Hmm I'm Starting to Wonder About Myself. Posted: 02-03-07 23:22pm
To give an introduction to those who have
not seen me before I am of 16 years of
age.
Right now, as many weekends, I feel in a
state were I am a million miles away from
the rest of the world. I don't feel an
interest in things at all, I try to do my
home work but I just want to go on the
computer. Every weekend is like this, the
only time I don't feel like this at
school. When the weekends come I just
have nothing to do, and no one to talk
with other than the people online. I
don't feel talking to people in my real
world, mainly because I find myself either
annoying for them, that they loook at me
at a lower level, or I just don't want to
be bothered with anyone. The last one
though is a definate most of the time, I
don't want to be bothered by anyone. My
house is like my bunker.
I feel only happy when i'm home the rest
of the world either, makes me feel
anxious, paranoid, and mainly bored. At
school though I do find myself enjoying
myself. I am a b student by the way. I
don't like the summer I have nothing to
do, I remeber though when I tried asking
people to hang out, they had other thigns
to do. But I know only few people, people
lost intrest in me in mid grade school.
High school i'm at peace with everyone.
I question the meaning of my exsistance,
no i'm no I don't think of killing myself.
If I don't know what i'm living for why
should I be dying for? But it does make
me feel lost and empty to think that maybe
the human race was something lucky, that
the things people do like have job a
family is only good krama it's not
required but just a disraction. So I get
depressed over that maybe. Not super
depressed just, "oh how dull" my out look
of life gets lowered, I figure I have
nothing to look forward too, i'll just
become a robot and see if I can make
someone esle exsistance easier, as I
surreneder all my desires of nothing.
Time forgets what ever personnal things I
do, so it doesn't matter much to me.
I always find my self on the internet a
way to distract me with my troubles (
soical-life, etc.) and in away it does
work, but how long though.
I don't like the real world, it's not a
nice place. I feel like I might have to
fight or I get butterflies in my stomach
to the 3rd degree a lot if i'm not in a
fimilar situation. I do dream alot about
life with a purpose, but then i'd question
the purpose within the purpose, and my
beliefs dis-solve into a strange hindu
like religion, i'm stuck like this untill
I die and become something new. But
remeber I don't get out much only for
family affairs.
I don't know what esle to say other that
to summarize this all into one
statement.
" I feel a million miles away, alot."
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tannerz_rja
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 13
Your Just Depressed Posted: 02-03-07 23:47pm
You dont really make that much
sence.Sorry.
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Zadnerist
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jan 2007 Posts: 14
Re: Your Just Depressed Posted: 02-04-07 00:02am
tannerz_rja
wrote:
you dont really make that
much sence.Sorry.
and that's why I feel
there isn't much hope for me
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littlesqueaks
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 296 Location: Caldwell, Idaho
Posted: 02-04-07 02:55am
Maybe getting a job during your free time
might help.
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imaginary
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2007 Posts: 61 Location: ,
Thanks: 0
Thanked:3
Re: Hmm I'm Starting to Wonder About Myself. Posted: 02-04-07 08:04am
zadnerist
wrote:
i always find my self on the internet a
way to distract me with my troubles (
soical-life, etc.) and in away it does
work, but how long though.
atleast u find interest in internet and
happy with people online,right?
That's nice to hear anyway.I can
understand that u always thinks
positively...Thoughts like this in ur age
is really common.Nothing to worry
about,ok?
We all are always here for u to talk
with.
Take care,
imaginary :d
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Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
Posted: 02-04-07 15:41pm
Whats up zadnerist. I know how you feel
in a way.
During my adolsent I alwasy felt like I
should be in a mental institue...Or that I
was an alien and just didnt belong with
humans. It sucks getting traped by
something like "online" or videogames or
what ever....Slowly you lose motivation to
do anything at all.
Best advice I can give is just go out
there man...Be crazy and let loose. Go
to a party with friends or go
bowling....Im serious just do something
out of the normal.
As you get older you can start to control
what you like/dislike by doing it more and
more. I'm not saying if you hate bowling
go do it but you know what I mean....Get
active.
Remeber we are humans and our body needs
certian things to live a happy and one of
them is excersize...Regardless what it
is...Go out see some light on a nice day
and go crazy ^_^.
If you feel that things are just to hard
to cop with see a Dr. Some of them will
hit it right on the nail.
Best of luck man, stay up and feel free to
post here whenever.
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Zadnerist
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jan 2007 Posts: 14
Posted: 02-05-07 18:09pm
Awh, group hug everyone.
I would like to note to everyone, that I
feel different as the day goes on, happy
when the sun's up, and late at night if
i'm not sleeping I get depressed.
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Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
Posted: 02-05-07 18:47pm
Possibly spend more energy during the day
so your more sleepy at night ^_^.
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Zadnerist
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jan 2007 Posts: 14
Posted: 02-05-07 20:23pm
color of paper
wrote:
possibly spend more energy
during the day so your more sleepy at
night ^_^.
true.
I don't know if I can stay on the topic of
depression anymore.
But I do at times suffer from rare cases
of insomina, were I do strange things. I
become a different person at night
sometimes, all depressed and apathic.
Nuff said on that.
Yesterday I went to my friends super bowl
party and I interacted with everyone very
well, that being, my best friend, my
friend from school and my old friend from
grade school was there and 2 other kids
that i'd never seen before,but we all
intereacted well, but we played mainly
video games, and watch the game at the
same time.
Appearently I had the most laughs at the
party. And I really had no second
thoughts about it at all.
(another rant about myself; maybe you
might read something you like that helps
you, I dunno.)
i am active, I exerise alot most of the
time. I try to do what I should and not
what I could.
I can't be crazy, I feel like I shouldn't
do it. I do let lose with the regular
people I ang around in school and that's
it nothing esle. I mean it's hard for me
to say this without having to repeat
myself.
But i'm mainly a free loner outside
school, and I don't think it's doing to
good with myself. I starting to think no
girl likes me and my interactions with
people are becoming limited, I know i'm in
control of everything, after all life is
really our movie, our drama, it may sound
selfish but it's nice to think about it
that way. But I feel like i'm not making
the movie the movie is making me. I don't
think I have control, but it seems like
i'm in my comfort zone orbiting safely
around my home planet.
I might haev a fear of adventure, but
there's something inside of me that just
makes me do something reguardless of what
I think of it, I don't think about it, I
just do it.
I've hiked 54 miles in new mexico in july
of '05, but in the leading months of that
I had doubts that, maybe I don't wanna go.
And when the time come to sign your name,
even with the large feeling of doubt I
acted out, I defined what my majority
brain had to say about what I was doing
and did it.
I feel my performance confidence
building, but that's only for things I
need to do in public like read somethign
aloud give a speech.
It's hard for me to really understand
what's going on around me on a deeper
emotional level. To relate back to what I
had to say about life, in my first post.
We are proably in control of our lives,
but we truly don't see the controls or
understand how to use them.
I just see myself calm like a bomb right
now, i'm slowly beging to errupt, I just
find it disappointing I don't allow myself
to do more things, and I don't understand
that, i've never had an legitimit analysis
on myself to conivice myself and give
myself closure, I do hear the common
answers, but I don't see much piercing
through to me, on the emotional level.
