Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
to Everyone & No-one Posted: 12-03-06 16:18pm
Ok lots of people have asked me recently -
"did you look at adoption?"
yes, i've looked at adoption.
Apart from the fact that a)we simply can
not afford to outlay 2 years salary in the
hop we "might" get short listed to be a
parent and b)we are not and will not be
married.
Marriage to me is joining in holy
matrimony and I refuse to pretend to join
someone's religion so that I might get
married in a religion I do not believe
in.
I do not believe in non holy marriages as
that is not a marriege - just a mere
contract.
That all aside I don't want to adopt.
That's it I don't want to.
I want a child that is mine, biologically
and in every way. If I can't have that -
then I will go without regardless of any
other factors.
I have at least one good working ovary, I
have a uterus. My issues may come at the
point of getting egg from ovary to uterus
but that is something no-one really knows
yet.
Time isn't an issue for me.
But it hurts me so bad when people keep
saying did you look at adoption.
It's hurtful and unthoughtful - I know
people don't mean it that way but it's
like going up to someone who has a wart or
a droopy eye and saying - "did you think
of plastic surgury" - it really hurts.
Too many kids in the uk that are for
adoption are so because they have serious
problems - i'm not ready for someone
else's problems.
I want to scream I am a woman and I have
the right to bear a pregnancy and hold a
child of my own.
I'm sorry if this offends anyone but i'm
really really hurting.
Sure a great many people have successful
adoptions - I am not one of them.
It takes a very special kind of person and
I am not one of them.
I want my own child and if that doesn't
happen with or without ivf then i'll go
without, but please try to understand the
hurt involved.
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AyaMiyaki
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 8246 Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
Thanks: 168
Thanked:14
Posted: 12-03-06 16:19pm
Poor .Kia
has your bleeding passed again? What did
your doc say?
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
Posted: 12-03-06 16:21pm
No, laura.
I finished my 21 days of progesterone and
now I have to allow at least 7 days of
bleeding before they will do anything
further.
So now I
wait......................................
................
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AyaMiyaki
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 8246 Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
Thanks: 168
Thanked:14
Posted: 12-03-06 16:23pm
Bleh, that's miserable.
You know we're here if you need to
talk/rant!
*hugs*
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
Posted: 12-03-06 16:35pm
Thank you
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8005 Location: Missouri, United States
Thanks: 2
Thanked:1
Posted: 12-03-06 16:43pm
We love you, kia.
I can't imagine what you're going through,
but please hold your head up, you
will get through this, and they'll
figure out what's wrong. I'll be praying
for you
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Guest
Posted: 12-03-06 16:51pm
Kia, you don't have to explain your
reasons for not wanting/considering
adoption to those people...That is
.Y.O.U.R choice and your business.
I know it hurts when you confide in people
about your fears, concerns and
disappointments, for them only to say
something like that. .... Did you look
at adoption?" its insensitive and cruel,
someone said that to me recently after my
ectopic and I heard the unsaid words
behind that statement. They might as
well did come out and say "you might as
well give up and try to get someone else's
kid, because you can't make your own"
these people need to realise that you are
not talking to them for them to give you a
"quick solution" to the problems you are
having.....All you want is support and a
listening ear.
And I agree with you, as long as you have
an ovary and a uterus it .I.S. Possible,
and I think as long as you stay strong and
don't give up it .W.I.L.L happen
and when you need to talk and vent and be
angry or depressed, you can just come here
and talk to us....We are all here for you
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foxy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 May 2006 Posts: 487 Location: Nassau, Bahamas
Posted: 12-03-06 16:52pm
That was me...For some reason I am not
staying logged on at home....Maybe because
i'm always logged on at work.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Kia_breizzze Posted: 12-03-06 18:42pm
I very much do apologize if it is what I
said. I did not say it to be cruel or
insensitive, that is just not me! You
just seem like such a super nice lady and
I wish you all the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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BREEZY
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2006 Posts: 48 Location: Toronto
/// Posted: 12-03-06 21:10pm
Its sad that your going through this. And
to a lot of people the whole adoption
thing it might seem rude or whatever if
someone asks you. But, I had to reply to
this because of the simple fact that a) my
mom had one ovary working and a uterus.
But stillllll lost about 5 kids. Everyone
is different..So you could very well
hopefully get pregnant. All im saying
is..My mom and dad then looked at adoption
after years of trying, and 10 days after I
was born I was placed in their arms. I
only found out I was adopted a couple
years ago..I never even knew the
difference. A lot of it had to do with
because im mixxed with black and white and
my adopted mom is white and my adopted dad
is black. But, even typing this reply to
you..It feels weird calling them my
"adopted" parents. Their all i've ever
known..I wasnt sick, or in need because of
all my problems, I was a healthy,
screaming, brand new baby. With a birth
mother who was 16 and, I guess just wasnt
ready. But I definetly see nothing wrong
with adoption whatsoever. My mom and dad
couldnt even picture themselves with their
"own" child, because iam their own child.
Just my opinion.
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jonah ann
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2006 Posts: 62 Location: philippines
Re: to Everyone & No-one Posted: 12-03-06 21:53pm
Donnt worry kia....We are always
here...Dont think that you offended
someone..Its just that evry womans
perception is different,the nice thing to
do is that you think of the things that
can make your health be more gooood....And
dont forget to pray.Prayers is the
strongest armor,god hav his own reasons
and plans on why are you suffering such
mess prob,but it doesnt mean that god dont
want you to have your own child.Stay
calm,and atleast dont think of bad
outcomes...Stay healthy...
love
lots,
jonah
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
Posted: 12-04-06 03:28am
Thanks ladies.
* breezy - if this offends i'm sorry but
to be honest I don't give a dman if it was
good for you and your parents. I'm sick
to death of hearing that crap ok - that's
what lead to this post in the first
place.
So please take your success stories to
someone who is interested because it's
that kind of insenstive bollocks that
hurts deep ok.
* sandy - I replied to your pm sweetie and
I know you would neve say anything to
cause hurt or pain, I have never seen you
be unkind or malicious ever.
Things just built up because I kept
getting people telling me either a) I
should adopt b)why didn't I adopt and it
just got too much.
Regardless of the financial and
situational circumstances it's not for
me.
i have no disrespect to those it worked
for, i've had some good friends who were
adopted and loved it.
I just am not one of those people. Call
me selfish disagree do what you like, but
either I will have a biological child of
my own or I won't have a child - that's
the simple bottom line.
Also many people who can have children of
their own choose to adopt - adoption isn't
something people do just because they
can't have children. Adoption is a life
choice - not a last resort. It takes a
special kind of person to adopt - very
special and quite honestly, by skills
aren't there. I need the whole pregnancy,
birth and breastfeeding thing. Call it
determination or plain stubbornness but
i've fallen short of the finish line and
i'll do my damnedest to cross that line.
It's a bit like saying to a fat person -
"did you look at dieting?" or saying to an
ugly person - "did you look at plastic
surgury?".
Like saying "oh you're not a complete
woman - you can't have kids - here borrow
someone elses".
It hurts deep deep deep.
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Becky
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 6224 Location: London, England
Thanks: 0
Thanked:7
Posted: 12-04-06 04:09am
Aw my poor kia darling. It makes me so
sad what you are going through. I
understand the need for a biological child
of your own. That's why I want to do the
gestational surrogacy so that a couple can
still have a biological child.
I know this is not much help to you
because you want to carry your child and
be pregnant and that is fair enough.
Pregnancy is a wonderful thing.
I just hope that you get your dream
sweetheart. You are a wonderful woman and
i'm sure you will make a great mum.
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 12-04-06 07:47am
Kia. . . . .I wuv you girl! It'll
happen! When you least expect it,it will
happen. I can see it. . .
