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ThriftyGal
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Apr 2006
Posts: 2982
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Ah.
Posted: 02-19-07 01:48am
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I haven't talked about this because I
(unreasonably) feel ashamed for feeling
this way but you guys i'm having the worst
time. I'm not happy at all. I feel
like I lie and fake how I think i'm
suppose to feel about my baby, or I just
say what I know people want to hear.
When people say stuff like "aren't babies
such joys"or "isn't motherhood so
rewarding" I just think how much i'm
hating it. I don't feel any of these
things. I thought it was just because
she was new, but it's been 6 weeks now and
I still feel like this. Every night
starting at like 5pm until like 12pm she
cries straight, and nothing will make it
better. She's always crying when she's
awake. I've never seen her awake for
more than 7 minutes without screaming up a
storm, it's just she spends so much time
sleeping before 5 that I can handle it.
But between 5 and 12 my head is just
pounding, and I just feel so sad and
drained. When I asked the dr he said
babies just tend to be fussy at night, and
that she will out grow it, but it's been
six weeks now and it's still just as bad.
I'm so careful about what I eat, so that
it doesn't upset her belly. I give her
ovol for in case it's cramps. I sit
around rocking her for literally hours,
and walking around the apartment with her.
Nothing helps it. Every night I fall
asleep crying because I just feel so
useless. I feel like I don't even get a
chance to enjoy her because of this.
That maybe if this wasn't happening I
wouldn't feel so bitter about being a mom.
In my head I know that she's a baby and
can't help it. But it's just too much,
to the point where I feel like I don't
even want to be a mom.
Whatever.
I don't know what posting about this is
going to accomplice but I just really felt
like telling someone I guess.
Good night ladies...
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Mother_Without_Child
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jun 2006
Posts: 30
Location: Windsor, Canada
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Posted: 02-19-07 01:56am
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Dont werrie it will get better. My sis
kids where the same. If you have some one
to come over and sit with her so you can
get away for a bit. Have you tryed huming
a song when you rock her. That help my
sis out
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ladylee70
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 1912
Location: Boise, Idaho,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 02-19-07 02:21am
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You are so normal! Thank goodness you
are not a fake, happy go lucky person.
Thanks for being honest on here. I am
sure this email makes other people not
feel so alone. The first two or three
months were so hard. I felt like a baby
milking machine!! I was tired, grumpy
and just not a joy to be around.
Your baby does sound like she cries a lot.
That would be extremely difficult. You
really sound like you are doing what you
can. Can you get a second opinion? Are
you nursing or giving formula?? I am
sure you have thought about everything; I
am just curious.
I am so sorry!! Hugs to you and your
baby!
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littlesqueaks
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2006
Posts: 296
Location: Caldwell, Idaho
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Posted: 02-19-07 03:02am
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Some babies are naturally full of gas. Do
you make sure after feeding that you get
at least 2 good size burps from her before
lying her down? Try placing your fore arm
into her abdomen and bouncing her gently
this allows pressure to her abdomen which
will help relieve gas. Another way is to
place her on the floor on her back and
slowly bend her legs towards her abdomen
area. During her fussy times would also
be a good time for a warm bath while she
lays in the bath bend her legs to her
abdomen as well. These are different
tricks that we use at the daycare that I
work for and they seem to help babies that
are gasy. If you know that she has just
ate and you don't think that it is time
for her to eat again try to get her to
pass gas some how and see if this helps.
It might not be anything that you have
eaten it might be just her. Do you drink
lots of milk by any chance or eat alot of
greens? Well I hope that I have helped
some.
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Jules
Supporter
Joined: 19 Aug 2006
Posts: 3840
Location: Merrie Englande, UK
Thanks: 91
Thanked:77
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Posted: 02-19-07 03:31am
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Tanya, you are completely normal. I
remember when my son was that tiny, it
felt like I spent all night
feeding/burping/changing/feeding/burping/c
hanging etc and he just would not sleep.
I can remember just sitting there in my
room, crying my eyes out because I felt so
bloody exhausted and there seemed to be no
end in sight. I truly thought my son
hated me and that was why he was so
fussy.
This phase did pass but it was very hard
to deal with at the time. Also, you've
got the added complication of the fact you
were going to have .Rowan adopted but that
didn't work out so part of you might be
feeling, "i shouldn't even be doing
this!".
If you really start to feel like things
are getting too much for you, please go
and see your doctor because to suffer
alone is just awful.
As for .Rowan's screaming fits, I used
.Infacol with my son which seemed to help.
As did sitting him on my knee and
bouncing him up and down. Also, turning
the radio on to between stations so you
just get the "shhhhhh" white noise was
very soothing for him.
Keep on venting on here, you're not alone.
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Sail Away
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Oct 2006
Posts: 1170
Location: Missouri
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Posted: 02-19-07 04:15am
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Awww babe i'm so sorry your feeling this
way but it is normal. She's still new and
I promise that by time it will get better,
it gets so much better the older they get.
She could be colic or something like that,
try running water when she won't quit
crying. I remember my nights with brayden
and they were the same as what your
explaining, but i cant imagine how hard it
is to be breastfeeding too. Running water
always soothed brayden though and if he
really didnt calm down i'd put in his
lullaby cd. Maybe you should download some
of those off the internet and just sing to
her, Brayden really likes it when I sing
to him. Or try rubbing her belly or lay
her down on your chest and rub her back.
Do you know if it's gas or something?
=( Poor girls!!!! I love you guys.
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006
Posts: 3165
Location: Vacationland, USA,
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Posted: 02-19-07 07:38am
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It's too bad that you are feeling that
way.Tanya, but like the others say, it's
normal. My daughter screeched for hours
upon hours. I too felt useless and like
something was wrong with me. The fact
that you are talking about it makes you a
wonderful mother.
Talk to your pediatrican and maybe they
can give you some advice on feeding, or
soothing techniques.
Good luck to you.
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tinkinpink84
Supporter
Joined: 11 Sep 2006
Posts: 5070
Location: , Germany
Thanks: 3
Thanked:6
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Posted: 02-19-07 08:14am
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I was that same way with my son, he was on
formula though, he didnt start the crying
until almost 8 weeks though he would
scream non stop from 11pm to 5am. I tried
everything and anything, I was sooooooo
exhausted and worn out, I did live with my
parents but I never asked them for help,
my mom did offer advice , as did everyone
else. After 2 mths he finally was a
normal baby. I really dont even know how
I made it those 2 mths of screaming but I
did, with jordynne I still got exhausted
to the point of crying but I also knew how
to handle it better after dealing through
the worst with joseph. Gripe water seemed
to help the best it soothes the tummy.
With jordynne I ended up switching to
formul aand she hardly ever cries except
when she was constipated and she fallas
asleep around 9pm and wake sup 4am to eat
and is back out till 8 or 9am. I spent 5
weeks dealing with the screaming before I
switched though.
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Posts: 6492
Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 02-19-07 10:03am
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tanya it's totally normal. there are days
I still feel like that.
The first 5-6 months were pure hell for
me. I kept putting on a damn smile and
saying "oh ya I love him mhm" when in my
head all I could think of was, I hate
this!!!!!
6 weeks is not a long time sweetie but it
sure feels like it when you are exhausted
and have to take care of a crying child.
How is your friend handling motherhood?
Have you talked to her about it too?
I found what helped me was joining some
mom and baby groups. HAve you called your
local health centre to see what kind of
resources they offer??
Right now too Rowan is probably going
through a grwoth spurt which makes things
harder.
U have my #, call me if you need to.
collect if needed.
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Posts: 6806
Location: Florida
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Posted: 02-19-07 10:17am
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girl I gotta give you props! You are a
great mother and I know your trying your
hardest to do the best thing for your lil
girl.I think you have more pateince than I
would and for that I think your great! It
will pass ans like jess said,join some
mommy baby groups and you will feel
better! ((hugs))
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005
Posts: 5261
Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
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Posted: 02-19-07 10:28am
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I felt like that for the first 4-6 weeks
with Chu. I didn't like being a mother
and I felt like a failure because all he
ever did was cry and I couldn't get him to
stop no matter what I tried. Maybe
there's an underlying reason for the
crying. I would pester the doctor until I
found out whether or not there was a
medical reason for the crying. In Chu's
case he wasn't getting enough to eat with
my breastmilk because my supply was
steadily decreasing. I tried everything I
could to increase my supply, more frequent
feedings, fenugreek, etc. My doctor ended
up recommending that I mix a pinch of
cereal into my breastmilk and feed it to
him. That worked until my supply dried up
and we had to switch to formula. Anyhoo,
the point of that whole long story is to
not accept that some babies just cry
viciously for no reason. Make sure that
there is nothing physically wrong with
her.
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candita_sky
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 02 May 2006
Posts: 522
Location: in the land of pooh bear
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Posted: 02-19-07 11:00am
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aww hun i wished i lived closer so i could
give you a break my 2nd child went thru
that she had colic plus allergic reaction
to her formula so i sswithched to lacto
free formula and gave her millacon drops
for gas and also prune juice for babies
that is what the er nurse and dr told me
to try .
you are not a bad mom you are a good one
you new to vent on here and not on your
lil one so do not feel bad hun we are all
here for you.
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Posts: 6492
Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 02-19-07 11:22am
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aww love I am really sorry to hear about
this. I know how you feel and i have a
'good' baby. it's just really hard
sometimes and i feel like throwing in the
towel....but i know i can't. I want to
tell you it will pass....but everybaby is
different. I need a huge break i need
someone to take .Melia for a night or two
but i can't get that and sometime i just
don't think i can do it anylonger. but
i just have to hold on and it does get
rewarding.
i hope that everything works out for you.
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AyaMiyaki
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2006
Posts: 8536
Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
Thanks: 217
Thanked:15
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Posted: 02-19-07 13:22pm
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| Mother_Without_Child
wrote: | | Dont werrie it will get
better. |
no offense, and .i'm really trying not to
be a b|tch here, but this doesn't help. If
you've never had a child, you have no idea
what she's going through. Saying "it'll
get better" does not help her at all.
My best friend, who has never had a child
and has never dealt with newborns at all,
tells me "don't worry" and "it'll get
better" all the time, and it angers me
off. It's not supportive, it's
patronizing. She has no idea what it is I
go through. She doesn't know if it's
normal, why .alyvia does what she does, or
how to either fix it or help me cope.
Saying "don't worry" is dismissive and
implies that the situation isn't very
important.
It is absolute hell for a new mother to deal
with a screaming infant and not know what
to do. We're told all the time by other
people what miracles we have, how precious
they are, and behind closed doors we're
struggling to breathe. This isn't a mild
concern, like a strange rattling sound
when the car is idling. This is a very
real, very raw state of mind. "Don't
worry"? Really? How is that helping her?
This came out much harsher than I meant it
to. I'm sorry. I'm sensitive lately, it
seems.
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Posts: 6492
Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 02-19-07 13:24pm
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| AyaMiyaki
wrote: |
My best friend, who has never had a child
and has never dealt with newborns at all,
tells me "don't worry" and "it'll get
better" all the time, and it angers me
off. It's not supportive, it's
patronizing. She has no idea what it is I
go through. She doesn't know if it's
normal, why .alyvia does what she does, or
how to either fix it or help me cope.
Saying "don't worry" is dismissive and
implies that the situation isn't very
important.
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It drives me nuts when my non-parent
friends try to tell me what to do. I know
they mean well but untill they've lived
it. feck off. lol
no offense to anyone here.
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 02-19-07 13:53pm
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| lil_blaze2004
wrote: | | AyaMiyaki
wrote: |
My best friend, who has never had a child
and has never dealt with newborns at all,
tells me "don't worry" and "it'll get
better" all the time, and it angers me
off. It's not supportive, it's
patronizing. She has no idea what it is I
go through. She doesn't know if it's
normal, why .alyvia does what she does, or
how to either fix it or help me cope.
Saying "don't worry" is dismissive and
implies that the situation isn't very
important.
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It drives me nuts when my non-parent
friends try to tell me what to do. I know
they mean well but untill they've lived
it. feck off. lol
no offense to anyone
here. |
i agree wholeheartedly.......I am having a
hell of a time with my little one. just
trying to stick in there is hard
enough....but for my baby's sake i have
too....
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Bridget
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 10834
Location: ,
Thanks: 63
Thanked:42
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Posted: 02-19-07 14:01pm
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tanya, i'm sorry i don't have any helpful
advice but i do hope things get better for
you soon. despite your frustrations it
still sounds like you're doing an
*awesome* job.
we love you!
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