Joined: 05 Jan 2007 Posts: 11 Location: 4135 NORTHGATE BLVD.
He Unnecessary Yells At Me. Please Help! Posted: 01-08-07 06:42am
I have been married over a 1 1/2 year
now. We use to live with one another.
But we had to part ways. Now we started
seeing one another again. Our
relationship is great. Except for one
thing his anger. No he doesn't hit me.
But its just the way he yells at me. He
calls me a dumb health forum . He got mad
at me because I have made a friend and i'm
over there all the time. Even though he
has no reason to be jealous. I had
forgotten that he was coming over
yesterday. If I had remembered(which I
swear to god that I didn’t remember
discussing him coming over), which I was
at my friends house. He came over all mad
at me. There wasn't dinner ready or
anything. He yelled and yelled some more.
He even throws things. I have been in an
abusive relationship before this actions
scare me immensely. What upsets me the
most is he knows he has a problem and he
just doesn't do anything about it. I mean
I know that he is a thug. (he’s ghetto)
those types of people are real hard to
love. But I have managed to find me one
to love. I just don't know how someone
can treat you so bad and still say they
love you and want to marry you. I told
him to get anger management, take some
time alone do something. I just can't do
it anymore. This type of relationship is
so unhealthy. Sometimes I just figure he
will never be able to control it. He
normal will not break a promise. He is
pretty good about that. He is pretty good
about saying he’s not going to do
something and not do it. I just don't
want to live my life like this anymore and
i'm afraid its will just happen again.
Maybe I should just end it now.
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darren95al
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jan 2007 Posts: 11 Location: 4135 NORTHGATE BLVD.
He Unnecessary Yells At Me. Please Help! Posted: 01-09-07 00:52am
Hello,
that is a bad situation, by the sounds of
it. I feel for you. My advice to you
is simple; require him to receive anger
management. It sounds as though he
understands that yelling at you and
throwing things is no way to treat a
woman; appeal to his apparent rationality
on this matter. Tell him exactly how you
feel when he does these things to you, and
the turmoil that it causes in you.
Explain this and then require that he
attend anger management classes if he
wants to continue to see you. Explain
that this is your final effort to save
what could be a loving relationship.
There is a good book available to resolve
such problem. The book is “ten days
to a good marriage” by Dr. Max vogt
nevada city, california. You can have a
look at it edit it deals a lot about
behavioral science.
I know what it is like to have a temper; I
too have shouted at my girlfriend in the
past. Do not internalize this anger!
It has absolutely nothing to do with you
or your actions. When angry people (like
I can be) get mad it is our own fault.
We have to own it.
Be sensitive, but do not debase yourself.
Set a high standard for yourself. If he
refuses to reach that standard, I think
you should end the relationship.
Please, do not feel worthless. He is not
angry with you because you are a
disappointment, believe me. He is angry
because you represent something that he
feels he needs. You represent something
that, I would guess, he has never had.
When you, this person that he needs so
badly, even seems to move away from him
(by making friends, etc) he panics. Then
he gets angry. Be sensitive to this, but
do not coddle it. To heal a situation
like this, you both need to be willing to
work on it. If he is not willing, end
it.
I hope I was able to help somewhat, good
luck with your man.
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babydance143
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Feb 2007 Posts: 24
Posted: 02-05-07 23:14pm
Wow seems like you are dealing with a
handful! Sorry to hear that. I agree
that you need to talk to him about your
feelings, and stress to him that you were
in a bad spot before and afraid of being
that way again. I think that he has a
problem, and needs to seek help, and you
guys need to communicate better, listen to
one another, and ask is that what you
meant or what are you saying, ask those
questions. I agree that "guys" are very
hard to talk to, they think they know it
all, and there always right, but work on
it girl, and do what you feel is the right
thing! You know your husband if you feel
he is worth it, work it out! Good luck to
you.
Hugs.
Babydance143
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Auzzie_Wanting_To_Help
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Feb 2007 Posts: 214 Location: Australia
Posted: 02-12-07 06:28am
In my opinion, I believe that you should
tell him that due to him realising he has
a problem, that he needs to get therapy
for it before you can consider being with
him. Girl, its not worth wasting your
life feeling scared and not knowing the
next time hes going to "flip out".
I really hope that things have gotten
better, let us know how you are!!
Love,
.Mel
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change is good
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 112 Location: Mesa AZ.,
Posted: 02-14-07 00:07am
Take it from a reforming abuser. If he
knows he has a problem and hasn't gotten
help yet he's not going to. Get out now
before you get sucked in anymore. Nobody
desreves to be treated that way especially
by someone who"loves" you.
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RedDelight
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2006 Posts: 131 Location: I'm a Yettie!
Re: He Unnecessary Yells At Me. Please Help! Posted: 02-22-07 15:47pm
"maybe" you should end it now??
Like now!!! Pronto!! No one... and I
repeat noone.. should *ever* be treated in
such a way!!!! Trust me.. I know what you
are going though. He doesn't hit you
now... but throwing things, and ranting
like a raving fool- that would only be the
next step. You really want to wait around
and see if he does?
That is insane of him to be so frickin'
selfish- you can't have friends? I bet he
belittles you too, trying to mask it by
turning it into a joke- when in all
actuality- he means what he says. Makes
you question every thought or idea that
comes into your mind, huh? Verbal
abuse... is just as bad as physically.
You shouldn't have to worry if dinner is
on the table.. he's a grown man- once in
awhile he should be able to fend for
himself.
You are trying to rescue a mutt that
cannot be. It will be hard- and scary.
You've got to get out. Go back to your
familie's house- to a friends house-blot
and don't look back. You are you-- you do
not have to take this .B.S...period!
Sounds very controlling to me...and I've
realized.. you cannot save everyone all
the time. Some people cannot be saved.
And what about you? Do you dread him
coming home? I did... and I've had too.
He was trying to control and fit me into
his lifestyle. 3 months in.. it was like
lockdown. Ironically- when I signed a 1
yr lease with him for an apartment-
literally right after I signed- that is
what he said- "I've got you in lockdown
now!" I thought he was kidding!!!
If he hasn;t done anything... you think
he's ever going to? If he truely valued
you.. he would have- at least for himself
if anyone! I'm glad you recongize it is
an unhealthy relationship...you've done
all you could have done--- muster up and
get out.
You can leave- it is better- and will be
even more. The sun will start to shine a
bit more.. we are all here to talk to you
You came on here
for a reason. To make sure, this was
abnormal.. it is. It's wrong, and unfair.
Like I've told Melissa- He needs his
b@lls taped to his face- then punch him
You are entitled to your feelings. Get
out!
-=Reds=- ps feel free to pm
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change is good
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 112 Location: Mesa AZ.,
Posted: 02-23-07 12:42pm
i agree with missdepressed - we all know
what we are talking about. please get out.
verbal abuse can lead to physical abuse.
you need validation and will never get it
from him. you are an individual not
someone created in his mind. i know it
hurts but please leave before you are
really hurt. we are here for you and it
may hurt at first but you should be the
most important person in your life. you
certainly are not in his.
you can pm me anytime if you'd like. i
don't have all the answers but i have been
where he is.
I know what you
are going though. He doesn't hit you
now... but throwing things, and ranting
like a raving fool- that would only be the
next step. You really want to wait around
and see if he does?
