Joined: 05 Jan 2007 Posts: 11 Location: 4135 NORTHGATE BLVD.
Advice On Lost Love And Feelings? Posted: 01-22-07 05:17am
So my wife asked me to move out as few
weeks ago, which I did. She said she
needed some space and time because she has
lost feelings for me. We have had a rocky
relationship (2 years married dated 3
years) we get is some heated arguments
about incidents in the past that for some
reason we have not been able to let go of.
There has been time in the past where I
wanted to give up, but I know we haven’t
taken the proper steps to resolve our
issues.
Well she decided she wanted to work things
out so we are starting counseling. I am
sleeping in the office and trying to give
her the space she needs. But haven’t
been doing so well. She tells me she out
of love with me and has no feelings for
me. She says she should be feeling
something when I hug her or kiss her on
the cheeks, but she doesn’t. The Dr.
Believes she has a wall up and we just
need to get it down. However my wife does
not believe she has a wall up. But
anytime I go to hug or kiss her, she
tenses up like i’m a stranger. Like she
is not even allowing herself to feel.
So I guess here’s my question.. What
can I do (other than giving her space) to
deposit into her love bank without putting
pressure on her. I know many people have
been in my shoes so I am hoping I can get
some ideas or advice. Thanks and sorry
for the book.
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isabella_7w7
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jan 2007 Posts: 11 Location: 4135 NORTHGATE BLVD.
Advice On Lost Love And Feelings? Posted: 01-22-07 10:02am
Hi,
i hope someone answers you soon with some
advice. I was in the same boat pretty
much. She first told me she doesn't love
me anymore about 3 weeks ago and we
couldn't really talk about anything at the
time. Now 3 weeks later and I left town
once to give her space and she tracked me
down. Why would she do that if she didn't
miss me or love me? And always I get lots
of conflicting messages from her but she
still comes to the conclusion that she
doesn't love me anymore. Finally, I
decided to go for much talked about new
concept of marriage counseling by Dr.
Max vogt ph.D. In psychology expert
couples counselor. I think it’s worth.
We rebuilt our relation and now we are
pulling on well. I suggest you to try the
same.
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DPantelones
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 141 Location: ,
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
Posted: 01-22-07 18:37pm
I think if you give her space, quit with
the hugging and kissing (those actions are
just you trying to get what you want, and
this throws up a defense with her), she
may come around. Show her the happy you,
the "you" that she fell in love with, not
a desperate and needy (read as "selfish")
whiner. I'm not bashing you, just trying
to help you see that maybe it will work if
you back off. If she complains about you
or your actions, agree with her but don't
reassure her of your intentions to
"change". Never kiss her ass, just be
supportive and respond to anything she
says with affirmation...Agree with her no
matter what, even if it is untrue or hurts
your pride. You'll see i'm right! It's
working for me as we speak. Seriously!
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Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
Posted: 01-23-07 16:26pm
I understand you pain and know this is
super hard. I have been in your wifes
place before. Over the course of a
relationship things can go sour, people
can change and feelings can change. The
hardest part in a relatinship is to talk
about your feelings...All of your
feelings. If she has had it in her head
that she is losing feelings for you each
fight you have, each "bad" thing that
happens are going to reasure her feeling
of loss. Another thing that most people
cant look at while in a relationship is
time apart. Time can do wonders and will
really make you look at whats going on.
Time alone will reasure you of yourself
and remind you of who you are and what you
want...Time will do the same for her.
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babydance143
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Feb 2007 Posts: 24
Posted: 02-04-07 21:48pm
Hello,
sorry your experiencing a hard time in
yoru marriage! I would say that time can
only tell, just give her the space that
shes asking of you! She will come around,
yes its hard! But you will get through
it. Good luck.
