New Here And Would Love Some Advice Posted: 11-28-06 22:38pm
Hello everyone,
my name is hope and i'm 21. M boyfriend
and I have been dating for over a year
now, and we've been discussing having a
baby. I know some people may say it's too
soon but we're both very ready. Here's my
problem though:
he's 29(that's not the problem ) but he's had a
rough past. He's done every type of drug
you can think of and drank everyday. He's
been clean ever since we started dating
and i've helped him with that, i've helped
with his withdrawl and everything that
comes with and i'm so proud of him now.
He was addicted to painkillers for the
longest time(percs) to the point where he
couldn't function a day without them.
Plus he's a smoker. Still. The only
thing he didn't quit. We're working on
that lol. Would all the drugs that have
been through his system over the years
affect his sperm count..Or anything to do
with that?
Second problem. No one supports our
relationship. Everyone including my
friends and family judge him for his past
and they do not see the change in him. So
that's why it's a little bit hard for me
to tell people I want a baby because i'll
be like disowned by everyone.
But this is what I want. And this is what
he wants. We are so ready. We've both
got great jobs, more than enough money to
support a baby, our relationship is
amazing. He loves me more than anything
and shows me that everyday. (i get 60
dollar bouquet of flowers every payday :d
) and he's there for me emotionally and
sexually and everything and I feel like
this is so right and totally the right
time.
But no one else is going to think so. I
just have no one at all to support me.
And that just hurts..Because i'm so
excited about the prospect but everyone's
just going to judge me for it. *sigh*
also, is it wrong that we don't want to
get married yet? It's not that we never
want to get married. Just not now. Is it
weird that we're doing it opposite lol?
This is my second month off the pill and
i'm expecting my period this sunday the
3rd. We used a condom last month but I we
really want to try to concieve this
month.
Anyway, I was just venting because I have
no one else to vent to. I've been reading
around the forum and you guys seem like a
great supportive bunch. I'm not even
asking for you to support me in anyway.
Just some opinions of the questions I did
ask would be really helpful and
appreciated.
P.S. Sorry for like..The novel lol. I'll
keep it short next time
|
Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006 Posts: 7276
Posted: 11-28-06 22:50pm
First of all..
To hell with everyone else, .Hope. Who
cares what they think?!
You cant base your happiness on other
peoples opinions.
If you did.. You'd be a depressed twit
with no life.
If they loved you or cared about you in
any way.. They'd support you if he's good
to you. They'd give him the benefit of
the doubt, and trust your judgement.
(unless you've been one to get into things
you shouldnt.. We have no reason to think
otherwise.) your family probably just
unfortunately sees his past and they are
afraid he'll let you down or hurt you.
Thats family for you. Put yourself in
their shoes. You'd prolly do the same.
Secondly.. These days marriage is just a
piece of paper. If you guys love each
other, what does it matter?? I personally
am married, but thats just what I wanted.
If thats not what you want, cool. Dont
get married. Big deal. If anyone has a
problem with it, f*ck 'em.
Lastly...
I love reading... And helping. So dont
appologize. We all love to help. Most of
us are like sisters. So vent away!
|
HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8006 Location: Missouri, United States
Thanks: 2
Thanked:1
Posted: 11-28-06 22:55pm
I agree with everything sandy just said
does your family not understand that
*everyone* makes mistakes? They must
think they're perfect, which no one is.
You should point this out to them if you
haven't.
Kudos to him for straightening his life
out good luck!
|
hope4all
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2006 Posts: 5
Posted: 11-28-06 22:58pm
Thanks
i'm usually a pretty opinionated person
and i've learned not to think about all
the things my parents and friends have
been throwing in my face about my
boyfriend for the past year and a half. I
trust him. It's just when it comes to
something so big as a baby it's hard not
to care about everyone else. What if
he/she just won't get accepted. I want
the child to be loved by it's grandparents
like I was loved by mine. (i think I love
my grandma more than my mom) I called
her..My grandma, who lives in europe and I
told her everything and she's like "well
your mom has been a brat since she was a
kid so don't worry about her" and then she
went on a rant about how she was going to
spoil my future kid rotten. I do have my
grandma, it just sucks that the only
person who's there is a katrillion miles
away.
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littlesqueaks
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 296 Location: Caldwell, Idaho
Posted: 11-28-06 23:06pm
So you have been with your boyfriend for a
year you say and you both would like a
child. There is always a possibilty of
low sperm count when having a past drug
addiction problem, but that is not 100%.
You won't of course really know until you
are having trouble getting pregnant and he
goes through the testing.
If you don't mind me getting to personal
why are your friends and family against
your relationship? I have the same
problem my family does not agree with my
relationship either but we have been
together for 3 years and I don't let that
effect our relationship. But it kind of
makes our situation different because I
don't have children with him and don't
plan to I have 2 from my first marriage.
Being that you have helped change him for
the better your family and friends need to
except that and in doing so that would
make having a family with this man a
little easier
marriage is deffinantly just a piece of
paper. I went through the marriage thing
already once. I am choosing not to do it
again for my own personal reasons. Who
says you need that piece of paper to have
a child anyways??? Just make sure that
this is really what you want because a
family should be a life time arrangement
to many people these days are rushing into
marriage and children then finding that
they didn't fit together and divorce has
become a popular quick fix but that just
puts kids in a broken home.
If you ever want to talk don't be affraid
to pm me I ma on just about every night!!!
Keep your chin up and good luck
|
Ingi
Supporter
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8723 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 156
Thanked:189
Posted: 11-28-06 23:23pm
Hmm, i'm going to be the bee in the
bonnet...
A year? And he was addicted to
drugs/alcohol? If you helped him get off
those (great job, btw), that means he has
been sober/drug free for less than a
year.
That, my dear, is why your family is
having a difficult time. Generally (and
i'm not saying this is the case with your
bf), a leopard does not change his spots
overnight.
Having your first baby is an incredibly
stressful time in a person's life and they
need all the support they can get. You
will need all the support you can get,
from your family and friends.
Good luck whatever you decide. And
congrats to your bf for being sober!
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channy-leigh
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Oct 2006 Posts: 66 Location: Australia..
Posted: 11-29-06 05:24am
They have been dating for .O.V.E.R a year,
and hes been clean since they have been
dating.. Doesnt that mean hes been
sober/drug free for more not less than a
year!
|
Guest
Posted: 11-29-06 06:08am
He was clean about a month and a half into
our relationship..So he's been sober for
about a year and 3 months. He's doing
awesome. I was at a bar once and he
didn't know I was there and I physically
saw him deny drugs from his old dealer.
He's amazing and I love him and he's going
to make such a great father.
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hope4all
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2006 Posts: 5
Posted: 11-29-06 06:11am
Sorry that was me. That was the night I
realized I love him. Anyway, thank you
all for the support and advice. I
appreciate it.
|
Ingi
Supporter
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8723 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 156
Thanked:189
Posted: 11-29-06 11:51am
channy-leigh
wrote:
they have been dating for
.O.V.E.R a year, and hes been clean since
they have been dating.. Doesnt that mean
hes been sober/drug free for more not less
than a year!
actually, I feel the same way regardless
of whether it is a year, under a year, or
more than a year.
Family is a huge part of our lives. We
can try to deny that. We can even run
away from them for awhile - but at some
point, everyone needs their family and if
you are in a situation your
parents/family/friends don't like it is
going to be harder for you when you need
support.
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 11-29-06 13:41pm
heathercarl
wrote:
I have the same problem my family does
not agree with my relationship either but
we have been together for 3 years and I
don't let that effect our relationship.
But it kind of makes our situation
different because I don't have children
with him and don't plan to I have 2 from
my first marriage.
from reading other posts
you've made, I can see why your family
doesn't agree with your relationship
ingi
wrote:
channy-leigh
wrote:
they have been dating for
.O.V.E.R a year, and hes been clean since
they have been dating.. Doesnt that
mean hes been sober/drug free for more not
less than a
year!
actually, I feel the same way regardless
of whether it is a year, under a year, or
more than a year.
Family is a huge part of our lives. We
can try to deny that. We can even run
away from them for awhile - but at some
point, everyone needs their family and if
you are in a situation your
parents/family/friends don't like it is
going to be harder for you when you need
support.
and I totally agree with
ingi.Give him more time to get over all of
it.What he just did was a major thing and
thats hard.I think you should wait a while
and let things die down.Yes,he's been
clean for a year or so,but you need to
make sure he has ways to deal with his
stress otherwise he will go right back to
the drugs and your family will fall apart.
) but he's had a
rough past. He's done every type of drug
you can think of and drank everyday. He's
been clean ever since we started dating
and i've helped him with that, i've helped
with his withdrawl and everything that
comes with and i'm so proud of him now.
He was addicted to painkillers for the
longest time(percs) to the point where he
couldn't function a day without them.
Plus he's a smoker. Still. The only
thing he didn't quit. We're working on
that lol. Would all the drugs that have
been through his system over the years
affect his sperm count..Or anything to do
with that?
