I'm new, but whatever. Gotta start
somewhere on the boards.
About a month ago, I met a girl online by
complete accident. I had a picture of me
that was meant to hint that I was single
and seeking, and I came across an
interesting headline that basically said
that "nice guys were gone and if you think
you can prove me wrong let me know."
being the nice guy that I am I gave a
slightly humorous resonse establishing
that I have some nerdish tendancies but
know how to have a good time.
During the month, we decided upon multiple
times that we would meet; however, things
kept coming up for the both of us (life
crisis and such). Some of this was also
because we were both very hesitant about
meeting. At one point toward the end of
last week I decided to try to call things
off because I was so nervous. With this,
she changed her profile to put such a
strong emphasis on the word "single" that
I decided we should probably meet since we
wouldn't have responded to one another if
we weren't interested in something.
It wasn't until about a few days ago that
we met in person just to chat for a few.
The chat went well, but i've begun to
learn a few things about her that may make
her untouchable to me.
At the moment, she is very untrustworthy
of men. This is evident by her
unwillingness to meet on valentines day as
well as a couple of past experiences where
good friends have tried to rape her. I
can tell that she is sincere in building a
relationship with me, but I don't know how
to go about since she has some special
circumstances that make it difficult.
I want her to know that she can trust me
that I truly am not like them, but I don't
know how to go about it especially since
one of the incidents happened within the
past week. I could tell her that I was
almost raped by one of my ex's (and yes...
Girls do try to rape guys, it is a fact
that is often ignored). I don't know
what sort of a response that would get
though other than the fact that i'm not
interested in sex but rather an honest
relationship. I don't even know how to
go about arranging our next meet because
of the recent incident since I don't want
to seem too forceful, but at the same time
I don't want her to slip away from me
either.
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Spanky2005
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2005 Posts: 78 Location: Philadelphia
Posted: 02-17-07 00:46am
She's been through a lot and she is pretty
fragile right now.
My approach with her would be to just try
to win her over by being a great friend to
her.
Take her to dinner and a movie and be a
real gentleman. Once she has gotten to
know you better, things will change.
But until then, dont pressure her for
anything and just try to win her trust.
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RedDelight
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2006 Posts: 131 Location: I'm a Yettie!
Ahh.. alright. I am sorta in that spot
myself. I didn't know how many more spots
I could possible take on !![yes I made a
funny-those who know me or read posts know
what I am "talking" about]
But I'll be brief. I too have a
difficulty in trusting men. Talking,
knowing about them. I thought I did.. but
due to being a severe nerd..with buckteeth
until 10th grade..I got the chant of "the
ugly duck". Mainly from boyz with no
balls lol. Regardless, I put up a wall-
and had 1-5 male friends... not even. It
hurt me more than I realized.
She needs to gain trust. Big time, from
you. Be patient..gentleman *especially*!
That is wonderful that you are willing to
be there for her- I applaud you mucho on
that! If you don't see improvement after
a couple of dates.. at least 4-5...and
nothing has changed. Then maybe she needs
more assistance, than originally thought.
Next place... how about something fun-
like skating, or a pool hall,
interactive..with public around. Let her
get to know you better, she will probably
open up slowly..don't take offense to it.
As long as you notice a change from the
1st date, to the 3rd/4th. She wouldn't
of met with you the 1st time around- if
she wasn't interested
Good luck and have fun
-=Red=-
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atx1975
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 8 Location: Austin,Tx to San Diego, Ca
Posted: 02-23-07 18:57pm
I agree with missdepressed for the most
part, be patient if you really want her,
but also understand if what she went
through is really that serious she may
never snap back. Some people are damaged
goods for life and until they make the
decision to come back around they wont.
Nothing you do is going to change that,
SHE has to decide that, all you can do is
lay the groundwork.
