I have just turned 26 I have a good job
and I cant complain about my life. For
the most part it is pretty good. However
I feel a deep sadness and emptyness inside
me that at times I cant bare. I can feel
it coming and it feels like im being
pulled into this darkness. I hadnt cut in
4 years, its something I think about alot
but I managed to stop it. Yesterday I
couldnt though, all the same feelings came
and I was sick of pushing them away, I
thought if I just did it a couple times I
would feel better. I couldnt stop at one
I know where to do it that noone will ever
know. Like always though I felt guilty
the next morning but by night I was doing
more. I signed on here because I thought
maybe this would help to write it out. I
dont want to go back to this place.
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dead little me
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Sep 2006 Posts: 40
Erm..... Posted: 12-13-06 04:09am
Well I get what you mean about the
emptyness and the cutting seeing that I do
it.
Weldone for not doing it for four years I
managed six months lol.
Also I think that when you stop self
harming and tell your self that you are
not going to do it you want to do it more
which is why it is sooo hard not to.
I wne through a faze recently where I
self harmed but I said to myself it will
only be one little cut....... It ended up
being about 200 little cuts lol.
I dont know what to sadvise seeing that I
can stop either and keep doing it. I
always know that when I get sad I have the
blade to fall back on.
Do you know why you are feeling low????
Deep down inside I mean???? Cos some
times we put up this wall where we can
lose I selves in this like false world to
block out what we are really feeling.....I
do it lol.
If you want to you can pm me or email me
at deadgirlwalkin@hotmail.Co.Uk if you
want to talk.
I hope some thing is said helped and I am
sorry if it did not.
Xxxxxxx
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Poetry_Writter
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Dec 2006 Posts: 20 Location: Newtown,
Posted: 12-13-06 15:38pm
Hey...I'm 14 and i've been cutting for
about 2 years...I only do it every once in
a while...At first it started with my
finger nails then progressed to paper
clips, then safety pins(not so safe are
they), and now pocket knifes. This is my
first year in high school and I met my
savior. He is my best friend and shall
remain nameless...About a month ago I told
him about my cutting... He hasn't treated
me different since but hates that I do
it... This year I asked him what he
wanted for christmas and he told me that
he wanted me to stop...So this year for
christmas any time I get the feeling that
I want to do it I call him... Any time of
day or night he is there for me... I also
use the rubber band trick which really
does help... Most of the time it is just
my step parents and regular parents that
make me do it...But yea my bff is my angel
for heaven....I love him more than I have
ever loved anybody and I don't know what I
would do with out him because I haven't
cut in about 3 weeks...And although I have
not done it for some time I will always be
a cutter and I know that and I am okay
with that its just the fact that I now
know that someone cares enough about me
that they want me to stop...If anybody
else wants some one to talk to please know
that I am here to pm...I've gone through
it and still am and it will be a life lone
battle but I am willing to fight it and I
hope all of you are
to...Much...Love...P.S. Writing and
drawing when I get the urge helps to for
any of you artistic ones out there reading
this
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pumpkine0011
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Dec 2006 Posts: 135 Location: CO
Hi Posted: 12-13-06 15:44pm
Hey guys I have been through it all, and I
havent cut myself in a long time. But I
didnt just stop at cutting myself when I
got depressed years ago, I would do
everything to feel better. I have been
through very very traumatic stress and bad
things have happened to me alot. I have
been raped, molested, and done everything
just about. I even just found out that I
had another miscarriage yesterday after
trying sdo hard to do things right. You
guys dont have to be alone, and it does
get better, you just have to find a good
support system, that is the key to it all.
I have bipolar so I know exactly how you
guys feel. But cutting yourself and
whatever else you to to harm yourself isnt
going to get you anywhere, I should know I
have been there over a hundred times
before. Feel free to talk to me anytime I
am a good listner if you need some
support.
