Ending a Relationship Forum - Hi All I Am New to This Forum


Hi All I Am New to This Forum

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gottagetout

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 5

Hi All I Am New to This Forum Posted: 02-26-07 14:19pm


I am a 31 year old professional woman that has been in a relationship with an abusive man for almost 3 years. I am ready to end this relationship but he will not leave. He knows how unhappy I am and doesn't care. We go on that roller coaster trip one day good relationship the other bad based on his mood. I amd the sole provider. Everything is my mine the place we live at. he is on the lease but I pay all or most the bills. He doesn't contribute to anything and he is emotionally and mentally abusive. The only thing that keeps me sane is my dancing. I try to drown myself in all things dance so I don't lose my complete identity and become that awful depressed person he wants me to be because he is. Is there any help for me out there. I know the law will not get involved unless there is clear evidence of physical abuse. I also know that he will not leave if I ask him because I have in the past. What are my options? There aren't any kids involved only a small dog. I also feel that I shouldn't have to leave the place because everything in there is mine.

gottagetout

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 5

Posted: 02-27-07 13:09pm


WOw is there anyone to offer advice out there?

gottagetout

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 5

Posted: 02-27-07 13:09pm


WOw is there anyone to offer advice out there?

macchick_ca

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 03 Oct 2006
Posts: 1
Location: Toronto

to Gottaget Out Posted: 02-27-07 15:19pm


First of all, let me say, it's sooo easy for me to sit here and give you my advice.....I understand that completely....so here goes. You are a professional woman, you are the sole provider, you pay most of the bills and everything is yous.....so why is he there? You guys don't have children...and that's a huge bonus....does he have any family that you can talk to? Someone that can help him realize the relationship is over and he needs to move out and move on? You sound like a very intelligent woman and you certainly deserve to be happy. I wish I could help more..... Good luck!

DPantelones

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Joined: 11 Jan 2007
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Posted: 03-05-07 13:59pm


Sorry to hear about your troubles ggo, but macchick is right, count yourself lucky you don't have kids! As for getting him out, go to your local police and explain the situation if that's what it takes. Get them to turn in a restraining order (or tell you how to do it), let him know you mean business. If you're his meal ticket, or if he loves you at all, it'll be tough to get him out of your life if that's what you want, but it will be worth it in the end. You can't live like that so do what you have to do and do it NOW!

change is good

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 18 Jan 2007
Posts: 112
Location: Mesa AZ.,

Posted: 03-07-07 12:49pm


hi and welcome to ehealth! you can search on line for support groups or lawyers. type in domestic violence and there should be plenty to choose from. sometimes they are even listed by state. you don't mention the word love anywhere. just that you are in a relationship. i would suggest leaving the relationship. he probably won't change. you deserve to be treated better. i know a little about abusers. you are not to blame. best of luck

depressed-doll

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 07 Mar 2007
Posts: 10
Location: UK

Re: Hi All I Am New to This Forum
Posted: 03-07-07 13:05pm

gottagetout wrote:

I am a 31 year old professional woman that has been in a relationship with an abusive man for almost 3 years.

I am ready to end this relationship but he will not leave. He knows how unhappy I am and doesn't care. We go on that roller coaster trip one day good relationship the other bad based on his mood.

I amd the sole provider. Everything is my mine the place we live at. he is on the lease but I pay all or most the bills. He doesn't contribute to anything and he is emotionally and mentally abusive. The only thing that keeps me sane is my dancing. I try to drown myself in all things dance so I don't lose my complete identity and become that awful depressed person he wants me to be because he is.

Is there any help for me out there. I know the law will not get involved unless there is clear evidence of physical abuse. I also know that he will not leave if I ask him because I have in the past.

What are my options? There aren't any kids involved only a small dog. I also feel that I shouldn't have to leave the place because everything in there is mine.

wow! im new to this forum too. can someone talk to me? i need a friend

DPantelones

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Joined: 11 Jan 2007
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Re: Hi All I Am New to This Forum
Posted: 03-07-07 15:43pm

depressed-doll wrote:

gottagetout wrote:

wow! im new to this forum too. can someone talk to me? i need a friend

Depresseddoll, talk away! You can use a new thread (so as not to take away from an existing topic) or use the private message thing too! If you need any help, I'd be happy to....
D

RedDelight

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 06 Oct 2006
Posts: 131
Location: I'm a Yettie!

Re: Hi All I Am New to This Forum
Posted: 03-14-07 08:51am

gottagetout wrote:

I swear I just heard a car screech to a halt while I read this!! what???
Screw him! Just based off of you knowing he doesn't care- then leave him to himself. You don't need this baggage. Yes, you are used to this- it doesn't mean you have to stay for more!

He won't leave? Then you *make* him leave. Take the day off, move his stuff outside. I bet since you own the house, he has no entitlement to the apartment. Change the locks and have a police man escort him out. Once you do this- don't look back- only ahead. Don't take his calls, letters, flowers- nothing. Enough is enough- you do not treat someone that you love badly. No matter what. That is sick and twisted, and he is just going to pull you down to his depression.

The law *can* be involved- especially if he is not welcomed.. and not married or on the lease- kick him out. Tell the police that you are in fear for your safety and would like him escorted out of your apartment. Tell them he is not on the lease, and has no finanical ties with you, and is abusive- and that is why you need him escorted out.

You are right- you do *not* have to leave. *He* does. People can not jsut go around beating the sh*t out of each other.. and the police *can* get envolved. Don't let him brainwash you any further-- I had to do it myself.

I'm here if you need support. Feel free to PM me .A.N.Y. time!!

-=Red=-

lil_blaze2004

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Joined: 29 Oct 2004
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Posted: 03-14-07 09:28am


I was kind of in the same predicament except not the abuse part. My ex would not leave my house. I lived there first and most of the stuff was mine. There is a child involved in this though and after 6 months of me telling him to leave, I left. It sucks that I had to leave my place (although for health reasons for our son it was good that i did) I understand this is your place and stuff but if you are really sick of it, then take your stuff and go.