Am I Over Reacting? I Dont Know How to Handle This Posted: 01-31-07 14:43pm
Recently I have become bothered by a
friend of mine acting overly friendly to
my boyfriend. Really she's overly flirty
with alot of guys so this shouldnt bother
me but theres a history to this...
A few years ago I had a boyfriend who
completely broke my heart. While I was
going out with him this friend erica, had
gotten to be friends with him as she likes
to do, so when my boyfriend broke up with
me, I had to spend the next month or so
listening to my friend talk about how
'awesome' she thought my ex was and how
much fun he was to hang out with and blah
blah blah. It was hurtful. I felt
betrayed that my friend would act like
this.
A few months later me and a guy friend,
craig, who was friends with both me and
erica started having a thing. I told him
I wasnt yet sure if I wanted anything to
happen because I didnt want to ruin our
friendship and he got really upset. Later
that night I was out with friends and they
all said that they thought this guy craig
was going to have sex with erica and
obviously I got very upset. I said "why
would craig do that to me?' and my friends
said 'cause he feels rejected' and I said
"why would erica do that to me?" and they
said "cause its erica..." nothing ended up
happening that night, but me and craig
never ended up dating anyways, and down
the road him and erica ended up in a
serious relationship.
Which brings me to now, and she acts very
friendly with my boyfriend now and it
makes me insanely nervous, and a little
jealous. Part of me knows im being
stupid, but based on the past I just cant
accept it. I know my boyfriend would
never cheat on me, and I doubt he'd leave
me for her in any situation but...I dont
know I dont feel comfortable. I feel ilke
what if me and my bf broke up and then i'd
have to deal with erica getting all cozy
with him like she did with my ex. Its a
what if, but its a big 'what if' to me.
I've already told my boyfriend partly that
it bugs me and I todl him it felt like he
flirted back with her sometimes (i
understand he is just a man and im not
really upset with him), and I told him
that it upsets me. He apologized and
basically reasured me that I would never
have to worry about it etc. Etc. Then I
felt dumb for making a big deal out of it.
Anyways her birthday is coming up so we'll
be seeing her then, and im just worried
that im gonna get all upset or anxious
again if she starts flirting with him. I
dont know how to avoid this. Should I be
telling my bf the whole story and hope
that he just avoids her? Some of you
might say that I should talk to her about
this, but she's kind of self righeous and
will just shrug it off or do it just to
annoy me, I just dont see her taking me
seriously - we're not that close of
friends.
Should ijust try to get over it and hope
that she can honor a friendship this time?
I honestly dont know what to do and the
more I try to not think about it the more
I get anxiety about it.
|
Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
Posted: 01-31-07 15:49pm
Hello there kitz. There are a few basic
things that should be standing in a
relatinship (friend and lover). First
you dont touch someone thats been in a
relationship with one of your
friends....Thats a given. If someone is
seeing someone there off limits and this
should be alwasy. Secondly this seems
like something thats really bothering you,
you need to stand up for yourself. Tell
erica how all of this makes you feel, if
she gets upset thats not your
fault...These are you feelings and yours
only, dont let others tell you your
feelings are wrong. I'd also like to
point out that you need to tell your
current boyfriend the whole story. It
wouldnt be fair to him for you to get
upset about this erica and him not knowing
the whole story.
One other thing....If this ex boyfriend
got with erica after you broke up thats
f*ing shady. First i'd be totaly pissed
at erica and secondly would be super happy
I wasnt with such an ass.
These are basic things that need to be out
in the open all the time. If you feel
erica is flirting with your boyfriend you
need to say something about it....But if
your boyfriend isint doing anything about
it i'd say thats on him.
For me, if I was in a relatoinship and
another girl was flirtying with
him...Regardless who this girl was id tell
her to back the medical answer off right
away. Its out of respect for the person
you have commited to and the respect for
yourself.
My last relatinoship was with a girl who
liked to flirt also, she was honest and
good hearted but she was just flirty.
She worked at breasts for awhile which
tore me apart. I would go in to pick her
up after work and she was be there sitting
@ a table drinking with some guys...It
always botherd me and I alwasy told
her...But thats just a difference between
us that I know neither of us would "work
on".
Being a "boy"...I think this erica girl
needs to back off...And I think your
boyfriends need to not flirt with her...If
they do, theres other options out there.
Stay up ^_^
|
Makoto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 263 Location: Japan
Posted: 01-31-07 17:43pm
If I understand. You have to becareful of
your friend erica, who seems to either
like the men you find, or all men in
general.
Your friends should not be flirting with
your boyfriend. Tell you bf you do not
like it, and to stop it. Also, say the
same to erica.
I do not think erica is being much of a
friend, if she ever was. But which do you
value more, your bf or yourfriendship with
erica.
Personally, erica is not much of a friend
and I would keep her away from your bf and
yourself. She is going to be like a nasty
infection. Every now and then she is
going to come back to be a pain in your
ass.
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Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
Posted: 01-31-07 19:06pm
I agree with makoto...But then again
regardless if a girl is flirting with your
boyfriend your boyfriend needs to be the
one to say stop.
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004 Posts: 6492 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-31-07 19:18pm
Why are you still friends with her?
have you talked to her about this before?
She sounds skankish.
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RedDelight
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2006 Posts: 131 Location: I'm a Yettie!
Posted: 02-01-07 09:01am
lil_blaze2004
wrote:
why are you still friends
with her?
have you talked to her about this before?
She sounds skankish.
yeahhh big time promiscuous person!
Doesn't it strike you odd- that erica is
flirting with any and every single one of
your ex's or current boyfriend[s]? I
think.. This broad needs a reality check.
Call her out on it- you've been polite--
way past polite- you are letting her
basically walk on you at this point.
next time erica flirts with your current
boyfriend, embrass the lil' smurfette- and
call her out on it. In front of him- I
would tell him first, as the other posters
agree- tell him the entire story. Now if
he continues to flirt back, after knowing
all of that- then you need to get into a
better group of people. That's like
incest..Erica. Gross- taking everyone's
seconds! At least to me it is.
Since you haven't said anything for so
long- and allowed her to do it- you are in
the wrong too. But, she should know
proper equiette- and back the heck off-
especially if you have a boyfriend- and
she continues to do it.
I would call her out on it- and if she
never changes- then i'd diffinately get
her out of my life.
Good luck- just think of how often she did
this to you- when you confront her!
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next time erica flirts with your current
boyfriend, embrass the lil' smurfette- and
call her out on it. In front of him- I
would tell him first, as the other posters
agree- tell him the entire story. Now if
he continues to flirt back, after knowing
all of that- then you need to get into a
better group of people. That's like
incest..Erica. Gross- taking everyone's
seconds! At least to me it is.
