Joined: 02 Mar 2007 Posts: 27 Location: Paramount, CA, 90723 US
Anyone Been Molested Or Raped And Finding It Hard to Cope? Posted: 03-02-07 21:12pm
I was at least seven when it began. My
biological father molested me until I
turned 18 and moved out of the situation
myself. Where was my Mother you ask?
There... physically but not at all
mentally. There were times were my Father
would be raping me while she slept pissy
drunk right next to us. I have so many
horrible memories of hundreds of occasions
where these things happened. Now, at the
age of 24 I have issues with depression,
suicidal thoughts, and just feelings of
worthlessness. And to top it off, i was
just diagnosed with a rare muscle disease.
Im all messed up. I need some hope. I look
to God, but it seems he only hears you
when its too late. When youve completely
given up. I remember asking on several
occasions in my prayers for him to help my
Father see what pain he was actaully
causing. That realization never came. Im
just going on and on as sort of an outlet
so that I dont explode!! Can anyne relate?
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littlesqueaks
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 296 Location: Caldwell, Idaho
Posted: 03-02-07 22:09pm
I can not relate but I think you need to
seek help. To never get out that this has
happened to you and to give your father a
slap in the face for what he has done to
you I think it may just eat you alive
forever. You should really talk to a
councelor or even maybe someone from your
shurch that you can trust. Your father
needs to know what he has done was wrong
it's not good to let him get away with it.
I know you are now out of that situation
but what is he finds another inocent child
to place harm upon. I know you would not
want to see that happen. I understand that
this would be very difficult for you to do
but you pulled your srtength together to
get out from under that now try to get the
strength to speak to someone about it to
bring it to a close as much as possible.
If you just need to vent to someone you
can always PM me at anytime I will listen.
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Auzzie_Wanting_To_Help
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Feb 2007 Posts: 214 Location: Australia
Posted: 03-02-07 22:22pm
Hey, I also can not relate to you but I
also really want to help you. What you
have endured can be one of the worst
things that anyone has to go through,
especially when the person causing it is a
loved one and someone that is supposed to
protect you. I am in agreeance with the
HeatherCarl in the fact that you need to
talk to someone....whether it be your mum,
counsellor, a trusted friend, church
friend etc
It really makes me mad hearing things like
this, it makes you wonder why they do it
and how they cant see its wrong?? I would
really urge you to come forward and tell
the police so hopefully it will not happen
to someone else.
Anytime you want to talk, Im here for you!
I wish you all the best in trying to get
your life back on track!!
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jason2jr
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Mar 2007 Posts: 27 Location: Paramount, CA, 90723 US
I Did Something About It But Why Doi Have Guilt? Posted: 03-02-07 22:37pm
I did eventually prosecute and he went to
jail for 3 years. I do not regret doing it
but I have felt guilt a while he was in.
He was in my dreams making me believe it
was somehow my fault that this happened
and I was wrong for making him suffer. He
told he he didnt belong there. The hardest
part was facing him at the trial. I
attempted suicide soon after. Not to
mention most of my family disowned me
including my nother. When he got out, my
Mother even let him back in her home!
I have seeked counseling and i helps but
they can never tell me how I feel because
that havent been what ive been through.
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Auzzie_Wanting_To_Help
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Feb 2007 Posts: 214 Location: Australia
Posted: 03-02-07 22:56pm
Yeah I totally agree, its always better to
be talking to someone that has been
through it. I do congratulate you for
prosecuting your father as it would have
been such a hard thing to do! It also
makes me angry that he was found guilty
and only got 3 .Y.E.A.R.S?!?! He has given
you a life sentence!
Your mother is probably still in denial
and doesnt want to admit that she believes
your father did it to you. It is very hard
for people to accept that family members
are not always good people!
Is there any support groups around where
you are that deal with rape/molestation??
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chicagocole24
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Feb 2007 Posts: 43 Location: illinois
Wow Posted: 03-03-07 00:47am
I am so sorry you had to go through that,
I cant even imagine. My heart goes out to
you. Have you been to maybe a group where
others have been through the same thing.
It always helps to know your not alone.
Maybe you could use your experiences to
help other girls in your situation.
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Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 03-03-07 07:03am
You absolutely did the right thing by
prosecuting him and sending him to
jail!..................he should have got
more than 3 years and your mother is
culpable too.................parents are
supposed to protect and love their
children...........not to make their lives
miserable. It's necessary to talk to a
trusted person............whoever you
choose............for those times when you
need to talk it out.....and yes, every
rape victim is a different
experience..........no one can truly
understand what you've been through. You
may find another who is a victim of incest
too.........but it's never the
same............you have your own personal
nightmares.......your own pain.
It's also necessary not to drowned in the
past or as you say have
"hope"...........where does hope
start?..........by taking control of your
life.............by making things
happen.............don't know where to
start?...............pick someone you've
always admired and learn everything about
this person
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jason2jr
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Mar 2007 Posts: 27 Location: Paramount, CA, 90723 US
Thanx So Much... Posted: 03-06-07 22:51pm
To everyone that has commented and took
the time to give me positive feed
back...THANK YOU!! I really appreciate it
and it really means alot to someone like
me that hasnt had very much positive feed
back at all.
As for support groups, I havent really
looked into that but that really seems
like something that could help. And I
would love to inspire or help someone that
has been through the same thing I have or
that is possibly still going through it.
Tell the truth though, I expected more
people to have actually experienced what I
been through. I sometimes feel like Im the
only one, but I guess in a weird way,
thats a good thing, Huh?
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nsantora36
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2007 Posts: 15
Posted: 03-20-07 12:02pm
i can relate to you very well. i was
molested by my brother for 5 or 6 years.
what makes situations like ours more
difficult is the involvement of our actual
family - our BLOOD. first of all, youre
ashamed, embarrassed, and when your own
family members sit there and literally
watch it happen and not even so much as
offer you consolation when its over, you
feel like maybe the problem is you. maybe
its not a big deal and youre just
overreacting. maybe just letting it go is
better than doing something about it
because theyre your blood and maybe you
owe them something for that?
my scars from this experience will forever
be reflected in every relationship i have
in my life. because of the men that have
let me down from this, i will always be
one to seek male attention no matter the
cost (i.e. sleeping with a friends
boyfriend). not to mention sexually it
will always be an issue. there are times
ive had to push away because memories kept
flooding back, and of course the more you
tell yourself not to think about it you do
anyway. im also more prone to addiction,
because it provides a kind of security.
its like my mind is so used to never have
stability or anyone to ever help me carry
any weight, but this drug is there
whenever i need it and never fails to fill
that hole in my heart. im a great person -
im incredibly talented intelligent, i have
a lot of friends (no one close enough
though), can make just about anybody
laugh, and am the strongest ive ever been,
and that strength only grows each day i
take a breath. but all these wonderful
characteristics are never enough to soften
the blow when dealing with issues in my
past such as this.
i didnt finally begin talking about what
my brother did to me until it came back
to me all of a sudden when i was being
intimate with my boyfriend at the time. he
was the first person who knew besides my
parents, and the first person to ever
react in a way that one is supposed to
react when hearing this kind of situation.
he held me when no one held me before. he
let me cry and told me it wasnt my fault.
he insisted it wasnt NORMAL and i wasnt
overreacting. weve since split, but to
this day we are each others best friends;
i would do anything in the world for him.
hes the only person in my life that ive
ever been able to depend on should i have
to. after our incident, i finally told my
psychologist who i had already been seeing
for three months. she was shocked that i
didnt divulge such information earlier on.
ive now been seeing her for four years and
have been taking prozac for the same
amount of time. if it hadnt been for my
therapy, who knows where i would be
today.
i got lucky - it takes many people a long
time to find an outlet for their
mistreatment. i can tell you one thing,
from reading your posts i dont have any
doubts that youre not too far away from
progress. i know saying im sorry for what
happened to you isnt too helpful even
though its appreciated. but i will say
this - for what youve been through, you
have a hell of a lot of courage and
strength to be able to seek help instead
of letting it control you and lead you
into a downward spiral. thank god youve
taken the initiative - self sympathy
produces no results. rest assured that
you've made it out alive from something
that would have torn others into pieces.
be confident knowing that not many people
have experienced what you have, because
your endurance and perserverence will be
what holds you above others. i dont mean
this condescendingly; im sure you know
what i mean when i say this - when you
meet people and you feel like you are so
different than them, like you've lived
1,000 lives and here they are, standing in
front of you as if naive was tattooed on
their forehead. thank god we all dont have
to experience such trauma, and thank god
that some of us do. we were built to be
strong enough to handle the obstacles
thrown our way. some of us buckle under
the pressure and some of us don't. i can
tell you are one that falls under the
second category.
youve already taken the first initiative.
you can only handle so much without the
help of others; seek that help before its
too late. find a psychologist - not yet
psychiatrist - that is covered under your
insurance policy if you have one. if you
see them and dont think theyll be what you
need, then look for another. keep looking
until you find someone you're comfortable
with and gives you a sense of security.
its worth the search once you find them.
after a couple sessions, they will most l
ikely give you names of psychiatrists they
recommend. that way instead of looking one
up in a phonebook, youll be given a name
from someone with whom youve already
established some trust.
there is no solution to the past -
everyday will always be a challenge.
happiness doesnt come in the form of a
pill, but with hard work and outside help.
what does come in the form of a pill? - a
cane. you only walk with it just in case
you lose your balance, and when you do,
its right there to hold you steady. for
me, prozac didnt make me happy. but when
things happened that would normally cause
me a lot of distress and panic, instead i
was able to look at the situation
objectively and realize that im worth more
than the actions of those who hurt me. it
smoothed out my instinctive actions and
keeps me level. hopefully youll be able to
find this stability as well.
best of luck, jason. keep your chin up,
and be proud of yourself for surviving.
you will still have trouble meeting many
people who can relate, and sometimes its
what prevents you from establishing close
relationships with friends. but there will
be some that you meet that if they cannot
directly relate, they can provide an
embrace of understanding, which sometimes
is all you need. do what you can to help
yourself be at your best - afterall, our
experiences have shown us, if nothing
else, that no one in this world will be
able to have your best interest at heart
more than yourself. so take care of number
1, because no one else will do it for you.
dont let the past control your actions in
the present - dont avoid looking for
happiness because of it, but rather hunt
it down in spite of it.
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Hart74
Supporter
Joined: 06 Apr 2007 Posts: 530 Location: Woodlands (not like there are woods anywhere near) Garden City ,
Thanks: 9
Thanked:7
Posted: 04-06-07 12:32pm
I'm sorry about what you've gone thru, as
a teenager I was molested in a subway
train at first I blamed myself because to
me I could have been the cause - smile at
him and maybe I gave him the wrong signal
(so that's why I hardly smile at anyone)
it happened in front of many people but no
one help there was even a guy who just
smile at me and the molester. He (the
molester) look so decent so would have
thought that he could rub his hand on my
bossom. It got me angry for a while but
then I told myself that I didn't ask for
it and I'm not at fault. The culprit is a
jerk who take advantage of me! Take
care...
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hawkeye69
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 29 Location: Wisconsin
Posted: 04-16-07 08:37am
I am one person that can TOTALLY relate to
your problem. My dad raped me for 6 years.
I too moved out of the house the day I
turned 18 to get away from the sick pig. I
have dealt off and on throughout the
years, but it really came to a head when
my twin daughters turned 9, the age I was
when the abuse started. I have engaged in
many unhealthy ways to cope. Cutting,
drinking, drugs, bulimia. I have lived a
pretty rough life at times. I have been in
counseling for 7 years. It is turning
around now. I no longer blame myself, but
that takes a long time to get over. Be
patient with yourself and treat yourself
well. You deserve the best!!! If you want
to pm me, I'd love to hear from you!
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jason2jr
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Mar 2007 Posts: 27 Location: Paramount, CA, 90723 US
Thankx Again Posted: 05-08-07 21:04pm
All of the positive support has really
helped me believe it or not. I wasso
afraid to talk about it because i felt I
would be judged. Please continue to
comment.
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27ROSES
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 May 2007 Posts: 26 Location: NJ
Posted: 05-10-07 09:28am
I WAS RAPED AT THE AGE OF 14. I AM 30 NOW.
IT WAS BY SOMEONE WHO WAS 18 A SENIOR IN
HS. I DID AN 8 WEEK PROGRAM WITH A GROUP
OF OTHER GIRLS . I DID IT TWICE. THAT
REALLY HELPED ME A LOT. SITTING INFRONT OF
OTHER PEOPLE WHO WENT THROUGH THE SAME
THING HELPS SO MUCH. THEY TOTALLY GET WHAT
YOU ARE SAYING. PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE OR
FIND A GROUP TO JOIN. I AM HERE IF YOU
NEED ME.
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jason2jr
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Mar 2007 Posts: 27 Location: Paramount, CA, 90723 US
Posted: 05-10-07 11:52am
I think that maybe a group thing could
help me. I have been trying to convince
myself that I am over it but my pain lies
so deep that I dont think I can ever get
past it. Also, the fact that so many
things in my life that are negative stem
from my past doesnt help. Everytime I see
them I am reminded. Whether it be my
little brothers that are smoking and not
doing well because my Father wasnt there
for them because i put him in jail. The
fact that evertime my Husband touches my
daughter i am analizing theyre every move.
My body, my mind, my heart are all scarred
and I dont think they can heal. I cry
because I dont want to see these things in
my head, and I get angry because Im not
strong enough to just go on with my life.
Im so sad because it is not fair to my
husband and children that I want to die
because that seems like the only way to
stop the pain. Im so sick of hurting and
feeling sorry for myself. Im done...
