the Other Side of the Cargiver Posted: 02-05-07 10:11am
I really need some advice. I started
dating this wonderful man several months
ago. He is socially active, motivated
for achieving greater things in his
future, artistic, creative, and giving.
A few weeks into our courtship he confided
in me his “real” situation. Around
10 years ago he started dating someone who
developed schizophrenia. They
“ended” the physical relationship
sometime later. However, this person
still lives with the man I am dating. In
fact, this person sleeps in the same bed,
is supported both financially and
emotionally almost 100% by my friend.
But he works, drives, functions in public
areas, etc. He is successfully
medicated. My friend is the only
caregiver, outside of this person’s
brother who is also schizophrenic. I
feel like the “other woman.” I have
never dealt with schizophrenia before, and
have never been with someone who is the
primary caregiver for a schizophrenic. I
am not sure how to process some of the
issues I feel. I am not sure if there
can be a future with me and this person
because he hasn’t even let me meet the
person yet (and the person doesn’t want
to meet me). It seems he has made a
life-long commitment to this other man,
and this other person will always be the
priority. I know he is burnt out. He
feels that trying to make any changes to
the current status quo will be like
“kicking the other person to the curb”
(including having the guy sleep in his own
bed or calling me boyfriend). He has not
had a healthy, loving relationship in 10
years. I am being affected by
schizophrenia and I don’t even know the
man who has it. What am I missing?
What are the boundaries I should be
red-flagging (if not to him, then to
myself?). How can I help him? Where
does patience take a back seat to my own
wishes/needs in this relationship? How
long is too long?
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admin
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 26 Jun 2003 Posts: 3309 Location: Coral Springs, FL USA
Thanks: 110
Thanked:17
Posted: 02-09-07 09:07am
You are asking such good questions! If
you'd prefer, you might try asking the
same questions in the relationships
section of the website.
