Medical Abortion Forum - My Abortion: Best Decision I Ever Made!

:d

for the longest time I blamed the world, my boyfriend, my mother, & myself. I hated my decision to abort & I always felt like it was the biggest mistake I ever made. I became someone i'm not. Jealous of all new mothers & pregnant women; depressed because I felt as if I had lost my everything. I slacked off in school, gave up on making my relationships work, became very distant & withdrawn. I looked at my life as wrong; I wasn't supposed to be a student, I was supposed to be a mother. I had no drive anymore. I was 18-yr's old when I aborted, a senior in high school, a big sister to 3 younger siblings, the oldest daughter to a mother who was a teen herself when she started her family, but most of all I was a child.

:d

the decision wasn't one I considered at first. I planned on keeping my baby, but the whole ordeal was such a mess & I had disappointed so many people, I felt like I had no other choice in the end. I was taking a medication which caused severe deformities in a developing fetus. Afraid to give birth to a child who had more problems than I could handle, I chose to end my pregnancy; I was 10 wk's.

:d

please don't think it was as easy as go in, abort, & get out. It took 2-hr's of hysterical crying, backing out once, & a broken heart. I felt like the best of me died on the table. I became a completely different person; I was numb, angry, & most of all - hurt. I carried so much pain that the only way I felt any sort of release was to take it out on my boyfriend. We broke up & I fell into two more disasterous relationships; I was abused verbally, physically, mentally, & above all: sexually. I had no care for my body or myself. In the back of my mind, having wreckless sex would lead to another accident, I wanted to get pregnant again so badly to make up for the baby I felt I killed. I considered myself a murdered.

:d

but, I am not. I dealt with my abortion in all the wrong ways, up until recently. I've been with a great guy for the last 7 mo's. His name is ross & I love him unconditionally. We went through a lot in the beginning, mainly due to my extreme highs & extreme lows. I started to target him as the bull's eye of my pain. I'm not much better & I only came to a lot of life's realizations only recently. I'm working on myself & the issues I struggle to let go of.

:d

here is how I look at my abortion & how I came to realize it was without a doubt the best decision I ever made:

i was 18-yr's old. So I was still very young. At that age, I should not be at home taking care of a baby, but I should be out enjoying my youth. A baby isn't a toy; it's not a doll to dress up & show off. Everyone thinks babies are cute, but they grow up fast. I fell in love with the idea of having this perfect little family, but realistically - would my boyfriend have really stuck around to play the role of daddy? Probably not. We weren't the best couple; we had a very unhealthy relationship. We fought all the time, over nothing & everything. How would that have affected a third person? Children take in a lot from their parents & the relationship they have with each other. A person's childhood shapes who they are. Parents shape their children. My mother was a teen-mom & I was following in her foot-steps. I was so angry with her for taking me to the abortion clinic & for not allowing me to back-out without showing her disappointment. I held that against her for a long time, but now: I couldn't thank her enough. I never looked at her from her point of view, but she saw herself in me & she knew from experience the obstacles I would be faced with if I decided to carry this pregnancy to term & actually give birth. She was doing what she felt was best for me, not herself. I always thought my mother didn't support me or care about my feelings, but it was the complete opposite.

:d

if I had a baby right now, a 2-yr. Old to be exact, how different would my life be? I don't live at home anymore. I work a lot of hr's at a dead-end job just to make ends meet, btwn. Rent & bills, i'm constantly in need of money. My child would not be raised by me, but a day care or a baby-sitter. That's not fair. Would I still be with the baby's father? Most likely, no. I would think he'd stick around to play a part in his child's life, but that would due to his parents pressuring him. Would I be with ross? A guy who treats me with the respect I deserve; a guy who proves to me over & over again that I am worth something. Ross is amazing! He's the first guy I have ever been with who has his life together. He works a great job, goes to college & will be graduating this coming spring with two separate degrees, and most of all: he's true to himself. He is so good to me & for me. If I had a baby, chances are I would have never given him a chance. I'd be so wrapped up in trying to make it work with the baby's father, that i'd brush off any thought of getting into a better relationship.

:d

i don't consider abortion selfish, unless you use it as a form of birth control. Everybody makes mistakes. However, I don't consider getting an abortion a mistake either. The only way i'd consider getting an abortion a mistake is if I didn't learn something from it. And, for years I did not. I didn't see the lesson to be learned, up until recently.

:d

my child wouldn't be happy right now. They wouldn't have everything they deserve. They would be loved, of course, but love can only do so much for a person. When I have children, I want them to look up to a successful woman. I want them to be proud to call me their mother. I want them to have financial stability. As a mother & a parent, it would be my job to make sure they are happy & they have the world. I don't want them to resent me for being so young when I gave birth to them.

:d

and, think about everything I would miss out on. I'm 20-yr's old right now, turning 21-yr's in december! So excited! I'm going away for the weekend with ross & a bunch of friends. A whole weekend of celebration! If I had a baby, my 21st birthday wouldn't be spent away from home, drinking & partying. I'd miss out on the biggest birthday of my youth.

In january, ross is taking me to las vegas! Once again: something I wouldn't get to experience if I was a teen-mom.

There is so much I want to do for myself before I become a mommy. I want to experience dating, not marriage. I want to make sure I marry a guy who will love me & his family unconditionally. I want my children to grow up in a happy home, a healthy home. I want them to learn from their parents what a the definition of a healthy relationship is. My mother settled for my father & now they are divorced. They fought all throughout my childhood. For a while I dated guys who were very similar to my dad. My mom worried i'd end up in the same situation as her because my relationships mirrored the ones she got herself into at my age.

:d

i want to have stories to tell my babies. Kids are always curious about the lives of their parents, regardless of what age they are. I have a photo album of ross & myself. In only 7 mo's of dating we have done so much. We travel quite a bit when we both have off of work. Nowhere near as far as las vegas, but we enjoy our home state & the states surrounding us.

I see potential in ross as a life partner. He'll make a great father & loving husband. I'm not saying that he is "the one" for sure, but right now we are very happy with one another.

If we have children somewhere down the road, I want them to look at our photo album & enjoy it as much as I do. I want them to look at our pictures & ask for the stories. I want to be able to entertain them with my memories; their parents memories. Dating is fun & full of out-going freedom.

Ross & I have all the freedom in the world to enjoy each other. It's just him & me, which is the way it should be. We're young & in love, full of life & energy. Right now, we aren't held back by anything, esp. A child & all the responsibilities that come with being a parent.

:d

i want to be a mother & my maternal desire sometimes gets the best of me. But, I have to keep myself in reality's world. Having a baby & being a mother isn't easy, it's about putting yourself & your needs second. At this age, I want to be selfish. I want to enjoy myself. I want to enjoy my friends, my boyfriend, & my youth.

When my child says to me, "...Mommy, when you were my age..." I want to tell them that I was out having fun or working hard to make something of myself. When my teen daughter asks me about my teen-yr's, I don't want to have to disappoint her by saying, "...When I was your age, I was working two jobs just to buy you diapers & to keep a roof over your head..." I want her to know that I had a life & that I made unforgettable memories with my friends. I want her to know that I didn't settle for some guy just because I was afraid to be alone with a toddler. I want her to know that I waited to become the mother that I am now.

:d

we only get one life to live & I gave myself a second chance to live it to it's fullest. Accidents happen. It was only my second time to have sex when I got pregnant. We used a condom, but it broke. I can't be blame myself for something I had no control over. Yes, I know I could have remained sexually inactive, but after dating the same guy for 2-1/2 yr's & waiting so long to be so close, you make stupid decisions. Just because I decided I was ready to have sex, doesn't mean I am ready to take responsibility for a baby.

It angers me when people say, "if you feel you are ready to have sex, then you are ready to be pregnant & care for a baby." think about that statement. Don't just consider it, really comprehend it.

A baby isn't a responsibility, it isn't a consequence of sex - it is a person. A human being. It grows & learns from it's parents. I was an irresponsible teen; immature & still a kid. Would I make a good parent? Does having sex & getting pregnant mean I am ready to raise a baby? Would I have really made for a good mother? The correct answer is no, but I know people would debate me.

:d

people criticize me for what I did; for getting an abortion. Do you know how many people would have criticized my terrible parenting skills due to my young age? How many people would have called me a "bad mother" for leaving my child in the care of others while I worked my butt off to make ends meet? How many people would have called me wreckless for going out to party every now & then, for drinking? How many people would have felt sympathy for the baby I had so young? Either way, I face being judged; either way, I deal with negative remarks. Personally, i'd rather face them alone than drag a child into it; think of all the things they'd hear growing up.

:d

getting an abortion is a very personal decision & for most women, esp. Young girls, it isn't an easy choice to make. Until you have been put in their position, you have no room to judge them.

It angers me when people automatically label me as a killer or when they argue with me about how "abortion shouldn't be legal." you do not know my life's story & you do not know how hard my decision was to make.

I had friends who were so pro-life at the time of my abortion that they stopped talking to me when I opted to abort. However, after talking about it with me & seeing first hand the reality of teen pregnancy, they came around & forgave me. Some of them even crossed over to being pro-choice.

:d

this was long, but it came from the heart. I have no regrets attached to what I did. I gave myself the chance to fully grow & even more, i've given my future family - esp. My future children - the chance to be born into something better; into the life & the family they rightfully deserve. I will be a good mother when the time is right, but until then: I am living my life the way I always dreamed I would - to its fullest.

:d