Ok so heres where I am at..... My x
husband and I met as teenagers I fell in
love with him immediately and new he was
the one I would end up with. We stayed
friends thru the years, he & I both
got married to different people he had 2
children & I had none. 11 years ago
after we were both divorced - we decided
to get married. We were very intensely in
love, but we never quite got along....
Like we did as friends. There was a lot
of passionate fighting in the first few
years, splitting up, then it ended up in
the last few year with no communication
what so ever. I felt dead inside. He
kept pushing me for counseling for
anything to salvage our marriage. We were
both extremely unhappy. I couldn't even
muster enough energy to think of starting
counseling with him & rehashing all of
our differences. So he left. It felt
good, to be free again, to be able to live
my life the way I want & feel the way
I want and not have to answer to anyone.
For months he begged me back. For months
I refused & wouldn't even discuss it.
He has now accepted the break up and is
feeling pretty good. I am very proud of
him & feel good he is in a good place,
he is starting to test the waters &
due to our 20 year history I want him
happy, and his happiness means the world
to me. So here is me: an old best male
friend ( not lover ) who was relocating
here, after his 10 year marriage
dissolved. Needed a place to stay while
he "got his stuff together" which was
great cus being a single mom & having
some one who helps out with the bills is a
blessing. He is wonderful, he is my best
friend we get along great, have all the
same things in common. My son is in love
with him, and vise versa. The house hold
started shifting into a family atmosphere,
we found ourselves sleeping in the same
bed ( yes that means what you think it
means ) and acting like a married couple.
Hes in love with me & I do love him
because of our history..... But the
calmer my life gets... The more we are
starting to grow, the more I start
thinking about my x husband. I know in my
heart I love my x husband. He is the love
of my life. I am not sure it will ever be
possible for us to ever find a place where
he & I feel comfortable enough to try
to get back together, I dont even know if
we would have the energy. We were always
uncertain, there was always turmoil &
heartbreak. But when I look at the future
with the my boyfriend I know that we would
fit so well, and be perfect for each
other, but I cant help that my heart has
always burned so deeply for my x
husband..... I feel like every since I
was young I was meant to be with my x and
even now I cant imagine growing old with
anyone but him. Although I have the
perfect man currently I feel like I will
never belong to anyone but my x.
I cant stop thinking about the lyrics" you
cant always get what you want, but if you
try sometimes I think you'll find you get
what you need" does this make since to
anyone?
|
Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 11-30-06 09:02am
Just cause it makes sense it doesn't make
it right.....................If the shoe
were on the other
foot..................Some dude was keepin
you around cause you........Paid the
bills? And cause your nice and "i kindof
sortof love you.................But not
really?! How would that make you
feel?...............
.............Havin said that humans are
humans and we're all entitled to our share
of screwups.........................If
your still pining for the
ex..............Get your answer
now.................Cause this is one of
those "if onlys" you'll always wonder
about...............................I get
the feeling.................That ya got a
beautiful man................Right in
front of you....................And only
cause he's a sure thing and a "nice
guy"...........Maybe just maybe your
taking him for granted?!
|
apathyjunkie75
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Nov 2006 Posts: 8
You Make a Good Point Spirit! Posted: 11-30-06 09:38am
The current man, is having to deal with a
lot from me right now. We are very
upfront & honest about whats going on
with both of us. He tells me, we deserve
our chance, we deserve some hard work,
& we deserve something good. And I
really believe that. But I wonder if I
will ever truly be able to give myself to
him completely. I love my x husband and
do not believe I want to be back with him,
given our history..... This was a 20 year
head over heel love & I just don't
know how to stop loving him so much.
The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made.
Schizophreniahealth
This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
