Hi everyone. I'm 26 years old.
I have 3 children aged 3, 6 and 10
i'm in a good relationship with their
father.
I unexpectably found out a few days ago
that i'm pregnant(3 tests to make sure) by
calculations i'm around 6 and half
weeks.
I'm just so confused at the minute. I'm
happy where my life is at the moment, my
children are at the ages now where life is
easier. Before this happened, I was
adamant that I didnt want anymore kids. I
cant bear the thought of going through it
all over again, not being able to sit and
relax when I want, and rushing out the
house in a morning with 4 kids, especially
a newborn. Not being able to go to bed
when I want, having to go through another
night time routine with a baby before I
can even think about settling down. It
may all seem like little problems and it
will only be bad for the first couple of
months, but I was almost at the stage with
my youngest where she was in full time
school, and I could go to part time
college to get more of an education or a
part time job.
In the same breath though, ive never
disagreed with abortions, I think what is
right for one person is the right thing to
do. But its something I dont think I
could cope with. I dont think I could
ever forgive myself. I have had a life
full of so much crap, which so many of us
have and I cant even come to terms with
past experiences as it is, never mind
dealing with an abortion too.
My partner doesnt really want to go
through having another baby either, but
hes being very supportive and says no
matter what desision I make, he will stick
by me 100%. If we chose to have the baby,
we will both bond and love this baby
unconditionally like we do our other 3,
that goes without saying. We'll never
resent the baby at all, not a chance.
Allthough I have a feeling that if I do
decide to keep the baby he will not be
very happy at all, but I know he will get
used to the idea, as I would.
I just really dont know what to do. How
do I even start to make a desision like
this and know its the right desision at
that?
I've spoken to my best friend and in no
way does she know what to say, she's just
as stumped as I am bless her.
I'm a very maternal type of person and I
know that if I chose to have an abortion
by the time it comes round to it, im
scared of bonding with the baby.
Please anyone, just a tiny little bit of
advice on how I come round to choosing?
Help me please! Xxxxxx
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Jules
Moderator
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 3789 Location: Merrie Englande, UK
Thanks: 85
Thanked:69
Posted: 11-26-06 10:34am
Well it's tricky for anyone here to advise
you because no-one should influence you to
do something that you might later regret.
That said, I will give you my own personal
views but the decision is of course,
ultimately yours to make. I think that
if you believe you will find it hard to
cope with having an abortion then you
shouldn't have one. At the end of the
day, you have to make your choice based on
your own beliefs and what you think you
can live with.
You are probably still in shock from
discovering you're pregnant so don't rush
into a decision because if you have an
abortion there is no turning back. In my
humble opinion, it doesn't sound as if you
are a 'good candidate' for abortion; it
sounds as if it may really hurt you
emotionally.
It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks
of you and the choice you make - as long
as you are secure in your decision.
I can only re-iterate what purestgreen
said; your situation is quite tricky. As
you said, you would not resent the baby
should you keep it, and both you and your
partner will love it; on the other hand,
you both did not have any previous desire
to have another child.
Going on what you said in your post, you
seem to be one of those very unfortunate
women who end up feeling awful about their
abortion for a long time to come. Having
said that, I would urge you to give it
another week or so to let the realisation
of your pregnancy sink in and see how you
feel then; if you feel terminating is the
best option and you feel comfortable with
that decision, then terminate; if you
still feel that you would not be able to
live with having an abortion and you feel
as though the baby will have a good life
should you choose to carry it to term,
keep it.
If I were you, I would give it a few more
days and sharing your feelings with your
partner before you come to a final
decision. If you do not feel any
different to how you do now by that point,
I would keep the baby if I were in your
shoes.
Although don't go solely on what I or
purestgreen have said. We're advising
you, and I think my suggestion sounds
pretty fair.
Good luck.
Kypros.
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Carifairy
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2610 Location: Charlotte n.c.
Thanks: 12
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-26-06 14:34pm
I have some advice and considerations for
you..
I work in an abortion clinic, I see a lot
of moms with 1-2-3-4 children, whom just
like you, thought that their lives were
already set and finally 'easier'.
You are most certainly not the first
mother who has contemplated abortion, and
this is not something that is easy for all
women. Many mothers tell me 'i don't want
to have an abortion, but I do not want
another preganncy either".
I do not believe abortion is a bad
decision, nor does it make you a bad
person, but you should decide for yourself
if it is right for you.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Fanlight Posted: 11-26-06 16:42pm
First of all, welcome to ehealth! I
pretty much agree with the above posters
and mainly .Purestgreen. I cannot say
have an abortion or don't have an abortion
because it is just not me! It is your
choice and I wish you the best with
whatever choice that you make!
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fanlight
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Nov 2006 Posts: 3 Location: England
Posted: 11-27-06 17:02pm
Hi everyone, i've thought and thought this
decision over, i'm almost certain that I
couldn't cope with an abortion. I've gone
over the situation in my head on more than
one occasion if I was to keep this baby,
and I know I could cope with another one,
although its going to be very hard.
The initial shock has calmed down now and
i'm actually starting to think clearer.
I'm not sure how my partner is going to
take the news, like I said before, he will
be very supportive but I can imagine him
to not be very happy about this at all.
I'm plucking up the courage at the moment
to break the news to him.
Thanks to all of you for your advice. Its
lovely to know that theres always someone
there to talk to whether you know them or
not.
Thank you xxxxx
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fanlight
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Nov 2006 Posts: 3 Location: England
Posted: 11-28-06 12:48pm
Thought id give you all an update. Spoke
to my partner and as much as he isnt over
the moon, he was fantastic and agrees that
if I dont feel comfortable having an
abortion then I deffinately shouldnt. We
know this is going to be very hard with 4
children, but we have each other and im so
pleased I have his support.
Thank you again to you all for your advice
and a good ear when I needed it most.
Xxxxxxx
