Fear of people and communication Posted: 11-12-06 07:31am
Hi. I'm an 18year old guy with some
problems. After ignoring them for a while,
i'm going to ask for help. I'll start with
my smaller problem, since i'm not sure if
the two are linked.
Firstly, i'm terrified of the phone.
Really, really scared of it. Even people I
know, like my partner, if they ring me
it'll be a huge battle of wills to decide
whether to pick it up. And it's stopped me
from getting job interviews and things in
the past because the idea of speaking to
someone I don't know is awful. I had to
ring my bank yesterday, and it took about
half an hour of just staring at the phone
before I physically forced myself to dial.
Before I was even connected my hands were
shaking like mad and I had trouble
speaking to her because I couldn't catch
my breath. My hands shook for about 20
minutes afterwards.
The other thing is a little more
complicated. For a while now (maybe 2-3
years?) i've been feeling like i'm slowly
growing less intelligent. I got fantastic
grades for my writing back in school, and
was hailed as a bit of a wonderkid. But
things have gone rapidly downhill since
then, my creative writing skills have all
but vanished, and looking at the work I
used to produce, I could never write that
well. I find it difficult to hold a
conversation at a normal pace, I stumble
over words and switch around letters, or
sometimes just start talking gibberish and
have to start again, slowly. It's got to
the point where I can't spontaneously
speak to people. I can't respond to things
people say to me unless I know they're
going to say it. All I can do is smile or
say 'yeah' no matter how relevant it is. I
feel like i'm slowly losing my
personality. All the time, I feel like i'm
being pretentious and not true to myself,
but i'm not sure who I am anymore. The
only thing I ever worry about is how
others percieve me, when I change my
image, it's purely for other people, to
make them like me and think i'm cool. I
get so utterly paranoid it makes me want
to cry. I feel like I have no sense of
self, even as i'm writing this now I feel
like i'm being pretentious. I'm so trapped
in this permanent confusion, having no
idea who I really am, what my
personality's really like. Is this how
normal teenagers feel?
There's more of the same, but I really
can't put it into words, no matter ow hard
I try. All I know is it'a making me so
miserable. I just want to be me.
Oh, and I realise some of my symptoms may
sound drug-related but i've only ever
smoked dope once, and that was way after
the symptoms started. I've never touched
any other drug.
Can you give me some idea where to look to
start helping myself?
I'm also extremely forgetful about certain
things, but not others. For example I can
remember names fairly well, and my memory
is so good in places that I can read a
book and then recall passages exactly
where they were on the page, things like
that. But i'll often forget to call
someone, or to set my alarm, or sometimes
to eat. I'm also very tense most of the
time, I naturally hunch my shoulders. I
also have a very high iq, and was a member
of mensa until I realised all they wanted
was my money. Could my iq have anything to
do with it? I don't know, i'm just trying
to cover all bases lol. Thanks.
About the first issue: it is not clear if
you are scared to speak on a phone or to
speak with people in general? Are you
afraid of the phone or of communication
with others? According to the description
of your second issue, I'm assuming that
you fear interactions with the people
around you. This type of behavior of
yours can be due to an anxiety disorder
(maybe social anxiety disorder). For a
correct diagnosis and proper treatment,
you can consult a mental health
specialist. If you have trouble with a
referral, you can visit your general
practitioner for suggestions.
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