I know I don't know any of you all that
well so I feel bad health forum about my
problems, but if I can't vent here, im
screwed.
It'll just be nice to let some caca out.
I'm 17 wks pregnant, 18 yrs old and as of
now thats the least of my worries. The
father my boyfriend soon to be
ex-boyfriend wants to be very involved and
some may say im lucky for that but the guy
is bad news. He's a liar I mean he lies
about everything , I always catch him out
partying , which is no biggie but when the
kids on drugs then it angers me off.
Apparently he's being questioned for a
local robbery, so i've asked him about
that a few times and he just fessed up to
it last night. His sister says im
childish and of course he lied about it
because I would go crazy, and it's no
reason to leave him. In the past he was
pretty abusive but I will give him some
credit he cut that caca out shortly after
we found out I was pregnant. I know im to
blame, i'm the fool that stuck with him,
but I thought he was doing so good he was
treating me better and started working
saying he loved me and the baby, but
really he was just being snaky and doing
everything behind my back instead of out
in the open. I just hate liars, and I
hate thieves and I think that right now I
should be worrying about me and this baby
and not have to babysit a 20 yr old man.
But as with most of my experiences in the
past , I cant shake this kid , something
about him makes me feel like the
problem... I'm so lost right now, I know
what needs to be done , but when I do this
kid will still try to be in my life by
whatever means possible , i'm such a tool
for getting myself in this mess!
sorry for ranting but it feels better to
get it all out here , then explode it all
on someone around me, that wouldnt be
good.
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 5041 Location: to hell with this crap
Posted: 01-23-07 11:54am
I am so sory to say this but you need to
leave him, and if he wants to be involved
in his child's life then he can pay child
support. That way he can be an active
part of the childs life without seeing him
or harming him/her. I think that once an
abuser than always one. Yeah he may
have changed that part of him but it won't
last. Now that you know that you are the
one to blame then fix it and leave him.
You can do a great job being a single
mother. Just dont' let him ruin your
childs life.
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004 Posts: 6492 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-23-07 11:55am
sunflower_pie81
wrote:
i am so sory to say this but
you need to leave him, and if he wants to
be involved in his child's life then he
can pay child support. That way he can
be an active part of the childs life
without seeing him or harming him/her.
I think that once an abuser than always
one. Yeah he may have changed that
part of him but it won't last. Now that
you know that you are the one to blame
then fix it and leave him. You can do a
great job being a single mother. Just
dont' let him ruin your childs
life.
took the words right out of my mouth
(fingers??) if he abused you then there
is every chance that hecould harm the
baby. Babies try peoples patience very
quickly.
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 01-23-07 12:01pm
You should leave him. Just because he
gave up being abusive doesn't mean he'll
continue to not be abusive. Usually it's
a hard habit to break for some.
Lying is also a hard habit to break for
some. If you don't nip it now, than when
your little one is 4 he/she will be
waiting on the front step for his daddy to
come and guess what, he won't show, and
you'll be the one that has to look into
those sad little eyes and explain it.
If he's into the party scene what kind of
father is he going to be really? If he
steps up to the plate, and wants to be a
good father, make him prove it to you by
helping you out with support (emotional
and financial). As long as you suspect
he is using drugs than I wouldn't let him
see my son/daughter without supervision.
If he doesn't step up to the plate than
from what you have said, it's no huge
loss.
Lots and lots of women do it on their own
and do a darn good job of it. It may be
hard and it may seem impossible to do
sometimes, but trust me you will be a
better/stronger person for it.
Good luck to you
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onmyway_0x
Supporter
Joined: 12 Jan 2007 Posts: 759 Location: Canada
Posted: 01-23-07 12:02pm
Thank-you for even replying to my
stupidity, I know when I see girls in this
situation I just kind-of roll my eyes and
go "what were they thinking" I have no
doubt that I need to leave this joke, it's
just a matter of being ridiculed for it I
can't stand. Him and his crazy mother and
stupid sister say that he has every right
to the baby , but I can see this man
literally getting ahold of my child and
taking off. I don't think a guy with a
criminal record , mental history and can't
hold a job should have any rights, but in
the back of my head I always think , worse
things have happened.
Im going to a pregnancy resource center on
thursday, for some prenatal and parenting
courses, and also to see what my options
are.
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November_Mommy05
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Oct 2005 Posts: 67 Location: Hartford City, Indiana
Posted: 01-23-07 12:07pm
I agree, you really need to leave him.
You may be thinking that it's going to be
hard without him/his help, but coming from
an 18 yr. Old mother of a 15 month old
that's been through it - it will be easier
without him!! We didn't officially break
up until our daughter was 8 mos. Old, but
he never was really there.. If you know
what I mean. He never helped me with her,
not a day in her life. Him being around
us just caused more stress and anger. We
did get back together when she was a year
old, and i'd like to say things worked out
and/or he is more mature ... But nope,
he's no different now than he was then.
When we were broken up, I tried dating -
and quite honestly I found some great guys
and a shocker to me, they didn't care that
I was a mom!! I really think you should
get rid of him - for good. & after a
little while, or after you little one is
born... Start dating again, and have more
control over yourself to get rid of them
sooner than later (if there no good for
you or your baby). Oh, and by the way...
Congratulations on your pregnancy!!
Love, love~
october 05' mommy!
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Idony
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 1611 Location: virginia beach, va usa
Thanks: 11
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-23-07 13:17pm
Wait, your not supose to leave him when he
robbed a place and lied to you about it,
but that was ok because if he told you the
truth you wouldve gotten mad? what your
supose to get mad, someone your with robs
a place and your not supose to be mad?
Thats messed up
ok now the bigger issue here...Dont be so
hard on yourself, at least you see now and
your trying to get out, whats worse is if
you see all this and you try to stay with
him and change him still, your doing the
right thing, its not all your fault
you do need to leave for your babys safety
(not to mention your own) if he insistes
on being involved he needs to pay child
support, and you should take him to court
(whether he pays it or not) and tell them
you fear for your childs safety with him
and they will most likely limit his visits
to supervised only and probably only a
certain amount of time
there are things you can do
~alicia~
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mamaTT
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Jan 2007 Posts: 2021 Location: Illinois, USA
Thanks: 17
Thanked:8
Posted: 01-23-07 13:49pm
onmyway_0x
wrote:
thank-you for even replying
to my stupidity, I know when I see girls
in this situation I just kind-of roll my
eyes and go "what were they thinking" I
have no doubt that I need to leave this
joke, it's just a matter of being
ridiculed for it I can't stand. Him and
his crazy mother and stupid sister say
that he has every right to the baby , but
I can see this man literally getting ahold
of my child and taking off. I don't
think a guy with a criminal record ,
mental history and can't hold a job should
have any rights, but in the back of my
head I always think , worse things have
happened.
Im going to a pregnancy resource center on
thursday, for some prenatal and parenting
courses, and also to see what my options
are.
i agree with you, he should not have any
rights with the record he has. However,
I have know others in situations similar
to yours and the father has gotten
visitation rights. I hope everything
works out ok for you, but just know there
is still a chance that he could get
visitation if wants it and he can prove
that he has changed. It may be
supervised visitation in the beginning
though.
