Self Injury Forum - Gf Is a Cutter, Need Advise


Gf Is a Cutter, Need Advise

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sean84

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 2
Location: Wi

Gf Is a Cutter, Need Advise Posted: 02-14-07 02:13am


Well, ex gf now, mostly due to it. I found out she was a cutter (for 6+ years) within the first month of dating her (10 months ago) I was really confused and scared. I tried being understanding but it was a really touchy subject and the topic rarely came up. She had stopped so thats a major reason it stopped being talked about. But, about 3 weeks ago she starting acting....Well, different. I had casually looked for cuts but never really found any so I didnt directly ask about it. Eventually she broke up with me (no real reason at first) but a little while later I was able to get out of her that she had started cutting again. She said she did it to save me from being dragged down into her caca. So...My question is how can I try to help her?? She's by far my best friend and it kills me seeing her like this. I know i'll never be able to really understand what shes going through but still. About the only thing that makes a little sense is she said if she can't care for herself she can't possibly care about someone else. Any advise for what a person in her situation might possibly be looking for would be greatly appreciated!

lil_blaze2004

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Posted: 02-14-07 11:22am


It's hard to understand a cutter's mentality. When I was cutting a lot my bf at the time was the worst supprt system I could have had. Try and see if she will go to counseling. Go with her if need be. How old are you guys? She needs to keep herself occupied and find other things to do.

sean84

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 2
Location: Wi

Posted: 02-15-07 02:57am


I'm 21, shes 19. I just got done talking with her, and I was 100% straight forward with regards to counseling. Since she already broke up with me I was able to say a little more. I think I just might be getting somewhere. I think she's starting to realize that it isn't healthy, that she won't be fine by just ignoring it, again. Mentioning how she's really tested my breaking point to where i'm almost ready to say screw it all due to these underlying self-esteem/cutting issues seemed to have gotten somewhere. As of right now i've got her talking about how the counslers here at school are "crappy" (as her friend apparently described them) and how shes afraid of being put onto meds, and her parents finding out (real pieces of crap imo...Very verbally abusive, but loving seconds later so it really screws with how she thinks and acts towards them) at least i've got her talking about going to someone.... Right??? The only other person who she talks to is a good friend "whos going through the exact same thing" which is good, but not what she really needs. I know I can't force her into counseling, and pushing too hard will just repulse her with the idea. Is it best to keep going on how she's hurting more then just herself??

happyfoosball

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 13 Feb 2007
Posts: 14

Posted: 02-15-07 14:17pm


You've done all you can, now you walk away. Don't let her drag you down with her.

Color of Paper

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 171
Location: Long Beach, Ca

Posted: 02-15-07 15:08pm


A cutter is a cutter. There is a super good wiki on self-harm that really explains alot. Http://en.Wikipedia.Org/w iki/self-harm blaze is right...Its very hard to understand the motives of a cutter. Something that is true though, if you tend to do it in adolesence it mellows out as you become older. Many people will say even if its a scratch theres still a huge problem...Well I dont really agree with this. I've known many people though my life that say they have cut and been so depressed they've wanted to kill themselfs...Most of these people had scratches make by a knife or something...But nothing deep or anything that would scar. These people got over this in a few years, they gew up and becamse more "into" there adult lifes. Things change especially though the adolsent years. What im getting at is if she has some narly scars then yes there is something going on. Weather it be mentaly or physicaly it needs to be figured out. Now some insight on myself that might help. I'm a cutter...A serious one. I have really really bad scars across my torso, arms and legs. I know that if I didnt realize that I actually like the feeling I would have gone farther. Once I figued out why I was doing it and what was happening I really mellowed out. As you can see from a post just a few days ago in the bipolar section I was on a trip and wanted to cut very very very badly. Luckly I got invoeld with my mom, talked to some friends etc and was able to pass the day. Once you pass that day...You have time to prepare for the next onhawl. Wanting to cut is one thing....But not cutting while wanting to is another. This is the step she needs to take to really "stop" it. Best of luck ^_^

tinkinpink84

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Posted: 02-21-07 08:20am

happyfoosball wrote:

You've done all you can, now you walk away. Don't let her drag you down with her.

walking away is the worst you can do. its hard to find someone that wants to understand and help.
when i used to cut my ex who was my bf then got really upset , he would punch walls cuz well i dont know what went on in his head but it drove him crazy when i did that. my husband knows that i used to cut etc. he was supportive at first. but now says if i ever cut myself again he will divorce me wich i would never want . if she has no one else u need to be there for her. leaving her alone and depressed will just make everything that much more worse. u need a good suport system to recover. if everyone walked away from it it would do no good