Joined: 05 Jan 2007 Posts: 11 Location: 4135 NORTHGATE BLVD.
Please Anyone Can Help Me Please Help! Thank You Posted: 01-05-07 05:56am
My story starts here, I have been married
to a man for over 2 years, the 1st year we
were together I left him after 3 months
because I was afraid of the commitment,
during that time he was sad, but soon
forgot me because his love for his
childhood neighbor had come back. I
realized I wanted him back without knowing
he had a thing for this girl. Everything
was going great till one day I found out
he was still talking to her, and to top it
off she had gotten married. Well he
stopped talking to her, but the damage was
done, I had lost all trust for him. Over
the next year and a half we had ups and
downs, and when i'm saying up and down I
mean heaven and hell type of thing. In my
heart I truly love this guy. I feel that
we are 1, but we always argue. I am
willing to change not trusting him, I also
have a problem I speak without thinking,
but he also makes me feel angry that he
doesn’t appreciate me. That is why I
give him hell. So when it comes time to
breakup I always find myself saying no I
don’t want to. He always decides that
it is best that we don’t breakup. This
time our fight blew up like crazy. He had
wanted to go out to a club and dance with
a bunch of girls while I sat at home being
a "good" girl. I listen and I work with
him and try to make sure he is happy, is
there anything wrong with me being upset
that he wants to do these things? He used
to tell me before that he was doing it and
now he doesn’t say a word, he tells me
he is going to play pool which is hard for
me to believe because he doesn’t answer
his phone. Should I ignore the fact that
he is disrespecting my wishes and let him
go and maybe he will get over going out to
these clubs and realize he is doing
something wrong, and maybe he will stop,
or should I continue on being stubborn and
telling him no not to go? Because we
really broke up this time, and that is our
only problem, I don’t want him doing
these things, what must I do to make
things better?
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darren95al
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jan 2007 Posts: 11 Location: 4135 NORTHGATE BLVD.
Please Anyone Can Help Me Please Help! Thank You Posted: 01-05-07 07:22am
Hi there,
i feel for your situation. I have been
with my girlfriend now for almost 6 years,
so believe me; I too know a thing or three
about arguments
hmm. I have a few things i'd like to say
to you. First of all, do not give your
husband "hell" for not appreciating you;
that just makes the problem worse.
Instead, as soon as he does something that
upsets or hurts you, tell it to him
straight: "it really hurts me that you
want to go out without me." then tell him
why: "it makes me feel like I am not
enough for you."
secondly, it is never ok for your partner
to ignore your wishes. Just make sure
that you have expressed your wishes in a
non-hostile way. Be honest, not angry.
Talk from the heart he has caused, not the
anger that this hurt brought you.
In my opinion, it is definitely not ok for
your partner to be going to clubs without
you. Hell, I wouldn't even go out and
play pool without my girlfriend! But,
hey. What it comes down to is this;
express your needs and desires in as
honest (i.E. Non-aggressive) manner as
possible. If your guy flagrantly
violates these honest needs, ask him why
he did so. I believe in second chances.
But if this is a tendency, if he is
simply not generous enough with his
emotional effort, I would lose him. To
my opinion you must read the book “ten
days to a good marriage” by Dr. Max
vogt nevada city, california, and somehow,
make him read the book too. Our
relation was very strained but we have
benefited meaningfully by reading the
book.
