and not have doubts.
I know someone who got into a relationship
a year after their husband was shot and
killed, and no one's disapproved of it and
she's very happy with the new man she's
with. (my french teacher was married to
the tennis coach and is now dating the
orchestra teacher- sounds strange
lol). |
i disagree as well...
But im not going to turn this into an
argument.
Genipher.. I love you like a sister and
want you to be happy.
Your heart will tell you its time.
Nothing and no one else can do that.
We're here for u girl.. We all want u to
be happy. Just dont rush into something
just becasue u feel obligated.
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 10-04-06 08:00am
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Thanks sandra, I don't know what to do,
but I think that going to a wedding with a
friend wont' be much of a problem. I
need a night out away from everything.
As far as dating I think I am not
ready.....I'll take my time and I guess
i'll figure out when I am ready.
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Jules
Moderator
Joined: 19 Aug 2006
Posts: 3668
Location: Merrie Englande, UK
Thanks: 50
Thanked:53
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Posted: 10-04-06 08:59am
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I think there will definitely be people in
your family (and his) who will feel that
it is too soon since he only passed away
in .May. However, it is no-one's place
to judge you because you have still got
your life to live and i'm sure your late
husband would rather that you found
someone to love and care for you than for
you to be alone.
As many of the other ladies have said - go
with your heart. Take it nice and slow
and remember you can back out at any
time.
All the best.
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Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 7276
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Posted: 10-04-06 09:45am
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| sunflower_pie81
wrote: | | thanks sandra, I don't know
what to do, but I think that going to a
wedding with a friend wont' be much of a
problem. I need a night out away from
everything. As far as dating I think I
am not ready.....I'll take my time and I
guess i'll figure out when I am
ready. |
if your heart cant decide, and ur ehads
all confused, then it means its too
soon.
Theres nothing wrong with going out and
having fun.. You need it, you deserve it.
Just dont get yourself into something you
cant handle.
Now is the best time to focus on *you*.
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chrissy721
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 799
Location: Somewhere out there
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Posted: 10-04-06 11:20am
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It's definetly your call. This guy seems
like he's pretty nice and willing to just
be a friend. It might be good to get out
and have someone to talk to and have some
fun.
By the way, your baby is so precious.
Makes me smile just to see her in the
picture of your avatar. 
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004
Posts: 6594
Location: Planet Tampaxia,
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Posted: 10-04-06 14:38pm
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Lol I agree pretty much with both of
you.
You will always question if it is right to
start dating after the loss of a
significant other - that is natural.
However, if you are not sure (after
questioning yourself) then yes, it's
probably too soon.
If you can think - "am I right to be
dating someone else? Hmm yes, I want to
move forward" then go for it.
When is all said and done, i'm sure your
hubby wouldn't want you to be lonesome
forever, i'm sure he would want you to be
happy.
Moving forward does not mean forgetting.
It means accepting and drawing a line
under the past.
Nothing in the future will change the
past.
If you are comfortable spending time with
this guy, then maybe try going on some
"light dates" - public places for lunch or
something.
And see how you feel? Are you
comfortable? Does he respect you, etc?
Then maybe in time you might go on a more
intimate date say dinner and a movie, then
gradually move on from there.
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Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004
Posts: 3717
Location: , va
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Posted: 10-04-06 15:00pm
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My opinion is as long as you are
comfortable. If you dont feel comfotable
then dont. You will never know until you
try.
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 10-04-06 15:17pm
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| chrissy721
wrote: | | by the way, your baby is so
precious. Makes me smile just to see
her in the picture of your avatar. |
thanks so much chrissy. I love her to
death.
Thanks to all of you. I am going to go
to the wedding because it gives me a
really good reason to go out and get
prettied up. Lol. I need to feel
pretty for a night. But I think that any
time after that i'll have to see. I
spoke with my friend and explained to him
that I wasn't sure about going out on a
'date' but I would be happy to go as his
guest to the wedding. And he was like we
will go at your pace and start with
friends. Eventhough we have been friends
for like 5 years. I'll let you know how
it goes on saterday.
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Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004
Posts: 3717
Location: , va
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leeannep4
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 32
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Posted: 10-04-06 21:34pm
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I think that going to the wedding is a
great start if you are comfortable because
after saturday you'll know if you are
totally not ready to go any further or if
you might could start some light dating
with this friend. I totally agree with
what the others have said, only you will
know when you are ready and it is frankly
no one esle in the family's business, they
have to let you make decisions, grieve,
and move forward in your own way and time
frame. If you are still questioning
after saturday, then it is probably too
soon. Have a good time sat. And good
luck.
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