the Other Side of the Story Posted: 01-23-07 06:48am
Can you guys give me reasons why the guy
should be told about the
pregnancy/abortion?
I had an abortion while he and I were
still together and I was going to tell him
after I had it done. However, in the
midst of all the fighting right before we
broke up, I didn't manage to do so.
Now that we're no longer together, i'm
wondering if I should still tell him?
Would a guy want to know if he had gotten
a girl pregnant in the past?
Re: the Other Side of the Story Posted: 01-23-07 12:44pm
blue_snafu
wrote:
can you guys give me reasons
why the guy should be told about the
pregnancy/abortion?
I had an abortion while he and I were
still together and I was going to tell him
after I had it done. However, in the
midst of all the fighting right before we
broke up, I didn't manage to do so.
Now that we're no longer together, i'm
wondering if I should still tell him?
Would a guy want to know if he had gotten
a girl pregnant in the
past?
it is a very interesting story, but yes, I
personally believe that a man has a right
to know, however it is the woman's choice
at the end of the day if she tells him.
My aunt had an abortion after (i think) a
short relationship, and she would often
see him when she went out on a
friday/saturday night with her friends.
He used to stare at her a lot while she
was dancing and eventually she went up to
him and told him to stop it. Anyway, he
would still continue to do so in the weeks
later and she approached him and said she
had something to tell him. He knew
immediately that it concerned him by the
look on her face/tone of her voice as only
a couple of years before he discovered he
had a teenage daughter he never knew he
had, and she told him outright that she
had been pregnant with his child and had
the pregnancy terminated, because (jn her
words) "at the end of the day he had a
right to know".
That's just her story. Everybody has
different experiences. If you are in a
bad relationship or do not feel you can
tell your partner you've aborted whilst
you're still in the relationship, that's
fine, but i'd like to think that they find
out someday (be it when you feel you can
tell him, after you've split up, or when
you're on better terms). As I read, you
are no longer with the man who impregnated
you, and it has been playing on your mind
whether or not to tell him you were
pregnant. You yourself need to consider
his feelings, how he would possibly react
(if you have a clue), if his right to know
is stronger than your right to keep it
secret, and if you're on better terms than
when you were together. Would you rather
he know what happened than you hide it
from him?
Kypros.
|
Meandering Away
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jul 2005 Posts: 535
Re: the Other Side of the Story Posted: 01-23-07 13:26pm
blue_snafu
wrote:
can you guys give me reasons
why the guy should be told about the
pregnancy/abortion?
I had an abortion while he and I were
still together and I was going to tell him
after I had it done. However, in the
midst of all the fighting right before we
broke up, I didn't manage to do so.
Now that we're no longer together, i'm
wondering if I should still tell him?
Would a guy want to know if he had gotten
a girl pregnant in the
past?
in my opinion you should tell him as quick
as you would be asking for child support
if you kept it.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12984
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Re: the Other Side of the Story Posted: 01-23-07 14:21pm
cowboys
wrote:
blue_snafu
wrote:
can you guys give me reasons
why the guy should be told about the
pregnancy/abortion?
I had an abortion while he and I were
still together and I was going to tell him
after I had it done. However, in the
midst of all the fighting right before we
broke up, I didn't manage to do so.
Now that we're no longer together, i'm
wondering if I should still tell him?
Would a guy want to know if he had gotten
a girl pregnant in the
past?
in my opinion you should tell him as quick
as you would be asking for child support
if you kept
it.
how do you know she would?
These next few paragraphs are really
hypothetical for me, since i'm pro-choice
and depending on the situation, I may have
aborted just as she did.
I don't think I would ask for child
support unless the pregnancy was caused by
him raping me, or forcing me to have
unprotected sex through some other means,
and then he had tried to make me abort and
left because I wouldn't, or left me just
because I was pregnant and wanted to keep
it, and he wanted nothing to do with it.
In those cases, I would ask for child
support.
If the pregnancy was an accident, and we'd
just broken up on good terms for reasons
not related to the pregnancy, i'd tell him
about it, (this is again assuming i'd keep
the baby which I don't think I would
anyway) and we'd talk it over, since we'd
still be on good terms and friends. I
think i'd tell him bout the child if we
broke up badly too, but since the
pregnancy was an accident I honestly
cannot hold the man responsible in that
case.
When no precautions were taken even though
the woman wanted to take precautions, then
the man is responsible. When precautions
are taken and an accident happens, then
honestly neither of them are responsible
in a simple sense, since an accident is no
one's fault - but it is unfortunately up
to the mother to make a choice, since it
is her body.
If neither of them took precautions and
neither of them wanted to take
precautions... Then I actually don't
think the man should have to pay child
support there, either... I'm not entirely
sure why I feel that way, because part of
me says that they should have to get
married or something for their
carelessness, but I just don't know... I
guess my mind is thinking of two different
cases here. I'm first thinking of the
girl in .Saved who had sex with her
boyfriend, but they were both so young and
uninformed that you really can't blame
them. She kept the child because it was
not her way to abort. In that case, I
don't feel it would be right to force the
boy to pay child support. In a different
case, it is two consenting adults who know
exactly what is going to happen if they
have unprotected sex. In that case, the
man should have to pay child
support. Yet these two cases are, on the
surface, identical... Two people having
unprotected sex, and neither of them even
tried to use protection. So it's
difficult.
I feel the man should be informed of a
birth - if the mother and he are on good
enough terms for that - in either case
(protected or unprotected), since it is
his child, whether or not he choses to be
a father. If the woman and man are on bad
terms, well then, it comes down to whether
the woman is comfortable talking to him.
That's all in the case of birth. In the
case of abortion, I think it is once again
up to the woman and how comforable she is
talking with the man. If they are still
friends, she may feel it is the right
thing to do. If they are not, she may
feel better never letting him know; she
may feel he has no right to know.
Oh, by the way... This entire post is, of
course...
.Just .My .Opinion. I just have to stick
that in there, otherwise certain people
will think i'm talking fact, or that I
think my feelings should be applied to
everyone.
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2764 Location: ,
Thanks: 19
Thanked:18
Posted: 01-24-07 20:29pm
What do yu think his reaction will be? Do
you think he will get upset? Do you think
he will think lower of your for what you
did? I think that if you are not going to
ever see this guy again you might as well
not tell him. He aint comming back to
you, so this will only upset him more.
However if you feel you would like to
teach him a lesson for what can happen for
not using protection so that he doesn't go
and impregnate others then would be a good
idea to tell him. That's my opinion.
|
blue_snafu
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Aug 2006 Posts: 8
Posted: 01-25-07 12:01pm
Hey, thanks for all the replies. It's all
very much appreciated.
So...I told him. And he was so supportive
and it went so well that it's making me
wonder why I didn't tell him earlier.
I wish the topic of abortion didn't make
us so afraid and doubtful.
I also asked him if he thought men have a
right to know if the woman he impregnates
has an abortion. He only said that he has
a preference for knowing/being told.
Now that I think about it, maybe i/we
should have more respect for the men's
right to know. After all, it took two to
create the situation that led to the
abortion...
|
jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 01-25-07 14:31pm
blue_snafu
wrote:
hey, thanks for all the
replies. It's all very much
appreciated.
So...I told him. And he was so
supportive and it went so well that it's
making me wonder why I didn't tell him
earlier.
I wish the topic of abortion didn't make
us so afraid and doubtful.
I also asked him if he thought men have a
right to know if the woman he impregnates
has an abortion. He only said that he
has a preference for knowing/being told.
Now that I think about it, maybe i/we
should have more respect for the men's
right to know. After all, it took two to
create the situation that led to the
abortion...
the majority of women who
obtain an abortion do inform or bring
their partners with them. If a woman
doesn't tell her partner, she usually has
a very good reason for doing so. Perhaps
men and women should have more respect for
eachother and keep them informed but this
is .N.O.T something that you can legislate
or require. Many .Women who do not tell
their partner come from abusive situations
where telling their partner would mean
suffering more violence. Out of respect
for .Women who are the only experts of
their situations, it has to be information
voluntarily given.
|
jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 01-25-07 14:34pm
nightangel73
wrote:
he aint comming back to you,
so this will only upset him
more.
why would it be
upsetting? I rather think that receiving
a child support summons would be more
upsetting than hearing that your
exgirlfriend had an abortion. (and I do
know two men who would agree with me on
that one).
Quote:
however if you
feel you would like to teach him a lesson
for what can happen for not using
protection so that he doesn't go and
impregnate others then would be a good
idea to tell him. That's my
opinion.
so, pregnancy is a
teaching device, an engine of punishment,
.A.N.D a gift?! Wow.
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2764 Location: ,
Thanks: 19
Thanked:18
Posted: 01-25-07 20:13pm
jenn_smithson
wrote:
why would it be upsetting?
I rather think that receiving a child
support summons would be more upsetting
than hearing that your exgirlfriend had an
abortion. (and I do know two men who
would agree with me on that one).
yeah, depends on the morals that you have.
If the man has no morals like you then
yeah I would bet that he would rather hear
of an abortion. But if the man is against
abortion he would be upset.
jenn_smithson
wrote:
so, pregnancy is a teaching device, an
engine of punishment, .A.N.D a gift?!
Wow.
yup, isn't that amazing? Like looking at
you when they told you that you were
pregnant you were upset and wanted the
baby dead, you didn't thought it was gift
but something worthy of death, yet when
you finally get pregnant when you want to
have baby the news of the pregnancy will
be something amazing, a gift. Now to that
I do have to say .W.O.W.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12984
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-25-07 22:31pm
nightangel73
wrote:
yeah, depends on the morals
that you have. If the man has no
morals like you then yeah I would
bet that he would rather hear of an
abortion. But if the man is against
abortion he would be
upset.
you're lucky this isn't on the abortion
support forum. It is accusatory and
innapropriate.
Quote:
yup, isn't that
amazing? Like looking at you when they
told you that you were pregnant you were
upset and wanted the baby dead, you didn't
thought it was gift but something worthy
of death, yet when you finally get
pregnant when you want to have baby the
news of the pregnancy will be something
amazing, a gift. Now to that I do have
to say
.W.O.W.
this needs to be removed for abuse. It
attempts to impose useless guilt upon a
woman who had no problem with her choice.
It is callous towards jenn, and totally
ignores the feelings of women who read
this forum.
It needs to be removed, now. Personal
attacks are juvenile, and I do honestly
try to avoid them. No, i'm not perfect.
But I try a lot harder than some people
here.
|
Meandering Away
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jul 2005 Posts: 535
Posted: 01-26-07 06:01am
eiri
wrote:
nightangel73
wrote:
yeah, depends on the morals
that you have. If the man has no
morals like you then yeah I would
bet that he would rather hear of an
abortion. But if the man is against
abortion he would be
upset.
eiri
wrote:
you're lucky this isn't on
the abortion support forum. It is
accusatory and
innapropriate.
Quote:
yup, isn't that
amazing? Like looking at you when they
told you that you were pregnant you were
upset and wanted the baby dead, you didn't
thought it was gift but something worthy
of death, yet when you finally get
pregnant when you want to have baby the
news of the pregnancy will be something
amazing, a gift. Now to that I do have
to say
.W.O.W.
this needs to be removed for abuse. It
attempts to impose useless guilt upon a
woman who had no problem with her choice.
It is callous towards jenn, and totally
ignores the feelings of women who read
this forum.
It needs to be removed, now. Personal
attacks are juvenile, and I do honestly
try to avoid them. No, i'm not perfect.
But I try a lot harder than some people
here.
get over yourself eiri you are always
attacking people even to the point when
there are no pro lifers left you attack a
pro choicer, I see nothing wrong in this
post or at least the second part that
warrants this childish outburst, she made
her point and explained to the sarcastic
remark made by jenn [ no need for that but
you keep quiet, wonder why ] and used
words she has always used or are you the
vocabulary police now has everything got
to be done your way or you have an hissy
fit.You have no power on here, you are a
mod on one forum only [ ever wondered why
lewis wont let you mod other parts eh ]
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2764 Location: ,
Thanks: 19
Thanked:18
Posted: 01-26-07 06:59am
eiri
wrote:
this needs to be removed for abuse. It
attempts to impose useless guilt upon a
woman who had no problem with her choice.
It is callous towards jenn, and totally
ignores the feelings of women who read
this forum.
eiri I don't attempt to impose any guilt.
Jenn would never feel any guilt we all
know that, so what I wrote was to make my
point.
|
Cambion
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Nov 2005 Posts: 747
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-26-07 09:49am
It's your choice whether or not you want
to tell him. You're broken up, so it
would have no impact on your relationship.
Why would he need to know anyway? Also,
some guys would probably only want to know
they impregnated a girl if she gave birth
to the child and kept it. After they get
roped into paying child support, they
might be wishing they didn't know about
said child.
|
Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 4159 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 159
Thanked:16
Re: the Other Side of the Story Posted: 01-26-07 14:31pm
blue_snafu
wrote:
can you guys give me reasons
why the guy should be told about the
pregnancy/abortion?
I had an abortion while he and I were
still together and I was going to tell him
after I had it done. However, in the
midst of all the fighting right before we
broke up, I didn't manage to do so.
Now that we're no longer together, i'm
wondering if I should still tell him?
Would a guy want to know if he had gotten
a girl pregnant in the
past?
another aspect of this that no one has
brought up yet is that if you happen to
have had a bad breakup, he could use this
information against you, since abortion is
highly stigmatized. The situation could
get highly emotional and have terrible
consequences for you.
I am glad that for you, blue snafu, things
turned out okay.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12984
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-26-07 16:31pm
cowboys
wrote:
eiri
wrote:
nightangel73
wrote:
yeah, depends on the morals
that you have. If the man has no
morals like you then yeah I would
bet that he would rather hear of an
abortion. But if the man is against
abortion he would be
upset.
eiri
wrote:
you're lucky this isn't on
the abortion support forum. It is
accusatory and
innapropriate.
Quote:
yup, isn't that
amazing? Like looking at you when
they told you that you were pregnant you
were upset and wanted the baby dead, you
didn't thought it was gift but something
worthy of death, yet when you finally get
pregnant when you want to have baby the
news of the pregnancy will be something
amazing, a gift. Now to that I do
have to say
.W.O.W.
this needs to be removed for abuse.
It attempts to impose useless guilt upon a
woman who had no problem with her choice.
It is callous towards jenn, and
totally ignores the feelings of women who
read this forum.
It needs to be removed, now. Personal
attacks are juvenile, and I do honestly
try to avoid them. No, i'm not
perfect. But I try a lot harder than
some people
here.
get over yourself eiri you are always
attacking people even to the point when
there are no pro lifers left you attack a
pro choicer,
who? Jenn? Only after she did
it first. bhaha? Everyone attacks
her.
Quote:
i see nothing
wrong in this post or at least the second
part that warrants this childish outburst,
she made her point and explained to the
sarcastic remark made by jenn [ no need
for that but you keep quiet, wonder why ]
you find it appropriate for her to have
said that the woman who aborted has no
morals?
You find it appropriate for her to tell
jenn she is wrong for having been relieved
about how her unwanted pregnancy ended?
You find it appropriate for such things to
be said directly to these women? These
comments are not logical debates against
abortion, they are just insults, plain and
simple.
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2764 Location: ,
Thanks: 19
Thanked:18
Posted: 01-26-07 21:08pm
eiri
wrote:
cowboys
wrote:
eiri
wrote:
nightangel73
wrote:
yeah, depends on the morals
that you have. If the man has no
morals like you then yeah I would
bet that he would rather hear of an
abortion. But if the man is against
abortion he would be
upset.
eiri
wrote:
you're lucky this isn't on
the abortion support forum. It is
accusatory and
innapropriate.
Quote:
yup, isn't that
amazing? Like looking at you when
they told you that you were pregnant you
were upset and wanted the baby dead, you
didn't thought it was gift but something
worthy of death, yet when you finally get
pregnant when you want to have baby the
news of the pregnancy will be something
amazing, a gift. Now to that I do
have to say
.W.O.W.
this needs to be removed for abuse.
It attempts to impose useless guilt upon a
woman who had no problem with her choice.
It is callous towards jenn, and
totally ignores the feelings of women who
read this forum.
It needs to be removed, now. Personal
attacks are juvenile, and I do honestly
try to avoid them. No, i'm not
perfect. But I try a lot harder than
some people
here.
get over yourself eiri you are always
attacking people even to the point when
there are no pro lifers left you attack a
pro choicer,
who? Jenn? Only after she did
it first. bhaha? Everyone
attacks her.
Quote:
i see nothing
wrong in this post or at least the second
part that warrants this childish outburst,
she made her point and explained to the
sarcastic remark made by jenn [ no need
for that but you keep quiet, wonder why ]
you find it appropriate for her to have
said that the woman who aborted has no
morals?
You find it appropriate for her to tell
jenn she is wrong for having been relieved
about how her unwanted pregnancy ended?
You find it appropriate for such things to
be said directly to these women? These
comments are not logical debates against
abortion, they are just insults, plain and
simple.
eiri you are wrong (like usual)
now first I didn't said that all women who
have abortions had no morals. I'm
refering to jenn only in the sentence.
Learn to read.
Second I didn't said neither that jenn is
wrong for having been happy about her
abortion. I'm just making an observation
on what she thought of her pregnancy when
she had the abortion.
And last if you get easily offended for
what people say here, then don't come here
and post. Simple.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12984
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-27-07 13:23pm
nightangel73
wrote:
eiri
wrote:
cowboys
wrote:
eiri
wrote:
nightangel73
wrote:
yeah, depends on the morals
that you have. If the man has
no morals like you then
yeah I would bet that he would rather hear
of an abortion. But if the man is
against abortion he would be
upset.
eiri
wrote:
you're lucky this isn't on
the abortion support forum. It is
accusatory and
innapropriate.
Quote:
yup, isn't that
amazing? Like looking at you when
they told you that you were pregnant you
were upset and wanted the baby dead, you
didn't thought it was gift but something
worthy of death, yet when you finally get
pregnant when you want to have baby the
news of the pregnancy will be something
amazing, a gift. Now to that I do
have to say
.W.O.W.
this needs to be removed for abuse.
It attempts to impose useless guilt upon a
woman who had no problem with her choice.
It is callous towards jenn, and
totally ignores the feelings of women who
read this forum.
It needs to be removed, now.
Personal attacks are juvenile, and I do
honestly try to avoid them. No, i'm
not perfect. But I try a lot harder
than some people
here.
get over yourself eiri you are always
attacking people even to the point when
there are no pro lifers left you attack a
pro choicer,
who? Jenn? Only after she did
it first. bhaha? Everyone
attacks her.
Quote:
i see nothing
wrong in this post or at least the second
part that warrants this childish outburst,
she made her point and explained to the
sarcastic remark made by jenn [ no need
for that but you keep quiet, wonder why ]
you find it appropriate for her to have
said that the woman who aborted has no
morals?
You find it appropriate for her to tell
jenn she is wrong for having been relieved
about how her unwanted pregnancy ended?
You find it appropriate for such things to
be said directly to these women? These
comments are not logical debates against
abortion, they are just insults, plain and
simple.
eiri you are wrong (like
usual)
no, i'm not.
Quote:
now first I
didn't said that all women who have
abortions had no morals. I'm refering to
jenn only in the sentence. Learn to
read.
so you're allowed to do it because you
only said that this woman had no morals?
Actually, you were talking to the woman
who didn't know if she wanted to tell her
ex about her abortion. You told her that
if her boyfriend had no morals just like
her then he wouldn't care.
You think you have the right to tell
people they have or do not have morals?
I'm sorry but no one has that right.
Morals are a deeply personal thing,
everyone's are different.
Quote:
second I didn't
said neither that jenn is wrong for having
been happy about her abortion. I'm just
making an observation on what she thought
of her pregnancy when she had the
abortion.
And last if you get easily offended for
what people say here, then don't come here
and post.
Simple.
it's not about the people who post, it's
about all the others who come here and
read, to get advice, and who just see
women being insulted for their beliefs,
being told they have no morals, and having
posts directed at them that very clearly
imply they are wrong for being relieved
when their unwanted pregnancies were gone.
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2764 Location: ,
Thanks: 19
Thanked:18
Posted: 01-27-07 21:48pm
eiri
wrote:
it's not about the people who post, it's
about all the others who come here and
read, to get advice, and who just see
women being insulted for their beliefs,
being told they have no morals, and having
posts directed at them that very clearly
imply they are wrong for being relieved
when their unwanted pregnancies were
gone.
if the reader want advice an abortion
support then they should go to the
abortion support forum. In here we don't
sugar coat, plenty of times you have
insulted me, my beliefs and my religion so
stop trying to look like you don't insult.
And btw of course we pro-lifers are going
to imply being wrong about abortion in our
posts. Hello we are against abortion
didn't you realize?
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12984
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-28-07 01:59am
nightangel73
wrote:
eiri
wrote:
it's not about the people who post, it's
about all the others who come here and
read, to get advice, and who just see
women being insulted for their beliefs,
being told they have no morals, and having
posts directed at them that very clearly
imply they are wrong for being relieved
when their unwanted pregnancies were
gone.
if the reader want advice an abortion
support then they should go to the
abortion support forum. In here we don't
sugar coat, plenty of times you have
insulted me, my beliefs and my religion so
stop trying to look like you don't insult.
And btw of course we pro-lifers are going
to imply being wrong about abortion in our
posts. Hello we are against abortion
didn't you
realize?
i may have done these things, but they
were almost always in response to bigotry.
Secondly... I have never denied you your
rights. I have never told you that you
can't be christian. I have never told you
that. I've said I disagree with it...
But you will always have the right to
chose your own religion. You will always
have the right to chose to use your body
in any way.
But you still refuse other women basic
rights to their bodies. The person in the
wrong here, from my point of view, is you.
Yes, I disagree with you, but I cannot
and would not ever force you to do
something you didn't want to do. I just
wouldn't.
You would. You would tell a woman to not
abort, you would deny her that right to
control her own body and her own fate in
the name of "human rights", yet the very
thing you espouse is destroyed by your
beliefs, destroyed by your desire to
control her womb. It is not moral to
remove the rights of the born for the
unborn.
