Ending a Relationship Forum - Why Is It So Hard Too Understand?

3 weeks ago I seperated from my husband, he wont give me a divorce, so as far as im concerned me and him are done.

I was happy when it finally ended, thing is, he isnt completely out of my life yet, so im on an emotional roller coaster right now and I feel like I have lost control of a sitiuation I could have dealt with easily. It got to a point where I would ask him to back off when I was upset ,he wouldnt, he kept harrassing, then I just stopped talking to him, I was becoming very irritated with him cause he was being disrespectful. All of our converstaions turned into fights, the kids would start screaming and he still wouldnt back off so I would take the kids out, blow off some steam, then go back home. He has accused me of cheating but I have never cheated on him, even now the last thing im thinking about is screwing another guy. He started becoming verbally abusive, then I started putting more hours into work just to get away from him, he started telling me I couldnt hang out with my friends nor could I go out cause we had to go out as a family unit. I have been living in his house because I have nowhere to go and he knew that, hes been manipulating me and playing me like a marionette.

Last weekend he kicked me out, I eneded up in a hotel for two nights cause majority of my friends live with their parents (im 22), my family wont accept what is happening "divorce is for weakminded people." I offered 3 times to get marriage counselling, I asked him to seek someone for his anger problems as I had with mine but he kept refusing.

Now he wants me back cause he didnt think I would leave, he knew I didnt have a place to sleep but he didnt think I would be resourceful and use money I dont have. I have called multiple places for support and no one wants to help me because im not legally serperated (90days outside my home) or because we make too much money as a partnered income. Some other places actually went to the point of telling me they wont help till he physically abuses me and their is a police report what~!

I sleep on the couch, he sleeps in my bed but everyday he kisses me when our relationship is over, he keeps buying me flowers even though I told him I hate him and he wants me to stay with him even though I dont love him.

Honestly im really sick right now, I have been puking everyday from stress, im barely eating/sleeping, I dont feel like myself and I hate the guilt trips hes running on me. I dont know what to do anymore!!!!

He called me yesterday and said I had to attend his x-mas party at work, he was like the kids need us to be together, we have too many bill how can I pay them when your not here. His best one yet oh if you leave ill make sure you dont get anything/ill get full custody of the kids!

Please I really need somehelp, it seems every avenue I turn noone is there, I have very supportive friends who can help me out temporarily but im working and I need the money so I can get the hell out but its not enough!