How Do You Cope With Missing Your Ex? Posted: 02-12-07 18:12pm
She's not out of my life, we still have
the kids and must interact. I'm still
attracted to her a little bit...
How do I cope and not end up going to bed
with her??
|
Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
Posted: 02-12-07 19:35pm
Think about it in a realistic way. First
you know gonig back to bed with her will
only complicate things. Secondly start
looking for some one new. It doesnt have
to completely involve your whole life, a
relationship can be a relationship and not
engluff your entire life. Have your own
sense of well being and happyness without
her...Its very doable.
Also make sure your alwasy aware of your
situation with her....Dont get caught in a
room alone talking about things. Also I
find the easiest way to fall back for an
ex is the attitude when seeing each other.
I try to keep it as profesional as
possible....Since you guys have kids that
should be the only concern for both of
you...Not each other. ^_^
|
DPantelones
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 141 Location: ,
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
Posted: 02-13-07 13:40pm
I don't know about another relationship so
soon, I don't think that would be healthy.
I do have lots of family and friends
though, and think that by bugging the crap
out of them that might keep my mind
occupied.
And as far as the relationship we'll
maintain in regards to the children, yeah
that's going to be tough but you're right;
keep it professional and don't say/do
anything that might either lead to
something or be misunderstood as an
invitation to do something.
|
Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
Posted: 02-13-07 16:32pm
I didnt mean jump into another
relationship...I was just saying maybe
start talking/dating.....Of course nothing
seroius. Keep buggin your family and
friends and alwasy feel free to bug these
forums.
Sadly my next 2 weeks here at work are
going to be a nightmare! I'm going to try
to keep up with the post and what not.
Stay up, time will do its thing ^_^
|
Birch
Moderator
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3961 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 126
Thanked:12
Posted: 02-13-07 20:35pm
Take up a hobby; take a class; learn a
musical instrument-practice everytime you
feel like calling or interacting. Remind
yourself how much it would screw
everything up if you slept with her.
Call to mind the reason why you aren't
with her, and that might set off
something. Maybe never go alone when you
see her-don't let a situation come up that
you could use to jump into bed. Take a
buddy, make sure the kids are around.
(so did you end up leaving the house? I
remember things were tough. Hang in
there!)
|
yogahoneybunny
Supporter
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 880 Location: Strumica, Macedonia
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-14-07 08:09am
Great and honest question.
Just don't. When you feel like you need
companionship, you'll need to find other
outlets. In my experience, it gets
easier after the first few months. But
the first 3 months are grueling, aching,
months. I'm with color of paper. In
time, having other relationships will
help. Relationships do not imply sex.
Anyhow, keep us posted. We want to hear
how it's going.
|
DPantelones
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 141 Location: ,
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
Posted: 02-14-07 12:42pm
Thanks color/birch/yoga, all great advice!
I'll sure be posting more about it as we
go along.
Birch, I haven't moved out yet, but am
looking. I asked her to move out, since
she's the cause of all this heartache, but
we discussed it and both agreed that if
anyone is to go (she says she doesn't want
me to go) it should be me for the kids
sake. She is a good mother and has never
done anything to make me think otherwise.
My issues with her stem from our
relationship and I just feel that the kids
should be with her in the house, at least
for now.
|
Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
Posted: 02-14-07 12:52pm
Your awsome dp. Keep your head up. ^_^
|
raven53
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Sep 2005 Posts: 51
Posted: 02-14-07 20:46pm
Hi d. You are going to miss her. You
are going to be tempted to want to sleep
with her, but when you do, remember how
she made you feel. How hurt you were
with her, and that might take the edge off
a bit. Don't give her the satisfaction
of knowing that she is still getting to
you. In the meantime, you need to get out
of there away from her. I think it's
terrible that you have to be the one to
go, since you are not the one who create
this mess, but so be it, and when you do,
you can always join a singles group. I
did, and was surprised how many nice
people were in the same boat as me. Even
though my heart was breaking, it was good
to get out of the house and talk with
people who understood. It's hard with
the friends and relatives, because you can
tend to bug them too much, and feel they
are getting sick of hearing your problems,
but with the singles groups, they all know
exactly what you are going through, and
can call and chat with you when you are
down. Just a suggestion for something to
do when you find you are at loose ends.
If you have any divorced or single
friends, maybe you can get one to go with
you to some of the dances or group
discussions. And then there is always
the internet. Lots of people to talk to
there. It sure helps you get through the
long days. Good luck.
|
raven53
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Sep 2005 Posts: 51
Posted: 02-14-07 20:49pm
Hi d. You are going to miss her. You
are going to be tempted to want to sleep
with her, but when you do, remember how
she made you feel. How hurt you were
with her, and that might take the edge off
a bit. Don't give her the satisfaction
of knowing that she is still getting to
you. In the meantime, you need to get out
of there away from her. I think it's
terrible that you have to be the one to
go, since you are not the one who create
this mess, but so be it, and when you do,
you can always join a singles group. I
did, and was surprised how many nice
people were in the same boat as me. Even
though my heart was breaking, it was good
to get out of the house and talk with
people who understood. It's hard with
the friends and relatives, because you can
tend to bug them too much, and feel they
are getting sick of hearing your problems,
but with the singles groups, they all know
exactly what you are going through, and
can call and chat with you when you are
down. Just a suggestion for something to
do when you find you are at loose ends.
If you have any divorced or single
friends, maybe you can get one to go with
you to some of the dances or group
discussions. And then there is always
the internet. Lots of people to talk to
there. It sure helps you get through the
long days. Good luck.
|
Birch
Moderator
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3961 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 126
Thanked:12
Posted: 02-14-07 21:16pm
dpantelones
wrote:
thanks color/birch/yoga, all
great advice! I'll sure be posting more
about it as we go along.
Birch, I haven't moved out yet, but am
looking. I asked her to move out, since
she's the cause of all this heartache, but
we discussed it and both agreed that if
anyone is to go (she says she doesn't want
me to go) it should be me for the kids
sake. She is a good mother and has
never done anything to make me think
otherwise. My issues with her stem from
our relationship and I just feel that the
kids should be with her in the house, at
least for
now.
thanks for the update, dpant. I bet it
is especially hard today, and you're both
still in the same house! Wow.
Was she sorry or regretful when you talked
about leaving?
I hope you make it through this not hating
women or being everdistrustful!
Best of luck!
|
paullois
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Feb 2007 Posts: 3 Location: chicago
Similar to Dpantelones Posted: 02-15-07 00:18am
As I read you past postings, I thought you
knew about my situation. The only
difference is my wife changed the house
locks on me two days after our daughters
first birthday because I did not call
before entering the house as she
requested. Although we agreed to
separation, I wasn't moving fast enough to
get out of the house.
I've been gone for eight months and she
continues to have the guy around and
overnight when I have told her not to do
that. Of course she denies it. But
then I ask why is his car parked out front
or in the back off the alley. Her
response "he's not here. He just parks
his car here." she really thinks I am
stupid. Who in their right mind would
park his/her vehicle at someone elses
house and leave to go elsewhere. How
would they get elsewhere without the car
unless another person picks them up; which
negates the rational for having a car.
She doesn't see anything wrong with having
another man around our toddler and we
aren't even divorced yet. And gets angry
at me for bringing it up when I catch her
lying.
|
paullois
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Feb 2007 Posts: 3 Location: chicago
Coping With the Ex Posted: 02-15-07 00:28am
We're not divorced yet, but holidays like
today are difficult b/c memories flood the
my mind with what we use to do. Although
we've only been married 3 yrs and dated
for 2, she loved my creative romantic
ideas and said that no one will do for me
what I do for her. And I miss doing
them. It took all my strength not to
give her a card, phone call or text page
for valentines day. Like someone stated
earlier, we have to find outlets for
ourselves so we don't go crazy.
Sometimes it is easier said than done.
|
DPantelones
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 141 Location: ,
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
Update Posted: 02-27-07 17:56pm
Well, I've been out of the house for a
full week now, moved out last Tuesday
while the kids were in school. It was so
hard telling those little ones, but you
know what? They're tough! We all bawled
for about an hour and talked, then I threw
some humor into it and we laughed, then
talked some more.
I miss the kids, I miss sex, but I don't
miss the STBX one bit other than that. I
missed our counseling session yesterday
because of the time off work from last
week, but we go again this coming Monday
and I'm going to vent. She still won't
communicate, now she's pissed because I
went through with the move.
I see the kids every day, if just for a
quick hello and a hug and kiss, and I get
them every other day and this weekend
they'll stay over the whole weekend (last
Friday night they stayed the night and we
hung out Saturday until about noon). It
was good.
I guess my point is that everyone in the
family is adjusting, and so far the kids
seem good. We're both keeping a close eye
on them, school and how they play, all
that. We've repeatedly told them that if
they have questions or just want to yell,
scream, kick or whatever, to let us have
it. We'll keep looking after them, they
are most important to me and the STBX too,
I still believe she's a good Mom, just a
lousy wife!
Anyone with advice on how to get past the
missing home so much, please feel free, I
could use it! I miss my kiddies even
though I see them every day!!
