Enough of Being Like This! Posted: 01-07-07 15:10pm
Hello, good evening.
Some of you may now me already from this
forum. Those are probably aware of my
problem with eating.
I'm going through a hard time and i'm
feeling very depressed. It's post-parties
time and I know i'm heavier. I'm 54 kgs
(116 pounds) now and I want to go lose
weight. Desperately. I'd like to lose 10
pounds at least - to go back to the weight
I was during summer.
I feel so damn fat, like a whale! I can't
face this, I want to be thinner and
lighter!
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Catt101
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 109 Location: ,
Posted: 01-07-07 17:47pm
I feel you soo much, I hate depression,
just a little while ago I was laughing soo
hard but I started to cry all of sudden
and my mood was ruined, I hope u reach ur
goal ur not a whale!
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Voodoocita Posted: 01-07-07 18:19pm
I bet you are not fat!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know
what it is like to be fat and depressed
and you know that anytime you need to talk
to someone I am here for you!!!!!!!!!!
Please do not end up like our dearly
beloved friend! You know that their is a
proper way to diet if you really need to
and you know that you can get the help
that you need, I bet even nurse .Kim will
help you, please don't develope those old
habits, I for one care about what happens
to good people like you and others!
Please don't forget me, I am here for
you!
Hugz!
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v00d00cita
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 724
Thanks: 0
Thanked:4
Posted: 01-08-07 06:16am
i just feel like i'm always eating, like
if i'm always having food
and i'm freaked out because of that,
because I feel out of control just because
I can't skip meals now like I used to!
i just want to lose some pounds, like 10
at least, to get back to that nice weight
I had
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Catt101
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 109 Location: ,
Posted: 01-08-07 11:06am
For me its pretty much the same I cant
pass up a meal, but my way when im feeling
totally fat I just try to get mad because
when im in a bad mood I find it really
easy for me to pass up a meal but do u
ever get that feeling when u dont eat ne
thing ur just going to throw up?, that
happened to me loads of time whenever I
never ate I would end up completely sick
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v00d00cita
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 724
Thanks: 0
Thanked:4
Posted: 01-08-07 13:55pm
Today I skipped lunch and I felt better.
Hope that tomorrow I manage to do the
same... I'm not throwing up, you can
rest... :$
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nursekim
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Jul 2006 Posts: 30 Location: maryland
Posted: 01-08-07 19:19pm
Hey if you ever need help with anything
anyone of you girls know where im at and
im always here for ya. So many people die
of eating disorders dont risk your life
just to be thin and the thing is your
probably skinny already and your
definitely not fat.
Im here <3 kim
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Catt101
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 109 Location: ,
Posted: 01-08-07 20:39pm
Ahh nursekim I wish I had someone like u
in my life right now my life is filled
with people who put me down, but I did
make it through the whole day of not
eating, I resisted(sp?) the temptation
from the smell of fast food and the sound
of it ahhh I feel soo much better that I
can pass up fast food, that is one thing I
want to do this year no more fast food or
junk food but damn it taste soooo good
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Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1407 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 57
Thanked:70
Hi Posted: 01-08-07 20:58pm
Catt, no one can put you down unless you
allow it. There are other things you can
"control" instead of food. How to take
what someone says to you is your choice.
Do not allow others to "put you down".
You and others know you are a wonderful
person. Fast foods don't have to be a
taboo. Make different food choices once
you get there example:....Mcdonalds has a
wonderful apples/grapes/walnuts and
yogart....Thats healthy and good for you.
Skipping meals is not good for your body.
Eating every three hours is good, it keeps
blood sugar in whack which can effect mood
swings...Depression.....Been there done
that, took almost 40 years, but I have
things in "control' now! You are young
and changing your diet and learning to
take control of your own feelings will
make you feel so much better about
yourself. The hell with what anyone else
thinks of you! We are here for you
girlfriend!
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Catt101
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 109 Location: ,
Posted: 01-08-07 23:10pm
I cant help but let it reach me, there are
just certain words that get through my
barrier and break down, I dont know how
many times I told my family not to use the
word fat around me, but they still do it,
yah its a joke to them but it just keeps
ringing in my head, but usually it doesnt
hit until I either eat or going to bed,
but yah about bed I cant sleep at all I
just cant get the thoughts out of my head
im tired of thinking about everything when
I go to bed(usually takes me about 3 hours
to fall asleep), its like my days plays
the horrible parts over and over again and
there is no pause button and I just lose
control but everything turns to be better
everytime im in the bath but to stop all
the sounds I usually take a bath and so
yah I end up going under the water for a
really time and everything goes blank and
I forget everything and just worry about
getting air, yah I know thats dangerous
but I cant control it, I feel like im
going totally insane, I hear things, so I
end up usually taking 2 baths and every
time I enter there everyone thinks im
throwing up but im not, the bathroom is my
only safe place where I can be me and get
rid of every thought, it even saves me
from going and hurting myself, I just dont
understand why words can just hurt me so
much
when it comes to fast food it just usally
has what I like, being from texas I just
love beef, I love hamburgers but to that
im very very picky, I dont eat fish or
bird(chicken, turkey, whatever other bird
people eat) im not big on lots of other
foods, we usually have fast food every
night I mean seriously, to where I dont
want to eat ne thing that my family makes
when a blue moon comes around where they
actually cook but I have developed where I
cant eat certain foods ne more due to
eating it too much, no more chips and
salsa
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v00d00cita
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 724
Thanks: 0
Thanked:4
Posted: 01-09-07 09:37am
catt101
wrote:
when it comes to fast food
it just usally has what I like, being from
texas I just love beef, I love hamburgers
but to that im very very picky, I dont eat
fish or bird(chicken, turkey, whatever
other bird people eat) im not big on lots
of other foods, we usually have fast food
every night I mean seriously, to where I
dont want to eat ne thing that my family
makes when a blue moon comes around where
they actually cook but I have developed
where I cant eat certain foods ne more due
to eating it too much, no more chips and
salsa
at least I can do pvery well without fast
food, because it maeks me so sick
But could that bath thing be a therapy?
Maybe it could be... Mauybe it's an
option for me to try. Today I had my
first exam of the season and an extra
class. The exam went well, but the
teacher is really demanding. Has any of
you hear of a book called "wasted"?
Somebody told me I should read it, but I
can't buy it on amazon, because I can't
use credit cards for that! :s and the
book is not sold here in portugal!
besides, I had breakfast today, but did
have lunch. I'm going to the downtown
again (because I went shopping with a boy
friend after my exam) with my sister in
about an hour. We'll walk, which is fine
and healthy. And later in the evening,
i've got the latin dance class! At least
that I won't miss
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Catt101
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 109 Location: ,
Posted: 01-09-07 16:18pm
Yesterday I didnt eat ne thing so today I
was hungry and decided to get mcdonalds
for me and my friend and then it was just
pretty much ruined when the guy next to me
was like wow theres enough calories for
acouple days, me inside head = I felt
like eating and someone I dont even know
can say something so mean to me, im really
starting to hate people, but yah I have
therapy starting thursday at 9 at night
which is weird because I didnt want it
that late, im kinda nervous and I dont
know if I can trust someone that I dont
know but I really wish that it can happen,
because I really need someone to talk to
and listen to me without judging me
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v00d00cita
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 724
Thanks: 0
Thanked:4
Posted: 01-10-07 05:15am
Hi, dear.
Yesterday, as I said, I skipped lunch and
had tea. But I skipped dinner - when I
have my dance class I always manage to do
this, because it starts at 9 o'clock in
the evening, which is when I genereally
have dinner at home.
Todaym I already had breakfast.
catt101
wrote:
yesterday I didnt eat ne
thing so today I was hungry and decided to
get mcdonalds for me and my friend and
then it was just pretty much ruined when
the guy next to me was like wow theres
enough calories for acouple days, me
inside head =
i know what you feel like, it's when I get
something to eat, then another things an
so on and people look me in that way... I
just pretend it's normal, but I feel
devastated inside... *hug*
as for therapy, I thig it's a good thing
you're doing it. I left it in
november/december; i'm decided after it
not to go back there... I'll try it this
way...
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Catt101
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 109 Location: ,
Posted: 01-10-07 18:13pm
Im not going to therapy to get better my
mother doesnt seem to understand it, but
yah I asked my mom to get cookies and she
was like no only healthy food, I was like
why and she was like u know damn well why,
I was just thinking to myself im pretty
sure I throw up junk food and healthy food
too, but tomorrows the big day im kinda
scared to see the therapist, its not a
session just a meeting and then we'll work
everything out but I dont want my mother
to be in the room while I talk
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v00d00cita
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 724
Thanks: 0
Thanked:4
Posted: 01-10-07 20:06pm
catt101
wrote:
tomorrows the big day im
kinda scared to see the therapist, its not
a session just a meeting and then we'll
work everything out but I dont want my
mother to be in the room while I
talk
it's gonna be already, really. If you
don't want your mother to be there, she
won't be and your therapist has to respect
the secrecy between you two.
Take that time the best you can and speak
whatever comes into your mind, just let
things flow - that's what I used to do,
and it helped a lot, because I would feel
so lighter after the session...
Good luck, i'm with you. Then tell me how
it was, ok? Kisses
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Catt101
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 109 Location: ,
Posted: 01-11-07 07:41am
Okay I will, I wont let my mom be in there
she is too just ummm weird about this
whole e.D. She thinks since she is
dealing with it with my older sister that
she can deal with it with me, hmm I dont
think sending money to my sister every mom
calling that dealing...But I guess she
doesnt want to make the same mistakes like
let them put me on pills
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v00d00cita
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 724
Thanks: 0
Thanked:4
Posted: 01-11-07 09:31am
Of course... Chill out, and do your best.
:*
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Catt101
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 109 Location: ,
Posted: 01-11-07 23:51pm
Okay I went there and it went okay, my
first empression of the lady was like hmmm
I dont know if me and her will be able to
get along and of course I was really
nervous but yah had to fill out a paper
and she had my mom go in first just to
talk about stuff but im not quite sure
what they talked about but then it was my
turn and she was like soo, me having no
clue what to talk about, she just asked
acouple questions and we got to talking
but everything I sad it felt like the put
it down and was saying that it was nothing
which made me want to cry, and I just kept
thinking omg I cant cry in here or im just
gonna look completely weak, and so yah I
toughened up and didnt cry, but both her
and my mom think this is to get better but
im not looking to get better really but
yah so im sitting there thinking im not
going to like this lady because when she
was guessing things about me she was
hitting them right on target and saying I
shouldnt care about those things and I
cant just not care about those things, ive
cared about my image and what think about
me for a long long time and I just cant
wake up one morning and be like okay I
dont care what someone says but yah after
not like her the first 20 minutes I got
kinda more comfortable with her and she
was like I dont want u to sit there and
just agree she was like like if u dont
agree or dont like something about what im
doing or wanna call me something mean then
fine do so, I want u to be honest with me
and thats where ive come to like her, but
she is pulling me out of school one day to
see if school is really my problem which I
believe school is one of my major factor
that makes me be self aware on how I look
and act, whew so yah that was my first
therapy session oh yah I didnt tell
her everything right away but she did say
I couldnt get addicted to advil which was
weird since I take them everyday and crave
them when ive already taken them I guess thats not
considered addiction?
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v00d00cita
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 724
Thanks: 0
Thanked:4
Posted: 01-12-07 05:35am
Hey
catt101
wrote:
I just kept thinking omg I
cant cry in here or im just gonna look
completely weak, and so yah I toughened up
and didnt cry, but both her and my mom
think this is to get better but im not
looking to get better
really
look, this is not true - if this is
therapy, you gotta show everything you
feel. Cry if you feel like crying and
yell if you feel like yelling. I'm so
regretful that I didn't do it like i'm
saying when I was on my therapy, because
then i'd come home more nervous than I was
when I entered the room... Besisdes, the
lady will understand, she's there ti help
you and to give you counselling and
support.
catt101
wrote:
ive cared about my image and
what think about me for a long long time
and I just cant wake up one morning and be
like okay I dont care what someone says
but yah after not like her the first 20
minutes I got kinda more comfortable with
her and she was like I dont want u to sit
there and just agree she was like like if
u dont agree or dont like something about
what im doing or wanna call me something
mean then fine do so, I want u to be
honest with
me
sure... It's so hard to trust someone you
don't really meet, you think you'll be
judged and you feel so uncomfortable, but
they're doctors, so what you tell them is
precious information and furthermore they
have to keep what goes between us and them
to themselves, they can't share it with
other people.
I should have told everything to my
psychiatrist, but I didn't. Maybe this is
the reason why the therapy failed... Much
likely...
And I guess no one gets out of an eating
disorder just from night to day, it takes
time. But it's hard to understand how
it's gonna happen, if we have worried
about those issues like image for so long
that it makes sense for us.
catt101
wrote:
oh yah I didnt tell her
everything right away but she did say I
couldnt get addicted to advil which was
weird since I take them everyday and crave
them when ive already taken them I guess thats not
considered
addiction?
maybe you're starting to get addict :s
really =x
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Catt101
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 109 Location: ,
Posted: 01-12-07 09:39am
Actually ive been on advil since 9th grade
but the amount has been reduced, it used
to be 8 a day but now its 4 a day, I dont
know its just not easy for me to trust
someone I dont even tell my best friend
everything because she knows bout my e.D.
And hates it and doesnt even want to here
it mentioned
ur not a whale!
