My boyfriend and I have been together for
4+ years and overall we are pretty happy
together. We don't argue, but we have
this big issue that keeps recurring every
few months. Whenever he goes out with
his friends he never wants to include me.
He has included me less than 5 times in
the entire 4 years that we have been
together. And the last time was about a
year and a half ago. I have asked him
many, many times to include me...That i'm
not asking to go out with him every time
he sees his friends, but I would be
included or at least invited. So now it
has reached a point that it is a very sore
subject. He thinks i'm overreacting, but
i'm very serious and hurt that he won't
try to do something about it. I keep
waiting to see a difference, but nothing
changes and the issue comes up again. So
I keep letting it go even though it's
pretty important to me. Is this
something worth breaking up over?
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 10-29-06 17:36pm
I would start going out with your friends!
What is good for the goose is good for
the gander! I would be darned if I would
sit there and play the waiting game!
Good luck!
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Crazyness24
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jan 2006 Posts: 179 Location: Jersey
Posted: 10-30-06 14:32pm
See mine is the opposite. He always
invites me out. However, the small amount
of times he doesn't. I go out with my
friends and have a great time and I make
sure he knows it! Maybe im just
spiteful....Next time he goes out with his
friends, go out with yours, have drinks,
go dancing make him wonder what your
doing. No, its not worth ending a 4 year
relationship. Ive been with my man 4
years on 11/6 and its much easier said
then done to walk away. You evidently
love each other. Just talk to him
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Mellow_Yellow
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Oct 2006 Posts: 2
Posted: 10-30-06 23:56pm
Well, we might actually be breaking up
over this. I think that when I go out
with my friends, he is actually relieved
that he doesn't have to feel bad for not
including me. I have told him so many
times that this is so important to me. I
don't discriminate whether to include
certain friends or not. I asked him to
really think about why he doesn't want me
there and if it is something that we
cannot work out, then maybe we should call
it quits. He said nothing. I guess he
has to think about whether he wants to be
with me or not.
Thanks for the replies.
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Makoto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 263 Location: Japan
Posted: 10-31-06 05:43am
mellow_yellow
wrote:
well, we might actually be
breaking up over this. I think that
when I go out with my friends, he is
actually relieved that he doesn't have to
feel bad for not including me. I have
told him so many times that this is so
important to me. I don't discriminate
whether to include certain friends or not.
I asked him to really think about why
he doesn't want me there and if it is
something that we cannot work out, then
maybe we should call it quits. He said
nothing. I guess he has to think about
whether he wants to be with me or not.
Thanks for the
replies.
yes, I think you should break up.
Actually, I think he should break up with
you.
I dont mean to jump on you, but I can not
support your thinking here.
Why cant both of you have your own friends
and your own lives. Sure, sometimes going
out with each other with friends in tow is
okay. But why do you feel you have the
right to be included into his circle of
friends? Just because you are his gf? He
had friends before he met you, and will
have them after you. What they like to do
for fun, might mean that there is no place
for you. Why would you want to be
included into such a group that do things
you do not find fun, or does not want
you?
They are his friends. Not yours. You
have your friends. Go hang around with
them. What does it matter if you do see
his friends much? As long as he is not
doing anything bad to you while he is out
with friends, you do not need to worry.
Just like he has no right to get jealous
with either.
Have some confindence. As long as you two
are getting along when together, and do
things together, and he seems to have fun
with you, why worry or create problems
where there are none?
If my wife said to me, she and her friends
were taking a trip to another country, I
would not mind. Nor, would she mind if me
and friends did the same thing. Of course
neither of us would expect to be included
on the other's vaction plans. There is no
problem. Now, if my wife would rather go
on a trip with friends than on a trip with
me, and vice versa we have a problem. In
general, if a partner would rather spend
time with friends than with their partner,
then there are issues.
However, this is not the complaint here.
Here, as I see it, we have a person who is
jealous and insecure. She wants to tag
along so she can keep an eye on her man.
On the otherside, we have the man who does
not want a babysitter while he is out with
his friends. Yes, being included
sometimes(about once or twice a year) is
fine and acceptable. But expecting to go
whenever you want is just slefish,
insecure, and wrong.
I suggest you relax a bit. Have fun with
your friends. You should not try to be so
controlling. If I had a gf that was like
that, I would drop her in a second.
