Hi All I Am New to This Site Posted: 02-26-07 15:26pm
I am a 31 year old professional woman that
has been in a relationship with an abusive
man for almost 3 years.
I am ready to end this relationship but he
will not leave. He knows how unhappy I am
and doesn't care. We go on that roller
coaster trip one day good relationship the
other bad based on his mood.
I amd the sole provider. Everything is my
mine the place we live at. He is on the
lease but I pay all or most the bills. He
doesn't contribute to anything and he is
emotionally and mentally abusive. The only
thing that keeps me sane is my dancing. I
try to drown myself in all things dance so
I don't lose my complete identity and
become that awful depressed person he
wants me to be because he is.
Is there any help for me out there. I know
the law will not get involved unless there
is clear evidence of physical abuse. I
also know that he will not leave if I ask
him because I have in the past.
What are my options? There aren't any kids
involved only a small dog. I also feel
that I shouldn't have to leave the place
because everything in there is mine. I
just called him and told him I wanted to
break up. He hung up on me
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Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 388 Location: Canada
Posted: 02-27-07 06:06am
First of all, you are better off than a
lot of people in similar circumstances,
ie. no children and no mortgage
involved.....................these are
huge and can be the result of many
discussions.................
Let me ask you this, "Do you want to be
back here in 10 years, posting "I am a 41
year old........?" Even if you feel you
may not be strong enough yet to make the
final decision.................my advice
is to set the wheels in
motion..........................as far as
I know, if he shares the lease and there's
no threat of physical
harm....................you have but one
option................and that is to move
out. Having said
that...............research new places,
get emotional support - friends and
family, don't worry about your
stuff..............stuff is just
stuff............but if your really
attached to somethings...........research
putting in storage, store at friends
place, or a plan to do a massive clean out
come moving day..................keep all
your receipts in a safe
place............in case ownership is
questioned..............etc
No you shouldn't have to leave a place
that is yours..............but do you
value your sanity more than a piece of
property? It's about empowering
yourself................even if it takes a
year or two to make the final
move............at least you gave yourself
an out and you'll feel stronger mentally
and
physically.........................Keep
dancing!
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change is good
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 112 Location: Mesa AZ.,
Posted: 02-27-07 07:41am
gottagetout
how right you are. i am a reforming
abuser. take it from me, he is not going
to change as long as he is still treating
you this way. nobody deserves to be
treated the way he is treating you. you
have to think about yourself, he's not.
leave as soon as possible, before he gets
physical.
don't allow yourself to be treated this
way. you have recognized the abuse and now
you must stop it. take care of yourself.
your feelings are important and so is
everything about you.
there are plenty of options available to
you. check on line and end the cycle as
soon as you can.
best wishes and best of luck to you.
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gottagetout
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Feb 2007 Posts: 5
Posted: 02-27-07 13:15pm
Thanks I have been told time and time
again that I have to get up and move. I
told him yesterday that I wanted to break
up and he said well break up then. Just
so sickening I can't stand it. No it
doesn't get physical now but it has in the
past I think we both know to keep our
hands to ourselves or it will get very
ugly.
You are are correct I don't want to be
crying the same song 10 years from now. I
will just take my time like mentioned.
Try to deal in the meantime but keep my
mind sent on getting out. I figured I
would give myself another year in this
state before I move again I know if I move
out of this state he will not want to go
because he loves it here.
I was wondering if I should start seeing
other people. Maybe he will get it and
leave.
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change is good
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 112 Location: Mesa AZ.,
Posted: 02-27-07 14:26pm
perhaps you can start seeing other people,
but make sure you are okay. you don't want
to repeat this pattern with someone new.
take care of yourself first. i hope this
helps
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Auzzie_Wanting_To_Help
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Feb 2007 Posts: 214 Location: Australia
Posted: 04-15-07 04:30am
gottagetout
wrote:
Thanks I have been told time
and time again that I have to get up and
move. I told him yesterday that I wanted
to break up and he said well break up
then. Just so sickening I can't stand it.
No it doesn't get physical now but it has
in the past I think we both know to keep
our hands to ourselves or it will get very
ugly.
You are are correct I don't want to be
crying the same song 10 years from now. I
will just take my time like mentioned.
Try to deal in the meantime but keep my
mind sent on getting out. I figured I
would give myself another year in this
state before I move again I know if I move
out of this state he will not want to go
because he loves it here.
I was wondering if I should start seeing
other people. Maybe he will get it and
leave.
Hey gottogetout!
First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about
your situation, it must be really taking
its toll on you!
To spirit - she has every right to take
everything that is hers! Why should she
leave all the things that shes worked so
hard for in her life to attain to just
give it away to someone that has treated
her badly??? I would be taking everything
of mine that I could!!
gottogetout - I am guessing the reason
that he doesn't care that you want to
break up is because he doesnt think it
will "actually" happen. I would suggest
that you follow through with your wishes
and find yourself a nice place and set all
your belongings up there. He will be left
with nothing but that is maybe what will
give him a reality check! I really do wish
you all the very best with your situation
and keep us updated!!
