arcadia
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2006
Posts: 4470
Location: Illinois,
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Your Advice, Please!
Posted: 03-02-07 00:54am
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okay. i know most of you know about my
family situation. my parents are both
crazed alcoholics. now, since .i'm about
to pop this baby out, i started thinking
about when i go into labor.. what if i go
into labor, & i need to go to the
hospital at like 10 or 11pm or later? this
is prime time for my mom to be absolutely,
completely, undoubtedly, horrifically
trashed. it never fails. &
.it's literally every single night. i
really want my mom to be there at the
hospital, & i know she, of course,
wants to be there, too. but there's no way
she'll be able to come if she's completely
drunk. she won't be able to drive, for
one. & 2nd, i don't want her in the
room if she's smashed, ya know? i need to
sit down & talk to her about it &
tell her if she wants to be there for the
birth of her grandson, she can't drink at
night. because .i'm afraid it's going to
be a big problem. but i don't exactly know
how to go about it, because it's a really
touchy subject. she's an alcoholic in
every sense of the word. she's in complete
denial & doesn't think she has any
type of problem. if anyone ever brings it
up to her she gets really defensive &
really upset & ends up crying &
just being pissed off. so i don't really
know how to word what i need to tell
her..
any suggestions on how i should go about
talking to her? or what i might say? i
don't want to hurt her feelings, but i
need to get my point across.
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An-Rika
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Feb 2007
Posts: 64
Location: South Africa
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Posted: 03-02-07 01:12am
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caca tough one!! I think that if she
really cares about her grandson that she
will most propably understand were you are
coming from... Maybe not from the
beginning but if she thinks it over shell
realise that this is important to her
daughter and she would do her best...? I
dont know your family but I know how hard
it is... Try and talk when she is sober
and tell her that it will really mean alot
to you if she were there for the birth of
your son and without her it wouldnt be the
same... I dont know!!!! You know your mom
better than anyone else youll know what to
say when the time comes...
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NiCKiDEE5206
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Jan 2007
Posts: 207
Location: Port Saint Lucie, Florida
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Re: Your Advice, Please!
Posted: 03-02-07 01:19am
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I had a similiar problem a few months ago
except it was with drugs and I got really
sick and tired of my mom getting all
drugged up everynight and making a scene
in public. I never really knew how to talk
to my mom to where she would understand
and see how I felt. So I sat down with my
mom and told her how I felt and how much
it hurts seeing my mom all on drugs. She
told me it was none of my business but I
knew deep down she cared. Then I started
crying and I told her if she had any
feelings for me she'd stop completely. So
I would just sit her down and explain to
her what's been going on. She might not
understand at first but trust me, if you
tell her you love her and you really want
her to be there for you when your in
labor, she'd stop. She loves you a lot I'm
sure and she'd do anything to make you
happy. I hope this helps. I tried, because
I can totally understand what your going
through
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onmyway_0x
Supporter
Joined: 12 Jan 2007
Posts: 759
Location: Canada
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Posted: 03-02-07 01:36am
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that is a toughie! it's easy to say "oh
just talk to her" but when someone is
dependant on alcohol it could make her
feel like the whole world is against her
because someone asks her to refrain from
drinking for a bit. I'm so sorry you have
to deal with that extra stress on top of
being so close to having your boy!
Obviously you have to say something to her
hun, you have to be firm, this is your
child birth and a family member being
there and being drunk is absolutely not
something you should have to deal with
when the time comes, nor shoudl you have
to worry about that at all. Let her know ,
without being judgemental (as hard as that
is...l i know!) that you won't accept it
when gabe's on his way. I'm sure it will
hurt her a bit, but before she goes on a
tirade because she doesn't like the
subject , let her know how it makes you
feel that you even have to discuss this
with her. I hope maybe that helps a bit,
just be strong and just remind yourself
that the best thing that will ever happen
to you is getting really really close! and
if she's in a position where she can't
stop until he comes, remember it will be a
beautiful joyous experience with or
without her, even though I'm sure you'd
much more prefer her there. stand your
ground you have every right to want the
people who are with you during the birth
of your son to be sober.
good luck. i hope all turns out good and
try to stay positive!
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Posts: 6806
Location: Florida
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Posted: 03-02-07 07:49am
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Well I think like tha first person said if
you sit her down while she's sober and
explain to her what you just said
here.your scared that you'll go into labor
and have no one to tak you to the
hospital.tell her you really want her to
be there and be sober for the experience
of her grandson being born and you know
she woldn't want to miss it and ask her if
she will stop drinking for you until he is
here.if she goes off on you,tell her it
hurts you that she doesn't are enough
about you or her grandson to stop and see
what she says.other than that hun i'm not
sure.I know how hard it is to talk to an
alcoholic about their problem. . .good
luck and tell us what happened!
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005
Posts: 5261
Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
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Posted: 03-02-07 08:10am
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I know how you feel. This is probably
going to be one of the toughest things
that you'll ever have to do. Maybe start
by asking her who is going to drive you to
the hospital when you go into labor. Then
when she says that she will tell her that
she can't if she's been drinking. I don't
know kind of make it seem like you've
never considered her as a ride because she
drinks every night. I don't know, I'm no
good at this tactful crap, I usually just
say exactly what I feel whether it hurts
feelings or not... If it were me I'd just
say if you keep drinking you can't come
because I don't know when this baby is
coming and I can't afford to take any
chances. I need to arrive at the hospital
in one piece and I don't want to be
embarrassed by your drunken behavior in
the hospital. But that sounds pretty bad.
Sorry, I'm no help. But I tried 
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Emma2
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2006
Posts: 4406
Location: Montreal, Canada
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Posted: 03-02-07 08:12am
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oh god K im so sorry....i dont know your
mom and how she takes serious talks but
its worth the shot...no she wont be able
to drive you and no i wouldnt want my
mother smashed falling over everything and
saying weird stuff slurring her words
either....try to talk to her ...worse case
scenerio you call a cab girl....labor is
progressive and hardly ever like in the
movies where she gives birth 10 minuters
later...you have time...hugs!
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Magical Logic
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006
Posts: 2248
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Posted: 03-02-07 08:38am
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talking from experience....no matter what
you say to her is gonna make her upset
since she is in denial so might as well
just tell her how you feel.
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Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 7276
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Posted: 03-02-07 11:55am
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dude video tape her when shes crocked.. do
it for a few days to get the point across
that it isnt a *social thing* and that she
really has a problem.. show her when shes
sober how she acts.. and tell her you
refuse to have that around .Gabe. Also say
that you hate watching her kill herself
(because thats exactly what shes doing.)
ALso let her know that you want her to be
sober at night incase you go into labor
because you want her to be able to be the
first person you come to if it happens.
(that may not be true but it will
definately help i think.)
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candita_sky
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 02 May 2006
Posts: 522
Location: in the land of pooh bear
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Posted: 03-02-07 11:56am
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maybe have all the people that love her be
there for support kinda like an
intervention if possible??? sorry hun kids
shouldnt have to raise there parents ( not
saying you are a kid in that phrase but
your moms kid)
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Nataliachick7
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Apr 2006
Posts: 1535
Location: Wisconsin
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Posted: 03-02-07 12:01pm
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i would not beat around the bush. she is
an alcoholic and i would tell her that. i
would say that she is about to be a
grandmother and you dont want your child
being around that. she has a choice. she
can try to get help and quit or she can
continue to be an alchoholic and be a bad
influence for her new grandchild. i would
never get in a car with someone who had
even one drink.
maybe i am a little to blunt for some
peoples liking but i dont play games. i
would tell them straight up that i dont
want that around my child. i realize its a
hard addiction but if you want it bad
enough you will change.
if she is so in denial maybe she needs to
see her drunk self on film. i did that to
my mom once, she isnt an alcoholic but
when she did drink she became a total
retard and made a fool out of herself and
she didnt belive it until she saw it on
camera.
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chicagocole24
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Feb 2007
Posts: 43
Location: illinois
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Mother In Law
Posted: 03-02-07 12:04pm
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my mother in law is same way and when my
sister in law went into labor, my sister
in law said absolutly said no alcohol the
whole time you are here...... If you dont
respect this, you will need to go home
until you can.... Im am sure my mother in
law snuck some but we all keep a close eye
on her (all the family) so she couldnt get
ahold of it. just tell her that as soon
as ou feel your first contraction she
needs to stop drinking that way by the
time you go into labor she should be
sober.
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chicagocole24
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Feb 2007
Posts: 43
Location: illinois
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Also
Posted: 03-02-07 12:27pm
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make sure she knows that this is about you
and the baby...not about her, so she an
get mad but you love her and just
concerned
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Lucilu
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Jan 2007
Posts: 120
Location: Ca
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Posted: 03-02-07 13:05pm
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My mom had a drug problem and she ended up
leaving my when i was 14 and came back
when i was 18, i would always tell her
that she had problems and she would get do
mad and she would leave and come back and
things would be okay for a day then the
same thing, no matter what you say to them
there are still going to do what they want
they dont care about anyone but themselves
and their high or their drink. but you
know my mom ended up missing out when i
was growing up and she can never get those
years back and i hate her for that but she
probably hates herself now too, she has
been clean for going on 4 years i think.
you have to let them decidide if they want
to stop. but just tell her how it is dont
worry about hurting her feelings cause im
sure she has hurt your feelings before .
.. 
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006
Posts: 3165
Location: Vacationland, USA,
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Posted: 03-02-07 13:24pm
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It sucks that you have to do it, but I
would sit her down when she is sober and
explain to her that you want her there if
she is sober, but if she's drunk you
don't. I don't think your hospital would
allow her to be there if she is smashed,
so you can take it completely off yourself
and tell her that.
I wouldn't rag at her or lecture her,
chances are she knows she has a problem,
but isn't willing to deal with it yet. Be
respectful of her feelings, as I'm sure
you will.
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Idony
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2006
Posts: 1611
Location: virginia beach, va usa
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Posted: 03-02-07 16:13pm
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i dont really knwo what to say that could
help you because i dont know your mum or
anything and all the general things have
already been said
but i just wanted to say, i hope it works
out and she gets the point without too
many problems and you have her there for
you when you need her
if things turn out not well im here for
you (as im sure veryone is) you dont have
to do it alone *hugs*
~alicia~
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 03-02-07 16:23pm
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do you live with your mum?
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arcadia
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2006
Posts: 4470
Location: Illinois,
Thanks: 1
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Posted: 03-02-07 18:43pm
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yeppp.
me & .chris live with my parents for
the time-being. i know .chris will be able
to take me to the hospital, so .i'm not
worried about that. i just really want her
to be there & i know she wants to be
there, too. it'd break her heart if she
missed the birth of her first grandbaby.
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 03-02-07 18:54pm
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| arcadia
wrote: | yeppp.
me & .chris live with my parents for
the time-being. i know .chris will be able
to take me to the hospital, so .i'm not
worried about that. i just really want her
to be there & i know she wants to be
there, too. it'd break her heart if she
missed the birth of her first
grandbaby. |
I just wanted to tell you that when you
talk to her you need to mention that she
needs to stop drinking so that she can
enjoy her grandson's life.
I hope that she understands.
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