First of all, I am not irritated by people here. You are all so wonderful and have given me wonderful ideas for the whole bedrest along with encouragment thank you. Sorry about my long rant. I wasn't going to bring up too much of my personal life on here but what the heck? I am going through enough already so I have nothing to lose.

The more I think about my doctor the more irritated I become. He should have referred me to a perinatologist at least for level ii ultrasound. I have been reading in high risk pregnancy forums and most doctors refer out when something like this happens. My doctor actually told me on monday that based on his personal research during the weekend regarding prom premature rupture of membranes, if I have an infection, I will have to end the pregnancy. What??? He is not even an expert. He had to look it up and read a few articles. Ethically he is supposed to refer out!! I just contacted a perinatologist office and talked with the receptionist. After hearing my story and typing like mad, she told me that she was shocked the doctor didn't refer out and that my situation warranted that. I asked her if they would see me without a referral and she said yes. She will be talking with the nurse who will call me and then talk to the doctor to get me in. I guess I am the second person calling from the same doctor's office (many doctor's in the office). My doctor is about 45 minutes from the perinatologist so what does that tell you??? I am at a job where if you are not qualified you refer out!! Obviously, doctors are under that - at least you would think. Sorry, I am irritated. At least the baby is doing fine. I am hoping they would want to see me today or tomorrow. I am hoping, praying. Oh...I almost faint whenever I get up which is probably due to my low blood pressure.

In other news, my husband is bipolar ii - more depression than mania. About a week before this whole thing happened he started in his depression phase and hasn't taken his meds for a year and he doesn't have a doctor because we moved to a new area!!! He has lost jobs when he is like this. He gave our son the wrong dosage of medication, luckily it was to help his constipation - the "adult dose" still didn't make him poop, which is another problem in our lives. He has to get enemas. The doctors in this town just suck!! Anyways, my husband has been starting work late and it is telecommuniting from home!! He just sits there with this blank look. He was doing that before this whole thing happened and it is still the same now...Which my bedrest and the additional stressors don't help. He won't even call a doctor or can't. It's like he is incapable. I would temporarily leave him if I could because the stress of being around him right now is just too much. Seriously too much. I have been dealing with this illness for years now and it really plays a number on your feeling of stability. I always had the stable job but now I can't work. I want to stay home full time when the baby is born but will my husband be able to keep his job????

On top of that, we have to tell the homebuilder, our agent and our loan guy that we are saying no to the house and then we will lose a few thousand because it was noncontingent ---- which means we really can't get our earnest money back. Hey, we are not rolling in the money although we were "then" able to buy a house. A few thousand dollars is a lot of money.


Life throws us curves balls and I understand that. I just get so frustrated at other people so much: my doctor, my husband, my other family members....So irritating. I will just continue to pray for strength under these circumstances....That is all I can do!!