Joined: 25 Nov 2006 Posts: 1 Location: Huddersfield, Uk
Help? (may Trigger). Posted: 11-25-06 14:39pm
Hi, i'm new. Sorry I haven't propably
introduced myself yet. I guess I just
really need some support right now.
Okay so a bit of back ground info: for the
past few months i've been having some
issues with food. I've been restricting
my calories etc and eating anything these
days has become such a struggle. It's
strange, I used to enjoy eating, I never
thought twice about it. But now, after I
eat anything (no matter how small or
large), I get so depressed and angry with
myself. I know i'm developing a problem
but I haven't been diagnosed with an
eating disorder. I do, however, have most
of the signs of anorexia apart from the
fact that i'm still in the healthy weight
catogery. I see a counsellor and I have
an appointment to see a dietician on
monday - which will be our first meeting.
Okay so the reason for this post? I just
need to... I don't know. I need some
reassurance I guess. I feel so depressed
and angry wth myself right now. I've just
eaten so much pasta. I've starved myself
all day and now, tonight, I had some
pasta... But I couldn't stop and now I
feel like i've eaten so much. There was a
voice in my head, yelling at me to stop.
"stop eating you fat pig!" but I didn't.
Now I hate myself. I feel like i've
failed. That's never happened to me
before. Other times I was able to stop
eating, move away from the food, I had
control. But tonight has scared me, I
felt so out of control.
A few months ago I went through a phase of
purging. But I stopped doing that. I'm
not sure why to be honest. I just stopped
and I haven't tried to make myself sick
for at least 3 months... Until tonight.
I tried, I admitt that yes I did try to
make myself sick tonight. But nothing
would come up. A good thing I guess? I
don't know anymore.
I just feel so guilty right now. I'm so
fed up of feeling like this. I wish I
could just... Ugh I don't know. I would
say "i wish I could just eat normally" but
i've become to realise that it's not about
food and weight... It's about me, my
life, more underlying issues.
Sorry if i've ranted on a bit. I'm not
sure what this post is for. I'm not even
sure if i'm expecting anyone to reply. As
you can gather my head is pretty mixed up
right now. I'm sorry if this is making no
sense, i'm sorry if i'm wasting your time.
But hey, thanks for reading and thanks
for replying if you do
|
v00d00cita
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 725
Thanks: 0
Thanked:4
Re: Help? (may Trigger). Posted: 11-26-06 13:40pm
Helly. I'm alda, 21, from portugal.
Nice to meet you.
I suffer from bulimia / eating disorders
nos (not otherwise specified) - it
swings...
shabba_tastic
wrote:
i know i'm developing a
problem but I haven't been diagnosed with
an eating disorder. I do, however, have
most of the signs of anorexia apart from
the fact that i'm still in the healthy
weight catogery. I see a counsellor and
I have an appointment to see a dietician
on monday - which will be our first
meeting.
the meeting will be fine, I hope. Tell
everything you feel, because people want
to help you and need to know all those
things to be able to do their job, ok? Be
strong, it may not be easy..
shabba_tastic
wrote:
i've starved myself all day
and now, tonight, I had some pasta...
But I couldn't stop and now I feel like
i've eaten so much. There was a voice in
my head, yelling at me to stop. "stop
eating you fat pig!" but I didn't. Now I
hate myself. I feel like i've failed.
That's never happened to me
before.
i know what it feels like, I have all
those thoughts all the time, it's so
painful. I wish I didn't exist, I feel
like a fat pig, you know? I've gone
through periods of intense purging,
binging, starvation... Whatever. I'm
just so tired and I know it this thing
that makes me so tired.
I just want to be okay...
By soing that you're doing to yourself,
you're harving irreversibly your body.
You probably know that, but it's not
harming to tell you this again, over and
over again.
shabba_tastic
wrote:
i just feel so guilty right
now. I'm so fed up of feeling like this.
I wish I could just... Ugh I don't
know. I would say "i wish I could just
eat normally" but i've become to realise
that it's not about food and weight...
It's about me, my life, more underlying
issues.
so, I hope you really get good help and
get better. You are worth more than your
body image or your weight. You really are
a nice person, I can tell for what I read
that I really feel that way about you.
Please, count on me on anytime you need,
even if it's just to chat, ok?
Cheers **
