Medical Abortion Forum - I Regret My Decision And Need Someone to Talk to


I Regret My Decision And Need Someone to Talk to

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chrisferg

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Joined: 31 Jan 2007
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I Regret My Decision And Need Someone to Talk to Posted: 01-31-07 14:13pm


Hi, i had an abortion about a month ago. It was 100% my choice and within 24 hours, I realized I had made a huge mistake. I cry alot, can't seem to shake it from my mind. I am married, and my husband supported me in this decision---he has been wonderful and I should be so lucky to have him-but he and I are the only ones who know, and I feel bad that I keep talking to him about it because I know he hurts too and he is trying so hard to help me get through it. I just need someone I can be in contact with that can relate to how I am feeling. We made this decision because we have 4 children, 2 are mine from a first marriage and 2 are ours together. My husband had a vasectomy in may of last year because we decided, together, that we wouldn't have any more children. The vasectomy failed, yes, it was his child, and he knows that and voila, I was pregnant. I made the decision in a weak moment and I don't know how to overcome this. I am 41 years old, and I am hoping to reach someone who is in this position--older, married and full of regret. Anyone out there needing to talk on a regular basis?--i am starting to lose my mind. Thanks.

Jules

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Joined: 19 Aug 2006
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Posted: 01-31-07 14:24pm


I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling bad but you're not alone. I can strongly recommend this site: www.Passboards.Org (all lower case letters) it is a non-judgemental site for women who regret their abortions to support each other and help each other heal. It's not religious or pro-life so there's no guilt trip, just women like you. I wish you all the best.

chrisferg

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 31 Jan 2007
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Posted: 01-31-07 16:35pm


Thank you purest green. I will check out that website tomorrow when I have more time. I appreciate you taking the time to send it to me. I had no idea what this site was like, just happened to come across it while I was searching for help. It's a start anyway.

Jules

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Posted: 02-01-07 02:28am


This place has some nice people but there's really not enough people on this board for you to get the support you need in my opinion. Hope you find the other site helpful - I tend to 'lurk' there as I haven't had an abortion myself but have had both friends and family members that have.

Birch

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Re: I Regret My Decision And Need Someone to Talk to
Posted: 02-01-07 08:37am

chrisferg wrote:

hi,

i had an abortion about a month ago. It was 100% my choice and within 24 hours, I realized I had made a huge mistake. I cry alot, can't seem to shake it from my mind. I am married, and my husband supported me in this decision---he has been wonderful and I should be so lucky to have him-but he and I are the only ones who know, and I feel bad that I keep talking to him about it because I know he hurts too and he is trying so hard to help me get through it. I just need someone I can be in contact with that can relate to how I am feeling. We made this decision because we have 4 children, 2 are mine from a first marriage and 2 are ours together. My husband had a vasectomy in may of last year because we decided, together, that we wouldn't have any more children. The vasectomy failed, yes, it was his child, and he knows that and voila, I was pregnant. I made the decision in a weak moment and I don't know how to overcome this. I am 41 years old, and I am hoping to reach someone who is in this position--older, married and full of regret. Anyone out there needing to talk on a regular basis?--i am starting to lose my mind. Thanks.

hi chrisferg,

i am sorry about your situation! It is rough regretting this kind of decision. I think the board purestgreen recommended is good, and you may want to even find a person or a counselor to talk with in person as well. I have read of abortion support groups available (depending on where you live). You could also call the clinic you used and see if they have any recommendations.

Best of luck to you!!!

Tylanas

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Posted: 02-01-07 12:54pm


As they said above, there aren't a lot of women on this site, and many of us are young. I can give a little bit of advice, if you'd like, though! Lavish the children you already have; you did this for them, so give them the love you can! Cherish them; they're going to love you unconditionally! You are not a bad person at all! You made a very hard desicion, for the greater good of your already-born children; and it is a very noble, pragmatic, loving, and mature choice.

alphamom

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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
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Location: north carolina

Posted: 02-01-07 19:51pm


Chrisferg sounds like some good website recommendations and probably talking with a professional is best advice. Having said that, I will tell you my personal experience with any moments of regret over the past 35 yrs. I had an abortion at 20 weeks when I was 15 in 1973 - abortion had just been legalized. Have I had regrets? Yes. I have also been glad, relieved, reflective - you guessed it - every emotion you can imagine. (partly it is because the abortion was late term and I could feel strong movement for a month or so prior to the abortion. I subsequently had an abortion several years later at 11/12 weeks and for me, there was a huge difference emotionally between the two. I rarely if ever have had any regrets about that second abortion and feel it was the right decision and have to admit I rarely think about it. The late term abortion, for me was different. Whenever I did have those moments/times of regret, I would come full circle and remind myself to have faith in my decision making and the circumstances of my life at the time. What was my state of mind then? What were the reasons? It is easy to regret decisions (abortion and otherwise) when your circumstances change. I have found my moments of regret surface about this abortion when I was older and financially and emotionally ready for a baby. For me, those periods of regret were then followed by periods of knowing I had done the right thing. I don't think people's feelings are constant. You may very well feel differently next week/month etc. But I don't have to tell you that a person can drive themself crazy second guessing themselves about every decision in life that they make if they do this. I regret not marrying so and so, regret selling that stock, regret that I drank that evening or fell asleep behind the wheel and caused a car wreck that injured, killed someone, etc etc. I'm sure a professional can help you work through this. I know you said that it wasn't given a great deal of thought but could that have been because you felt so sure about it at the time? I would say - try to have confidence in yourself and your decision at the time. What is it that you regret? That you now actually want a baby at 41? Or what - a moral dilemma? For me these all of these feelings all come and go in waves over time - yes regret sometimes as well as other emotions of relief and self assurance. It takes thought to deal with this and I hope you get the help and guidance you need. I hope this helped. (and for the record in case anyone thinks otherwise because I have admitted having regrets, ----i am pro choice.)