I feel really rotten and broken hearted
today, so I thought i’d share my story
with everyone. It will probably get too
long, but i’m pretty depressed right
now. I dated a guy named brandon for
almost four years and we lived together
for three and a half. It wasn’t the
best relationship in the world, but it
wasn’t the worst. We lived in an
apartment in greenville and last summer we
met some neighbors, two guys, who lived
downstairs and started hanging out with
them every day. One of the guys was
about a year younger then me and we became
friends pretty quickly although he always
looked at me with eyes brandon didn’t
like. Even though johnny had a
girlfriend at the time. Last september,
the neighbors moved and my guy friend,
johnny moved back in with his parents and
I didn’t see him all last winter.
Brandon and I worked at the same place
and decided that we hated our jobs and
wanted to quit in april. We thought
we’d be able to find jobs before rent
time came. We weren’t able to by the
beginning of may but were able to pay that
rent. Johnny moved back into greenville
and may and he, brandon and I hung out a
few times in april. Early in may,
brandon and his friend went up north to
brandon’s parents’ cabin for the night
against my wishes. I was stuck hanging
out with brandon’s friend’s girlfriend
suzy, who I thought was pretty annoying.
So I called up johnny and we all hung out
at my apartment. Johnny told me that he
recently had broken up with the girl whom
he’d been dating on and off for three
years. Johnny wanted us to see his new
apartment so we went over there. What
happened was that we dumped suzy off at
her house and johnny and I went back to
his house to have sex. I was drunk, mind
you. After johnny and I were done, so to
speak, I checked my cell phone and there
was a message from brandon saying that he
hoped what happened didn’t really
happen. Suzy called brandon and his
friend and told them that I had slept with
johnny. Suzy had no actual proof and
even though I felt extremely terrible
lying to brandon I made up an excuse.
Brandon and I couldn’t find jobs so we
decided to move to his parents’ house
sixty miles away in merrill. We moved
all of our things up to merrill and needed
to go back to greenville to finish fixing
up the apartment for a weekend. That
weekend I ended up hanging out with johnny
and had sex with him again. I insisted
that I didn’t want to be in a
relationship with him, I told him I was
dating brandon, but he insisted that he
wanted me. So throughout the entire
summer in merrill, I snuck down to
greenville almost every weekend to visit
johnny and our affair lasted two months.
One day I realized that my bills were
horribly backed-up, I was working part
time at a low-paying job in merrill and I
needed to move back to greenville to find
a higher paying job.
I ended up breaking brandon’s heart; I
ran away back to greenville in the middle
of the night with the help of my friends.
I moved back in with my parents and got a
decent-paying job. I started dating
johnny in august; brandon never found out
about our affair although he suspected it
from time to time. My relationship with
johnny went pretty bad. We fought a lot
and he really nit-picked me. He
couldn’t get over his ex-girlfriend even
though he just “had to have me”. I
found out he wasn’t all that I imagined
him to be and today we finally broke up.
Actually I think he broke up with me,
i’m not sure, but he sure broke my
heart. I essentially ran away from a
four year relationship to be with this guy
and he pretty much treated me like I
wasn’t important. Johnny still wants
to be friends because he insists we make
better friends then lovers, but I don’t
know if I want to have anything to do with
him anymore. I wouldn’t be able to
stand hanging out with him if he’s with
another girl because i’m sure he’ll
replace me pretty quickly. Am I wrong to
not want to have anything to do with him
anymore; should I still be friends with
him? I still talk to brandon and i’m
planning on visiting him soon but I feel
that I really was made a fool of by
johnny. What do you think?
|
littlesqueaks
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 296 Location: Caldwell, Idaho
Posted: 11-26-06 03:05am
It seems as if you been through a wirl
wind in your relationships. It seems that
in most cases where one has cheated is
because one feels that they are missing
something in the one relationship and
feels that they can gain it through
another person. Or the first relationship
was going bad for some reason or
another.
Brandon may have had some qualities that
were not making you happy that had chased
you off to choose to find better ones
through johnny. But what you found is
that johnny even had worse qualities. It
happens alot in relationships where one
finds things in their significant other
that they don't like but it is usually
later on in the relationship. What it
comes down to is are these qualities worth
spending the rest of your life dealing
with or should you move on. Are you sure
you want to keep either guy in your life?
Because if you do how do you know that the
same thing might not happen again?
Being friends is ok but to soon after a
break up could cause you or even them to
fall back into the same pattern. You tend
to fall back into the "comfort zone" what
happens then could end up being a visious
circle. You date brandon, find someone
that you feel is going to treat you
better, leave brandon for another guy find
that he is even worse so on and so
forth.
As for being friends with johnny, don't
let him lead you by a leash!!!! Give it
some time with some separation between the
two of you discover what is out there have
a good time take care of you then maybe
once you have both feet on the ground
again look him up. But really what he did
to you was lead you on to this "i want
you" bit and if you stay on his back
burner he may just do it again!!!! Keep
your chin up and I hope I have been of
some help have a great day!!!!!!!!!!
|
Honekaur
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 May 2006 Posts: 56
Posted: 11-26-06 13:03pm
Thanks for taking the time to read my
excessively long post. You are right, I
would not go back to either of the guys
for a relationship because if I did, the
same things would just happen again.
Brandon and I talk occasionally; once
every other week. I haven't seen him
since I went back to his parents' house in
august to pick up some things that I left
behind, so I think visiting him now (with
a lot of my friends) would be harmless.
As for johnny, I don't think I want to see
him again in a very long time, if ever
again, because we never really had much in
common in the first place. Our
friendship last summer stemmed from the
fact that he had a crush on me, pretty
much. He insisted that we made better
friends then lovers. I really hope that
he can get his act together and make sure
that he is over all of his previous gf's
before he brings another poor girl into
his life.
|
Honekaur
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 May 2006 Posts: 56
An Update! Posted: 11-29-06 04:34am
Well it didn't take me too long to get
over this relationship as I figured it
wouldn't because the actual relationship
only lasted four or so months. I was
really hurt for about three days and I was
not planning on talking to my ex ever
again. But then I realized that we were
good friends before the whole
affair/relationship thing even started.
So I called him tonight and apologized for
yelling at him and we had a long
discussion about everything. We agreed
that if I am actually pregnant that we
will have 50-50 custody of the child and
we'll both pay for the expenses which is
good for me. One thing we can't agree on
is whose last name the child would have.
Anyway we decided to stay friends,
possibly with benefits, but i'm not sure
that will be a good idea yet.
I realize now that we rushed into things
too quickly and we were too serious about
being serious and that put too much
pressure on us and I tried too hard to
make it work. So we're going to be
friends for now and he said that in the
future we could consider dating again,
which is something I don't think I would
want to do, but maybe. We just need time
to build up trust for each other and to be
able to relax around each other as well.
I hope you are all doing well as I know
that a lot of relationships end a lot
uglier then this (i.E., my previous
relationship!). Best of luck to you all!
|
Makoto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 263 Location: Japan
Posted: 11-29-06 07:14am
It seems to me you like to cause your own
grief.
You have self destructive behaviours.
You should in the future think about how
you will actually benefit from you
choices. You seem to chose what feels
best, and not what will be best for you.
If you do have a child, you will need to
adopt this type of thinking. You can not
act because you want to, but because it
will benefit you in the future.
|
Honekaur
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 May 2006 Posts: 56
I Couldn't Agree With Your More... Posted: 12-02-06 03:09am
I do have self-destructive behaviors. I
didn't have to have an affair with the
guy, but I ended up doing so. I didn't
have to date him later on either, knowing
beforehand that he wouldn't have been a
very good boyfriend, but I decided to take
the risk anyway. If I end up having a
child, I will do what's best for the both
of us, and I think that the child should
have the right to see his/her father. I
like to act how I want whether it will
hurt me or not, because that's how I am.
For example: i'm lactose intolerant but
there's an ice cream vending machine at
work. I can't pass it up some days, so
when I eat some ice cream, knowing full
well what will happen, I get sick a half
an hour later. I guess I take the
consequences as they come but I will do
what's best for the baby, if there is one.
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