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mimi88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 9
Location: USA
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Need Adivce
Posted: 12-31-06 18:49pm
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Hello, everyone.
I'm a new member here, just discovered
this site. I really need advice.
I didn't know I was pregnant until it's
been 7 weeks now. I'm scheduled for an
abortion in 2 days. You see i'm 26 years
old and have had 2 prior abortions and a
miscarriage. This time I was on birth
control and it happened regardless. I'm
not financially stable nor emotionally
ready to become a mother. I'm struggling
to finish school and maybe go on to
professional school after i'm done with my
bachelor. The father however wants me to
have the baby. I'm real confused.
My question to you is, is it dangerous if
I have a 3rd abortion? I'm real scared
that I may not be able to conceive when
i'll be ready.
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Carifairy
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Posted: 12-31-06 18:56pm
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I have had 3 abortions, and my body is
still ehalthy enough to carry a preganncy
to term.
As long as you did not have severe
infections(which is rare nowadays thanks
to safe and legal abortion) or
complications, you should easily be able
to get pregnant as soon as you are ready.
(as long as you do not persoanlly have any
health problems)
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mimi88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
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Location: USA
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Posted: 12-31-06 19:24pm
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Thanks for responding so fast. I just
need to convince my bf about my decision.
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Carifairy
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Posted: 12-31-06 20:25pm
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I think it easy for men to think about
having babies, after all, they are not the
ones who have to deal with their bodies
permanently changing. They also are not
ultimately the ones that take care of the
baby, as a mom you are primarily
responsible for all care and feedings.
I believe that men take to babies so
easily because they have the 'easy' job of
not doing as much as the woman does..
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mimi88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 9
Location: USA
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Posted: 01-01-07 17:45pm
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Thanks clairfairy. Do you have any
children now? And did you get pregnant 3
times from the same man? I guess i'm
trying to find a person who's been in
exactly my situation. I feel like i'm not
taking responsiblity for my actions and
feel like I should be punished for my
actions.
I once adviced a friend to have a baby at
21, I was 21 then too. I never thought I
would be put in the same situation. It
happened once, then twice, I didn't even
think twice, I decided on having an
abortion. But now even though i've
decided on having an abortion, I feel like
i'm doing something very wrong. Have you
felt the same way?
And also don't you think if a person isn't
100 percent sure that he/she is able to
provide for the child, then abortion is
the best solution?
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Lolly_Poppy
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Joined: 28 Nov 2006
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Posted: 01-02-07 00:01am
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I've had 2 abortions and also have 2 kids.
1st pregnancy was terminated, 2nd
pregnancy I kept the baby, 3rd pregnancy
was terminated and 4th pregnancy I also
kept the baby. I'm sure this won't effect
your fertility, im sure you will be just
perfect.
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Carifairy
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Posted: 01-02-07 00:31am
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I do not have children at this time.. I
am married, so they were all with the same
man =)
i believe that abortion is taking
responsibility for your actions, just as
adoption and parenting are, it just so
happens that some people do not agree with
abortion..
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mimi88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 9
Location: USA
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Posted: 01-02-07 13:13pm
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Thanks so much, you helped me sleep a
little easy last night. I have an
appointment tomorrow and decided on doing
the abortion pill instead of the surgical
procedure. However taking the pill seems
like i'm killing the fetus first and
carrying it around with me for at least
48hrs before getting it out with the
intravaginal pills. And the surgical
seems like someone is just taking away
your fetus and dumping it.
I guess there's no other easy way to do
this. I'm real scared this 3rd time.
Wish me luck!!
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Birch
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Posted: 01-02-07 19:39pm
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| mimi88
wrote: | thanks so much, you helped
me sleep a little easy last night. I
have an appointment tomorrow and decided
on doing the abortion pill instead of the
surgical procedure. However taking the
pill seems like i'm killing the fetus
first and carrying it around with me for
at least 48hrs before getting it out with
the intravaginal pills. And the surgical
seems like someone is just taking away
your fetus and dumping it.
I guess there's no other easy way to do
this. I'm real scared this 3rd time.
Wish me
luck!! |
hey mimi, I hope it goes well for you...I
am concerned about your boyfriend; I hope
he does not try to make you feel guilty or
bad.
Your language also belies some guilt that
may harbor inside you-please make
absolutely certain that you do not want to
be pregnant anymore before going through
with this. Did you handle the other
abortions well?
And I absolutely agree with .Carifairy;
abortion .I.S taking responsibility for
your actions. If you did nothing at all
and pretended this wasn't happening that
would be not taking responsibility.
I'm thinking of you!
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mimi88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 9
Location: USA
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Posted: 01-02-07 21:05pm
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Thanks birch. I felt so incredibly alone,
relieved and sad after the first one but
very much relieved after the second one.
But i've never felt so doubtful like this
before. I think it has to do mostly with
how old I am. I'm 26, and will be 27 in
about 2 months. If I were emotionally and
financially ready for this I wouldn't mind
having a baby at this point in my life.
But i'm not sure if I want to marry this
man i'm with. And dont have a good paying
job. My boyfriend does fairly well but
not enough to support myself and a baby
and pay all the bills for a year. Then
i'll have to go to school part time and by
the time I graduate i'll probably be 34
and if I decided on going to a 4 year
professional school , forget about it. By
the time I get myself together, i'll be in
my mid forties. Its a no win!
At this point in my life i'm more
concerned about if I can provide for this
child and if i'm ready to become a good
mother. And the answer is no, i'm not.
And thats why i'm making this decision. I
pray that when the time is right that i'll
be able to have children.
You're so right about my boyfriend, he
definetly is making me feel guilty. I'm
staying with my sister right now and he's
calling constantly trying to convince me
not to have an abortion.
My appointment is tomorrow morning and i'm
going by myself. He's made it clear that
he won't support me this time.
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Carifairy
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Posted: 01-02-07 22:51pm
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There are women having babies into their
forties.. If you are not menopausal then
you can become pregnant.
My mother had me in her forties, and I am
glad that I had a stable and financially
secure childhood. I did not worry about
if my new shoes of athsma medical bills
would 'ruin us', because they had the
money and health insurance to provide...
I think men really believe babies are
easy, mainly because they are no the ones
doing it 'all'.
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Kypros
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Sep 2006
Posts: 372
Location: Leicester
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Posted: 01-03-07 05:48am
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Yes, I can only back up what the others
said: abortion is taking responsibility for
your actions. You are pregnant, you don't
wish to be, so you are being responsible
by doing something about it.
I hope you are sure about aborting. It
sounds tougher than the previous times.
If you are totally sure this is what you
want, then go ahead with it. Your partner
cannot control your body, although it must
be very difficult for him too knowing he
wants this baby and is powerless in its
fate.
Hope you get through this well. Keep us
updated.
Kypros.
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diamondsz
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Posted: 01-03-07 12:59pm
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| carifairy
wrote: | there are women having
babies into their forties.. If you are
not menopausal then you can become
pregnant.
My mother had me in her forties, and I am
glad that I had a stable and financially
secure childhood. I did not worry about
if my new shoes of athsma medical bills
would 'ruin us', because they had the
money and health insurance to provide...
I think men really believe babies are
easy, mainly because they are no the ones
doing it
'all'. |
its true was carifiary says, men dont do
caca, I have 2 kids and he never helped me
until he was on parental. Im working
full time as is he and I still take care
of my kids, the only time he spends time
with them is when im not around.
When I refer to men im referring to the
majority~!
Woman are thr primary caregivers!
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mimi88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 9
Location: USA
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Posted: 01-03-07 13:26pm
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Hey everyone!
I went for my abortion this morning. I
cried, it was horrifying at first. Then
because of the atmosphere( the staff`were
a happy group ) I kinda calmed down. They
did the ultrasound and told me I was about
6 weeks. I then went to the counsellor's
office where she explained on how to take
the pill and gave me a tablet to take. It
was so hard for me to swallow that pill .
But I eventually did and suprisingly I
feel relief and no guilt. May be it will
hit later,i don't know.
I'll be taking the second set of pills
tomorrow evening and I guess thats when
the pregnancy will be aborted. I just
wanted everything to get back to normal
and have a kid when i'm ready not because
a condom tore.
I was told that there is a chance it will
not work and the event that that happens,
i'll have to do the surgical. I hope it
works.
Thanks you all for your support. It
really helps, and I still need you.
As for my boyfriend he's so mad at me, he
isn't speaking to me at this point. I had
to go alone for the procedure and didn't
have anyone to emotionally be there.
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jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004
Posts: 808
Location: Texas
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Posted: 01-03-07 14:07pm
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| mimi88
wrote: | hey everyone!
I went for my abortion this morning. I
cried, it was horrifying at first. Then
because of the atmosphere( the staff`were
a happy group ) I kinda calmed down.
They did the ultrasound and told me I was
about 6 weeks. I then went to the
counsellor's office where she explained on
how to take the pill and gave me a tablet
to take. It was so hard for me to
swallow that pill . But I eventually did
and suprisingly I feel relief and no
guilt. May be it will hit later,i don't
know. |
| Quote: | | as for my
boyfriend he's so mad at me, he isn't
speaking to me at this point. I had to
go alone for the procedure and didn't have
anyone to emotionally be
there. |
Peace and love,
jenn
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Carifairy
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Posted: 01-03-07 15:36pm
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When you take the next of pills, you will
have pretty intense cramping and some
nausea and vommiting.(if taken orally)
here are some things to help you get
through it.
Prop yourself up in a reclining position
and get comfortable. Use a heating pad,
this will help tremendously. Take your
painkillers beofre you are in pain.
You will gush blood, I know it may seem
scarily heavy at times, but just stay calm
and let the worst part pass. You will
bleed more than a surgical abortion, so do
not be upset if and when this happens.
I wanted to give you some honest advice so
you are well prepared !
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mimi88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 9
Location: USA
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Posted: 01-03-07 21:58pm
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Thanks clairfairy and jenn. After I got
home, I slept for about 5 hours and after
I woke up I felt real sick. Very tired,
weak and running a fever, do you know if
thats norml after taking the first tablet
at the doctors office? Or do I need to go
to the hospital?
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Carifairy
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Posted: 01-04-07 03:19am
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You could have a bug, and it just so
happened to creep up on you now.
Infection would happen after you took the
next set of pills, as they cause the
cervix to open.
Not the hospital, but call the clinic and
ask for advice. Sometimes they may tell
you to wait a day to start the 'expulsion
process".
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nightangel73
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Posted: 01-04-07 20:03pm
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| jenn_smithson
wrote: |
I felt only relief following my abortion
and relief is the only thing I have felt.
In fact, the only guilt that I felt was
because I thought I should
be feeling guilty. Isn't that weird?
To feel guilty because you don't feel
guilty? Anyway, I hope that your
feelings of relief last just as long as
mine have.
Peace and love,
jenn |
i wonder if you would cry if you loose a
child when you have one. Will you feel
the same relief?
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nightangel73
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Posted: 01-04-07 20:58pm
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| carifairy
wrote: | there are women having
babies into their forties.. If you are
not menopausal then you can become
pregnant.
My mother had me in her forties, and I am
glad that I had a stable and financially
secure childhood. I did not worry about
if my new shoes of athsma medical bills
would 'ruin us', because they had the
money and health insurance to provide...
I think men really believe babies are
easy, mainly because they are no the ones
doing it
'all'. |
carifairy it is not recomendable to have
babies at your forties. I'm 33 and will
be 34 this year and you better believe I
don't have the same energy and strenght
than when I was 25. Your body goes down
after 30. I had pains and aches I haven't
had before. Not to mention the gray hairs
that have begun to grow. I do hope it
doesn't go bad with my pregnancies after
35 as I will try to have babies next year.
I hope it's not true about the increased
risk for genetic disorders and I give
birth to healthy babies. I hope I have
the strenght to run after my babies all
day. Look if this gal is not financially
stable at 27 there is no really much hope
for her. By now she should be making
enough money to support a kid. She sure
is not going to make to grad school. She
will be well into her thirties by the time
she is done with a degree even if she
begins studying now. I don't want to
sound like a downer but if she ever wants
to have a child, she will have to realize
the baby might not be born with all
luxuries she had expected. Unless she
changes the bf and marries a rich guy  , that will sure do
it for her.
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