Joined: 13 Jan 2006 Posts: 31 Location: Washington, D.C.
I Think He Is Leaving...so Very Hurt...please Help Posted: 01-24-07 09:04am
The story:
my boyfriend and I have always conflicted
about how much time we spend together and
how much space he needs (he needs a ton).
He now works four days a week on the other
side of the country, so when he is in
town, I always want to spend as much time
with him as I can. He, however,
doesn'talways see it that way. This past
weekend, he told me that he would spend
friday and saturday nights with me but
that I had to leave on sunday to give him
space for a day and a night. On saturday,
however, he decided he needed space from
me fora few hours after breakfast and
suggested that I stay at my house for a
few hours and the drive to his after he
had gotten space.I was irritated because I
always feellike he is cutting back on what
limited time we have together.
Sunday morning, I drove him to the
airport. He is going to be gone for three
weeks in february, so I wanted to make
sure that I got time with him next
weekend. I suggested picking him up at
the airport thursday and spending the
weekend together, and he resisted. I
pushed a little more (i know I shouldn't
have). Last night, I was feeling bad for
pushing the issue, so I called his hotel
room to apologize, tell him that I respect
his space, and suggest that we meet friday
night like he originally wanted so he
could have some time to himself thursday
night and friday during the day. He told
me that he was"sketched out" by my calling
his hotel room and that I should wait for
him to call me (he initiates the vast
majority of the calls...I call him very
rarely). Then he said he couldn't even
get space from me in his hotel room and
that I had no respect for his space. He
sounded almost panicked about it. The end
result was him telling me hedidn'tknow if
he could be in a relationship with me
anymore and that he needed time to figure
it out. He said is will call me wednesday
night at 9:00 to tell me what he
decides.
I have pressured him a bit fortime
together, andmaybe I shouldnot have done
that. However, I rarely call, never check
up on him, try very hard to give him the
space he needs. It seems that no matter
how much I give him, he always needs
more.
The crazy thing is that things have vastly
improved between uslately. He finally met
my parents (after 15 months of dating) and
began telling me that he loved me.
I feel blindsided. We had a fun, relaxing
weekend together, and I was not expecting
this.
I am in serious pain. Despite things he
has done in the past, he is my best friend
and tells me hestill loves me. I don't
know what I would do without him. Ilove
him so deeply, and I can't believe that
now, all of a sudden and because of
something as trivial as a phone call, he
is going to be gone from my life.
I don'tknow how I am going to make it
until tomorrow, and I am evenmore
terrified of what he is going to say when
he calls. I feel like I am waiting to be
dumped by someone who means the world to
me. I really wish I hadn'tcalled him last
night, but I honestly thought I was doing
the nice, thoughtful, and respectful
thing.
Please help me. Is there anything I can
do? How do I make it until tomorrow? How
do I cope with the loss if he calls me and
dumps me over this?
I am devastated.
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jennys11
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Feb 2006 Posts: 70 Location: miami
Posted: 01-24-07 15:41pm
Wow-you sound like I did five years
ago...You are dating a man you hardly
know. He lives a life and doesn't include
you in it. He is letting you sit and
sweat it out until he decides...Please-
i don't understand why you hardly call
him-the red lights are flashing yet you
have blinders on...Something is not right
and I don't want to tell you. It also
sounds as if he has all the calls in the
relationship and lets you sit by the phone
waiting for his phone call.
When someone loves you they want to be
with you..Period. I think you need to
grow with yourself and become strong. You
can't get respect unless you respect
yourself.
I, too, was in the similar situation. I
always walked on egg shells around
him-never asking the
"right"questions..Like where the hell were
you?? Or who are you talkin to on the
phone?? It was maddening and one of the
most crushing times of my life. I let him
make all the calls and soon found out that
"yes-you can lose yourself...I soon cut
the strings and moved on.
Good luck
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RedDelight
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2006 Posts: 131 Location: I'm a Yettie!
Posted: 02-01-07 09:34am
Wow..Wow..And did I say wow??
Hell to the no!!!!! Why should you have
to bow down to every *single* command to
this guy? 50/50...Or nada.
Compremise..Not an on-call girlfriend!
That is horrible to be treated that way,
and I am sad that you have been through
this.
No one diserves to be treated less than a
human being...Especially when you just
miss him and want to see him. That's
what girlfriends and boyfriends usually
do.. Spend time with each other! For
him to cap it- specifically to modify his
needs. Doesn't he care for you? If so-
that's one twisted way of showing it.
I understand- and think you do too- the
difference between distant and
smoothering. I think ti's safe to say
you are not smoothering him. Why flip
out when you call him at his hotel? That
is a tad fishy to me. I don't like that.
You barely see him...Why would you want to
see someone that doesn't want to see you?
That has to be hurting you! You didn't
do anything wrong, girl. He is. He
should say something if something isn't
going right..And at this rate.. It
doesn't look good. Seems to me, he
doesn't have the balls to say something,
here.
I would give him his space... Do things-
live your life. If he happens to fall
into place with your plans.. Great- if
not - oh well- you need to be happy- you
do not need a boyfriend to make you happy-
when you are not happy 1st.
I hope you trust your gut instinct here.
That is wrong to yell at someone for
caring..He sounds really controlling.
Would you want to have a baby with someone
like him? Do you plan on marrying him?
Introducing each other that late- to your
parents? Wow. Someone's hiding
something.
Good luck- I would move on.
-=reds=-
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Makoto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 263 Location: Japan
Posted: 02-01-07 11:13am
He is hiding something.
I think he has a girlfriend or a wife. My
bet is that he has a wife. That is why he
calls you.
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hmmminteresting
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Mar 2007 Posts: 3
Posted: 03-06-07 01:26am
Well at least you've had somebody! Geez!
I'll be getting shipped off to Afghanistan
before I get to date someone (that'll
probably be a year or two from now, I'm
just that shy )! But seriously,
if he's not making you a priority, you
shouldn't try and make him a priority.
)! But seriously,
if he's not making you a priority, you
shouldn't try and make him a priority.