This is my first post and I really hope
someone can give me helpful information,
so if anyone is willing to read I
appreciate it...
I havebeen with my boyfriend for a year
now. He is 20 and I am 22. Its a first
serious relationship for both of us.
We have always argued that is the way we
are. It wasnt until this past summer that
I saw the real him come out in a
fight...
I am going to say it I think he has a
problem with drinking and I have tried
talkin to him really, he knows its just he
doesnt think its a problem. Cuz he is 20
and 20 year olds like to have fun.
Fourth of july, the nite before actually,
I had gotten off from work at 9 and he was
wasted which made me mad because I wanted
to see him. So I was in a bad mood when I
got to his apartment. We went in his room
to talk and things blew up and he ended up
throwing his beer at the wall, causing a
hole, he threw the remote control past my
head and shattered that, and then he
stormed out I went after him and he pushed
me into the couch and ran out of the
apartment...Leaving me there with his
friends just sitting there.
He wouldnt answer my calls for two days
after that and got extremely wasted during
that time period.
We recovered from that but then last nite
happened...
I was again over at his apartment drinkin
with him and his friends, and we started
to argue bout something. He spilled my
drink so I wiped it up with a paper towel
and just threw it at him, not aiming for
any specific area, just happened to hit
his face....
He got up, grabbed my cup of pop, and
threw the pop in my face. Then took my
bottle of alcohol and poured it out in the
sink while screaming stupid f---in b---h
to me as I sat in his room crying. Then
he came in his room got his stuff and ran
out of the house and drove off. His
friends were there watching this, they
tried to calm him down but he wasnt having
it. So I left and went home...
I call my brother hysterical and so my
brother says he will call me back and then
my mom calls me and starts to tell me how
I am no better then any other woman who
gets hit by someone he is abusing me and
then I hear my brother in the background
talkin to myboyfriend on the phone.
My boyfriend was at a bar with his boss,
and I called him and he was yellin cuz my
brother called. Then he calls me back few
minutes later and tells me to come to the
bar beacuse he doesnt want to drink by
himself.
So then I stupidly, and yes iknow its
stupid, go to the bar to pick him up cuz I
didnt want him driving like that. The
whole way home he is callin me a b---h and
saying how my brother is stupid and callin
him names, then when I stuck up for my
brother he got even more mad.
Then when we got to his apartment he kept
going from being nice to an problem to me
so I went to sleep and this morning he
acted like it was all my fault. Kept
saying how he cant believe I threw a paper
towel in his face... Adn he doesnt even
think that throwing the pop in my face was
at all bad.,
my mom called me this mornign she is so
mad at me. She is dissappointed in me
because I am allowing a guy to treat me
like this. My grandma was beat by her
husband, my mom was in a verbally abusive
relationship and now I am in this one.
The thing is that he is only like this
when he is drunk... He wont admit to
having a problem and I think that if me
stopping drinking is what it takes then I
guess iwill I just dont know how to talk
to him bout this or what to do...
I do know from what he has told me that
his father used to come home wasted every
nite he was growin up, he'd find him
passed out and his mom and dad fought
about it. Iknow his dad has a drinkin
problem, and I know that he thinks its ok
and likes to brag about how much he drinks
*my boyfriend*
i cant leave him, I love him. I know its
what "every woman in this situation says"
but im for real... What do I do???
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Re: He Went Crazy On Me Posted: 12-01-06 09:47am
pennylane92
wrote:
i cant leave him, I love him. I know its
what "every woman in this situation says"
but im for real... What do I
do???
honestly. . . Leave.You have to.There
is nothing else for you to do.I just went
through the *exact* same thing a little
over 2 months ago.I said the same thing as
you "i love hima nd I can't leave him.".
Well that all ended when he hit me.He
tried to push me down the stairs and slam
me into the wall.He punched 3 holes in his
wall,slammed his head into the
frige,stabbed himself with a pitch
fork,tried to hit me with a vacuume
cleaner. . .Thats all I can thinkof
right now but theres much more to that,not
to mention the verbal abuse.He will *not*
stop.If he wanted to and if he loved you
he would...I got mad when people said this
sort of thing to me but you know what?I
realized t was the truth.If you stay with
him,your accepting his behavior and saying
its ok and it will *never* end, I promise
you.I was head strong and tried to help
him,tried to get him to go to
counceling,tried to get him to go to the
doctor,but he refused and said there was
nothing wrong with him.They are both
downers and you could do so much better
than that.You *deserve* better.You deserve
someone who treats you right and doesn't
call you naes of physically abuse you.
I'll even show you the bruise he gave me
on my leg from punching me.
that was taken about a week and a half
after hitting me.That bruise was bigger
than his fist and turned purple and blue.I
had it for over a month and even after it
faded away,it still hurt.Do you want that
for yourself?Do you want to be hit or
pushed?Hun,thats *not* love.Look at
yourself and look at the situation
here.It's not how it should be.I wish I
could make you see but onyl you can do
that for yourself.Don't call yourself
stupid either,because I know how you
feel.Good luck
|
babydance143
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Feb 2007 Posts: 24
Posted: 02-05-07 19:54pm
Wow,
i can say that your boyfriend needs help
because, he has a problem, anger and
drinking, that he needs help with before
he hurts you. I understand truly that you
love him, and sometimes love is blind, and
we dont see how much we are settling for
because we love so much. Your mom is only
trying to look out for your best interest,
I agree with ^^ you deserve the best, and
dont settle, your boyfriend needs to seek
counseling. Talk to him, and let him know
that he hurts you when he drinks and hit
you! You have to be ready to say thats
enough noone can tell you, thats enough
you have to be the one, to say enough! In
the mean time please be careful, and call
your mom, and explain to her, what
happened, and ask if advice as well so she
dont think your trying to nto respect her
experiences, and advice! Good luck.
Hugs
babydance143
|
Auzzie_Wanting_To_Help
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Feb 2007 Posts: 214 Location: Australia
Posted: 02-13-07 03:28am
Hey pennylane,
as much as you say you want help, I really
think you know the answer to what you need
to do but your just blinded by the fact
that you love him. Do you really want to
be in a relationship with someone that
doesnt love you back, he might say he
loves you but it is pretty easy to see by
the way that he acts that he isn't....As
the saying goes, actions speak louder than
words!
I really do hope that you realise that you
deserve to be treated better than you
currently are, my only frae is I hope that
by then its not too late.......
Feel free to message me if you like!
Love,
mel
|
change is good
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 112 Location: Mesa AZ.,
Posted: 02-14-07 00:16am
You need to break the cycle. It's in your
family. Please stop seeing this guy. He
won't get help and you''ll just be hurt in
the end. Think really hard and see if
this is how you want the rest of your life
to be. He is not going to change. Don't
wait. You may actually get hurt
physically. Now it's just emotionally but
that hurts too.
babydance143