Joined: 06 Oct 2006 Posts: 131 Location: I'm a Yettie!
I Am Going to Lose My Mind!!! Posted: 10-06-06 16:10pm
Hello to all
where to start? I met this guy, 3 months
ago. The first month of dating was like
a dream! Then we were both stupid, and
decided to get an apartment together.
Since we've moved in, all we do is fight.
We pick at each other, stupid things, and
he is constantly bringing up my past
history [i dated a guy that was verbally
& sometimes physically abusive.] I
have to keep in contact [only over the
phone he is 5 states away,] because he
owes me on a loan I got for him.
He is jealous over that. I can
understand why. But.. I'm with him..
Not my ex. The new guy consently calls
me, tells me he loves me... We've just
got through our third month... He doesn't
know me! He was saying he loved me from
start!! Recently..He's gotten alittle
more violent. Not physically...But I am
starting to worry that it's about to come
to that point. He rushed me, twice..
Like a football player..And always stops 2
inches from my face. Telling me to have
sex off...And it's over. Etc. Except he
won't leave. I'm just as guilty...I
forgive him..And he comes back. He tries
to force me to be envolved with his
family..And he's told his aunt everything
we argue about..And things he hates about
me..Yet he won't go. I need to end this
now.. I am consistently getting
stomaches..And headaches from all this
stress... It's deprieving me of
sleep..And eating.
Another thing I thought was strange..He
likes to put his hands around my neck, as
if to choke me- while we have sex. Very
rarely can it just be normal.. Romantic.
It's always rough and "choking". That
scares me. I am afraid to mention
anything about that.. Because it reminds
me of the movie "ted bundy." I do not
have hardly any friends for
support..Except my family and my sister.
My family lives real close to me..But I
don't want them getting hurt/involved.
They are quiet aware that we fight all the
time..And i've told them what he's
done..[rushing, verbal abuse, throwing a
pair of jeans at me.] but...The only way
I will feel safe..Is if he moves out. I
am willing to take a huge hit financially
to afford the place.. But I don't think
he's going to be that easy to live with if
he doesn't sign the place over to me.
I didn't know he was this obsessive..And
agressive...Or I would have stayed living
at home. How do I tell him I want him to
leave..I've told him before that I wanted
to go.. But he told me- the only way that
would happen..Is if I left him all my
belongings [i practically furnished the
apartment.] i'm praying our neighbors
evict us from all the screaming he
does..But no one has yet.
Any suggestions help I would appericated
it!!
Miss depressed.
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 10-06-06 16:44pm
Girl,i'm with you.I hung out with my x for
about a month before we got together.After
2 months we moved in together.It was sooo
great just like you said but then he
started to get jealous and mean
sometimes.He would get drunk once a month
and get really mad.He pushed me a coupke
of time and even jumped on top of me
once.I never thought it would come to us
physically fighting.9 months late (3 weeks
ago) he got drunk and was doing things I
asked him not to do at our neighbors
apartment.I was talking to our neighbor
about it when he decided I was done
talking and tried to drag me home by my
wrists.It turned physical. He ended up
with nothing although I punched him
several times to get away btu I ended up
with alm,ost getting pushed down the
stairs twice,getting kicked in the
back,and getting a massive bruise on my
left leg. Hun I never thought this would
happen.I loved/still love him but I didn't
deserve that and he admitted it.Get away!
Having an apartment together is not worth
getting abused (mentally or physically)
and its not worth losing your life over if
it comes down to it.Trust me,get out!!!
Pm me if you want to talk! Good luck!
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Missdepressed Posted: 10-06-06 17:58pm
Please do not put up with it! If it is
his place, get out, if it is your
furniture and you have the receipts then
ask for a police to stand-by while you get
your stuff out and have someone to help
you lift it, if you do not have the
receipts and have know way of proving it
is your furniture then kiss it goodbye,
wait until he leaves for work and still
have a cop to stand-by in case he returns,
take what you need and get out with your
life, you can start now by taking the
sentimenal small things out now and
stashing them, I too have been abused and
have had to start over and have left with
the clothes on my back and no shoes,
otherwise, he would have probably killed
me. You can always start over but you
cannot start your life over. We are here
for you! I am now with a man that treats
me good.
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RedDelight
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2006 Posts: 131 Location: I'm a Yettie!
Posted: 10-08-06 15:59pm
Thank you to both of your support. I truely need
someone to at least listen to me!
I really don't want it to turn physical...
I am so so sorry that happened to you!
I am going to try to tell him tonight.
Both of my parents are home tonight
too..And is on stand by if he attempts
something. I've even talked to our
leasing agent...Who was also rushed by
him, him screaming at her for not fixing
our repairs..Demanding it gets completed
or he would get her fired. She called me
to tell me what he did....He has no idea I
know this. I asked if she would be
willing to come with me and get a
restraining order..And if that would kick
him out of the place. She told me that
was more of a legal thing..And she did not
want to be involved.
I know, if it comes down to it, to just
leave. I've tried so many times to break
it off with him..And he just doesn't get
it.
He won't let me go . He's preventing
me from my life goals, and dreams..And now
swang the opposite way last night..Decided
to be mr.Right and talk to me without
screaming..But he made a comment that
frightened me.. "whenever you are around
me, I can't stand you. You could be
sitting there, minding your own business,
or eating, taking a shower..You just make
me irratable being around me." that makes
me question if he would do something..?
Did either of you have to get a
restraining order against an ex? Does it
work?
I think i'm scared more so..That my family
lives literally down the street. He
knows where they live, the layout of the
house..Their schedules..If he wanted to
harm me, that would be the spot. I wish
I never met this guy- ever! He's ruining
my spirit..And my life. Bad enough I
have the ex to keep in contact with too.
He likes to call me at odd times in the
night to ask me advice on the girl he
cheated on me with. That only makes it
worse for me..And since my parents are
older.. I have to keep my phone on in
case of an emergency.
I wish someone could tell me how to
straighten all of this giant mess out! I
just want my life back. I just want
sanity!
Miss depressed
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 10-12-06 08:39am
Can't you move back in with your parents
or move to a new place and not tell him
where it is.Make plans alone,while your at
work or something. If you can see him
doing something like that,hitting you or
anything,chances are he will.I was told
several time by my x that he would never
hit me and in the back of my mind I never
believed it. . Well I was right and it
did happen.Don't stay long enough for him
to hhurt you further cause it will
happen.That comment he made was not good
and that freaks me out just hearing you
say it.Pllleeeaaaasssseeee get out.No I
did not get a restrainiong order on him
but it should work.If he continues to come
near you call the police everytime.He
*will* end up in jail!
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babydance143
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Feb 2007 Posts: 24
Posted: 02-08-07 22:58pm
Hey girl,
wow this guy is really stressing you,
sorry that hes putting your through that!
Is there anywhere else you can stay??
Maybe your parents can come over and help
you pack your things! You can get a order
of protection with the courts against him!
Or the next time he does that to you call
the cops, and they will arrest him, and
that will give you a day or two to get
out! If not you need to lay it out and
tell him that you think you guys moved to
fast, and you are ready to just split
because you need time! He doesnt need to
be treating you that way, and your so
right because you need to have your peace
of mind! You know...Girl. Keep us
posted. Best of luck to you.
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Auzzie_Wanting_To_Help
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Feb 2007 Posts: 214 Location: Australia
Posted: 02-12-07 06:23am
Hey! I know this reply is very delayed
but im just wondering how you are going??
Is there any reason that you cant live
with your mum and sister?? You shouldnt
have to put up with your boyfriends
violent ways and it definately isnt normal
to "pretend" to choke you during sex! I
hope things have gotten better and your
situation has improved!
Love,
.Mel
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RedDelight
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2006 Posts: 131 Location: I'm a Yettie!
:) Hello! Posted: 02-12-07 07:57am
auzzie_wanting_to_help
wrote:
hey! I know this reply is
very delayed but im just wondering how you
are going?? Is there any reason that you
cant live with your mum and sister?? You
shouldnt have to put up with your
boyfriends violent ways and it definately
isnt normal to "pretend" to choke you
during sex! I hope things have gotten
better and your situation has improved!
Love,
.Mel
hello mel!
Wow has my situation gotten better.
Sorta. Lol I have been home with my
family since october 13. He is still a
probelm... Stalking, continously
calling/texting, in fact... It was quiet
last night- until he texted me at 10 pm.
Lol since valentine's is this wednesday
and my birthday is at the end of the
month.. I am expecting him to send me
something...Then i'll obtain the ppo. I
already have two police reports on him for
harassment and threat. He drives by my
parent's home to insure I am home, as well
as call my job- to make sure I am at my
work. He's left voicemails telling me-
he does this! Lol...So good for me for
court.
I can't wait to have my day in court! I
newly discovered he was bi-polar, and
hasn't taken his meds since 16 [he's 25.]
that explains his violent temper and how
it changes on a dime! I go to a
therapist now-- even though it's just
talking... It's helping me so much. I
am learning the traits of people like
him..So I do not ever encounter anything
like this ever again! The downfall to
the entire thing.. He gave me an std.
Knowingly. I didn't realize how bad he
was... Until I was out of that apartment.
I am still paying my portion of rent..
And going to take that to court too. All
these medical bills.. It's been unreal!
But... I am more organized...I am eating
more normal..I can sleep more than 2-3
hours..I am much more at ease, not
constantly looking over my shoulder at
home. I've accepted everything that has
happened... And realized he was the
probelm the entire time. I thought I was
losing my mind! Lol
so... Things are moving along much
better- i've been real busy organizing my
life, health, cleaning etc. I can't wait
to go back to college in spring.. Another
thing he didn't want me to do.. I'm
finding almost everything I like doing..He
didn't and I stopped doing them!
Thank you so much for your kind words and
being in your thoughts! It means alot to
me, even though I do not know you
i hope all is well with you! Feel free
to contact/pm me at any time!
Much love- -=red=-
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Auzzie_Wanting_To_Help
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Feb 2007 Posts: 214 Location: Australia
Posted: 02-13-07 03:00am
Hey miss depressed,
its soooo great hearing that you have left
and are now getting your life back on
track and in order. It would be so hard
for you to get the strength to leave, but
you did it! I'm really proud of you!!
Congratulations for doing the things that
you want to do now and not just the things
your "allowed" to do! It would be
exciting going to college and specialising
in something that you want.
Thats terrible that he has given you an
std!! Is it curable/manageable?? I hope
you get everything you want in court!!
Feel free to email or pm me anytime.
Love,
mel
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change is good
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 112 Location: Mesa AZ.,
Posted: 02-13-07 23:39pm
I'm so glad that you were able to move on.
No woman or man needs to be treated that
way. And as you know I know what i'm
talking about. Some day I hope that you
will find the right person for you until
then stay safe and happy. Don't give up
being yourself for someone else. They
should love you for who you are not who
they want you to be
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 02-21-07 09:30am
yeeeaaaaah! that mah girl rigth there! lol
I'm so proud of you!! and in the process
of losing an problem you gained a friend!.
. . me!!!! I can't
wait for you to come to florida girl!!!
. He's preventing
me from my life goals, and dreams..And now
swang the opposite way last night..Decided
to be mr.Right and talk to me without
screaming..But he made a comment that
frightened me.. "whenever you are around
me, I can't stand you. You could be
sitting there, minding your own business,
or eating, taking a shower..You just make
me irratable being around me." that makes
me question if he would do something..?
Did either of you have to get a
restraining order against an ex? Does it
work?
I can't
wait for you to come to florida girl!!!