laura_friesen
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Feb 2006
Posts: 610
Location: , Canada
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Dad Problem..plz Respond
Posted: 11-06-06 19:06pm
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Hey ladies. Well, chad and I have been
engaged for a year and a bit now and now
that landon is here im..Ahh..I mean I love
landon to death but the last few days iv
just had enough of doing this on my own
and I seroiusly just wana die right now
like. I haven't ever had anyone to come
help me clean or make me dinner or
anything since landon has been born.
Chad went to work the day after he was
born and its just been me for just over 2
months now and I need help and chad doesnt
get it. Iv been going non stop 247. I
clean the house every day, make dinner
every day and take care of landon 247!
And I mean iv talked to him so much about
helping more and being a "dad" I mean I
know its a huge change but iv had to adapt
I dont c why so he shouldn't either? Cuz
its both of our child not just mine, and
rite now I feel like a single mom. When
chad comes home he does wat I ask but be's
smart about it most of the time, like make
a bottle. And then goes back to watching
tv. And when he does take him while im
in the shower its
"are u almost done" and then I get him
again and ladies im just so stressed out
just been crying all day not sure wat to
do. I told him how I felt again today
saying u need to more than just help me
with him but actually be with him . He
hasnt even chagned a diaper im just ahh I
dont know who else to get advice from cuz
I talked to my friends and they told me
just to make sure he knows wats going on
and he needs to grow up and be a man and
stuff and I told him, im not scared to
tell him how I feel but then he just says
well I try but me making him feel bad
makes him not want to . So I mean, I
dont know if I should just go to my moms
house for a few days to actualyl get help
and just breath or wat. ( who knows if
chad will even let me ) but not going to
bed til 5 am this morning and then getting
up at 7 this morning while chad sleeps all
nite just had enough this morning. He
hasnt changed a diaper or ever stayed up
at nite with me to help me let alone
anytime really I dont want to sound like a
beyotch but ahh I just..Ahh 
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Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004
Posts: 3717
Location: , va
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Posted: 11-06-06 19:11pm
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Welcome to motherhood. I never get any
help.. I will trade you places in a
heartbeat. Nah but it is up to you. If
you feel that you need the help and he
isnt trying to help you then maybe you
should go to your moms or even better ask
your mom to come and stay with you. Then
as any man he will get tired of your mom
being there and tell him well if you dont
want my mom here then I need you to help
out more... I totally understand how you
feel.
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ThriftyGal
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Apr 2006
Posts: 2982
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Posted: 11-06-06 19:16pm
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This scared me. I'm going to be a single
mom from day one. I would definitely
say go stay with your mom for a while.
Maybe he hears you but doesn't really
believe that it's that hard on you, and
maybe if you go for a while he'll see it's
really pushed you that far and you were
serious.
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laura_friesen
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Feb 2006
Posts: 610
Location: , Canada
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Posted: 11-06-06 19:28pm
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Ya maybe I should..Thanks ..I mean id be
okay by myself im okay with that its just
that he causes even more stress on me by
not wanting to be a dad it seems to me
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Becky
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Posted: 11-06-06 19:32pm
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I know how u feel. I went from having
loads of help to zero. It is hard and I
resent the hell outta neil for not helping
more. Christ it took two to make this
baby he should f**king pull his weight!
u gotta shape him up hun. When neil lived
with me we splitted it at least 60-/40.
It has to be fair to mommy too!
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AyaMiyaki
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Posted: 11-06-06 19:36pm
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I go through this sometimes with .Aaron.
He works 45+ hours a week and I stay home
with the baby. When he comes home he's
very tired from working, but he gets to
leave his job, I don't. It's hard to make
him understand that taking care of a
newborn is a full-time, 24/7 job that we
don't get a break from either.
It's really hard when he refuses to take
the baby for a little while, or if he
takes her but acts like he's doing me a
huge favor. So it's like, I have her when
he's at work, and I also have her when
he's at home "relaxing". It can get
really stressful. All I can really
suggest for you to do is to let him know
you need him to chip in more with the
baby, and that it would be nice if he
wouldn't make it out to be a huge deal,
because you do it without complaint every
day. If you think going to your mother's
for a few days would help, I say go for
it. You need a break sometime.
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
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Posted: 11-06-06 19:57pm
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Men don't get it no matter how often they
hear it. I hate to say it but I look
sooooooooo forward to the weekends when I
know trey will be with mike because I know
I get a bit of time to myself.
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Nataliachick7
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Apr 2006
Posts: 1535
Location: Wisconsin
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Posted: 11-06-06 21:54pm
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My boyfriend is the exact same way. My
son is almost 6 months now and ive told
him a million times I am going crazy doing
this alone...He is better for a day or so
and then he goes back to how it was. Men
suck.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
Posts: 4580
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Posted: 11-06-06 22:16pm
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Why not try it for a couple hours one
time, just go out by yourself, go window
shopping, go see a friend, bring home some
take out kind of treat yourself, see what
happens of course, I don't want to cause
any problems, talk to him about it 1st,
tell him you need a couple of hours break
and this is what you plan to do and see
how he re-acts.
Good luck!
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 11-07-06 09:24am
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Hun, I kinda know how you feel because I
am a single mother, however I don't have
anyone to even hold .Melia while I take a
shower. If she cries I pick her up, if
she is hungry, I feed her, if she needs a
bath, a change, or just someone to hold
her I do it.
Don't get me wrong I love her and she is
everything to me, but for the last 17
weeks, I have only had 4 hours where I
have had time away from her and I went to
a wedding. I would love to sleep for a
full 6 hours that would be the best right
now. But, I can't.
I guess it would be worse because you have
someone there who doesn't help as much as
you need. But I would love to have
someone there for even just an hour a day
or even a week. Someone to take her
while I take a bath, or go shopping, or
take a nap, clean my home with no
interuptions. It's crazy the things you
take advantage of before having a cute
little baby.
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diamondsz
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Joined: 07 Oct 2005
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Posted: 11-07-06 10:26am
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What you need to do is not make dinner for
him one night, or pull him aside and say
thats enough you need to bloody help,
hopefully he will get the picture!
I have mono for the 4th time im working 44
hrs weeks and my man was on parental and
would do caca it irritated the hell out of
so I just stopped and said thats enough
get up off your @$$. Sometimes you need
to be blunt/straight out cause men never
seem to pick up on subtle hints!
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AyaMiyaki
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Joined: 01 Jun 2006
Posts: 8154
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Posted: 11-07-06 10:36am
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Aaron took the baby last night so that I
could soak in the tub for a bit. I could
hear her start to cry, and he kept calling
from the other room ".Laura, how do I make
her stop?!" so I just turned the volume up
on my mp3 player and shaved my legs.
How the frack do you think I learned how
to stop her crying? Spend some time with
her and learn what she likes, genius.
It was awesome. 
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004
Posts: 6594
Location: Planet Tampaxia,
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Posted: 11-07-06 10:39am
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Sweetie - see a doctor because it sounds
as if you are heading for post natal
depression. That's not someting to be
ashamed of. But you also sound like my
nan in that she does stuff round the house
24/7 too.
Look around you - does that really
need doing right now?
There's an old saying rhyme - I can't find
it right now but it's something like.
Hush cobwebs and hush dust, you'll be here
another day, but for now i'm spending time
with my baby
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Becky
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Joined: 01 Jan 2006
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Location: London, England
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Posted: 11-07-06 10:53am
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It doesn't sound like ppd it just sound
like she's sick of incompetant men like
most of us!
I would love neil to take the kids
more often too so I can sort the house and
chill out. Men just don't get it do they?
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004
Posts: 6594
Location: Planet Tampaxia,
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Posted: 11-07-06 10:58am
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Your opinion differs to mine - many women
don't have a man around at all.
Besides for what it's worth my
contraversial opinion is that you
shouldn't expect a man to help.
It's your body, you chose to carry a
pregnancy and keep the child, therefore
any help you do get is an bonus but none
should be expected.
Contraversial - yes, but it's my opinion.
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Becky
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Joined: 01 Jan 2006
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Posted: 11-07-06 11:13am
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When you are in a loving relationship it
is about give and take. Especially when
abortion wasn't even suggested as an
option. It is the mans baby too is it
not? Did he not have sex and release his
sperm? Even if it was unplanned- then
obviously the woman didn't plan it too.
It is a completely sexist view for a woman
to be expected to do everything just
because she carried the baby.
Biologically it would either be a man or
woman who would carry a child. There is
no need for both sexes to carry a child.
A child has to be grown somewhere, it just
happens to be in the womens womb. What if
it grew in a man instead? I bet there
would be outrage if a guy had to look
after his kid just cause he 'grew it'
i can understand not expecting help when u
are no longer together as that is a
situation I have come to accept now but in
a marriage u are supposed to share the
load. That is what love is about- helping
each other out.
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004
Posts: 6594
Location: Planet Tampaxia,
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Posted: 11-07-06 11:19am
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Nope, not the way I was bought up,
sorry.
I always saw (and I agree with - hell
knows I disagree with most everything
about my parents did so to agree is a
miracle) but one parent kept house one
parent worked.
The working parent was not expected to
"help" keep house or do stuff with the
baby.
Where people got these ideas from is
beyond me. It's a mothers job to look
after the kids and keep house, and the
fathers job (if he is in the picture) to
go out and work.
Now, I appreciate for some that it works
best if they swap roles, so dad keeps
house and mom works.
I'm sorry but I simply do not see why
women expect a man to help them
do what they were evolved to do. I simply
do not get it.
I don't expect you to understand - even
steve doesn't understand my views on
this.
But that's how I feel.
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Becky
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Posted: 11-07-06 11:24am
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I'm not going to comment further or you
will end up locking this topic 
Last edited by Becky on 11-07-06 11:28am; edited 2 times in total
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004
Posts: 6594
Location: Planet Tampaxia,
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Posted: 11-07-06 11:26am
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Not unless people resort to personal
insults and name calling
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Becky
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Posted: 11-07-06 11:28am
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*just wanted to add- what if both parents
work cause they have to? Who is
responsible then? I guess the woman
still right? unfair! *
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