the Ultimate Premature Ejaculation Discussion

Quickdraw and others - re: hypnosis.

I decided to see a hypnotherapist last autumn. I have had problems with confidence and motivation, negative thinking and low self-esteem, for (on and off) 10 plus years.

I went to see him as I became increasingly interested in the sub-concious and it's role in my life. I picked the wrong guy at first and we didn't do any trance work, just chatted and got fleeced. Rubbish. Started going to see another guy and he's great.

I decided to see him about my PE. I thought everything else was a huge mess and maybe if I could conquer PE, I would feel I could do anything, I would feel liberated and everything else would follow.

We chatted and although he said he had treated PE mostly with success, he decided we should focus on my confidence. I agreed and we are working on that for now. It might be working - I think it is to an extent but still early days. He teaches me how to go into the early stages of self-hypnosis and home and it's very relaxing - I just got a cd from him in the post today too to listen to. I intend to get better at self-hypnosis, read up, and treat myself. He seems very confident in his abilities.

I am due back at the end of the month and I'm thinking of asking him to work on PE. If he feels he can.

A bit of background. Hypnosis is basically a state of deep relaxation. While I'm in hypnosis, I'm sat in a chair, fully aware of everything going on around me, I can get up if I want, I'm in complete control. Two fingers have biofeedback sensors on. By sending a small electrical impule through, a machine can give a readout that indicates how relaxed I am. At a certain stage, hypnotherapy professionals state that the sub-concious part of the brain becomes more receptive. By giving instructions to this part of the mind we can (hopefully) modify the way we think about things.

You have an induction which is basically the therapist talking to you about relaxing -and you do. Some visualisation to help. Then when he/she sees on the machine that you are relaxed enough, he/she will read out a 'script' that is very carefully composed in order to deliver the appropriate message. He speaks to me about swapping positive thoughts for negative ones, to over-simplify greatly.

Afterwards I feel very relaxed, a bit drowsy and smiling. I feel physically relaxed, my muscles chill out. I'm not so mentally relaxed as Im still new to it and my mind can try and fight off the relaxation and focus. You really need to focus on something relaxing, liberating to calm the mind.

I was given a script to help with PE by another hypnotherapist. I havent tried it as i would need to record my voice and listen back which to me is a bit freaky. I will ask my current therapist about it next time. In the meantime, I am going to practice relaxing and using the new cd which is about confidence. Maybe that by itself works. I'm going to read up on it and I hope to be able to hypnotise myself and produce my own scripts. It may be worth asking my therapist to record a PE script for me with music so i can use it everyday.

I am new to it all and I can't offer any assurances about what does and doesnt work. I am enjoying going. I'm enjoying the relaxation and I'm intrigued as to whether it can rid me of PE. Of course I will keep the forum posted. I know my PE isn't about nerves. I am very sensitive, i get erections easily, it might be because of rushing but it took me longer when i was younger!!! I feel it might be something in my sub-concious - maybe. It's worth a go. The worst that can happen is that I am just more relaxed!

Keep up the good work. I'm interested to hear about other people's experiences.

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i dont understand the analogy of gun and knife, could you compare thme more clearly? bevcause i have prozac, but i am not depressed or have any problems like that, so i am hesitant to take it!

How old are you?

I think we need to clear a few things up for the benefit of figuring this out.. Take note, I have not read the book coping with PE, so I do not know the different types but I notice a distinct difference between a few of us, and maybe a few of us really don't have PE and its more mental.

There are many people here like me, that can last pretty long masturbating, and being given a handjob but can't last any time when having sex.

Then there are some people like headshot, that nomatter what is occurring can not last long.

I wonder if those in my category it is much more of a mental thing, while those in the second category have a bigger sensitivity issue?

I'm certainly not a guru; I read through this forum as well experimented with myself enough to formulate a sensible solution that can apply to anyone.

Headshot, forgive me for being lazy but at this time I don't feel like rereading your other posts so could you tell me what you have tried in attempt to solve your PE? Does anything help (ie. Stud spray, SSRI's)?

I do not think your are understanding what I am saying. If you are going to train your brain learn to overcome the sensations of your hand and lube (or sex), you have to build it up. And if its not working then somewhere in your head you are still focusing on how nice and warm and smooth and ahhhhh it all feels. So back it off a bit. Learn to IGNORE IT. You my friend, are not. Don't try and build muscle by moving a mountain. Use less pressure. You said you have had hour long masturbation sessions, and correct me if I'm wrong - with lube it only lasts a few seconds?

And you're not being very confident either. The purpose of the style of writing I used was to get you psyched to work on this, and immediately you are focusing on how bad it is for yourself and how wrong anyone who says this is fixable is. I know what its like to be in that spot, a while back I read lots of articles on this and just told it all the eff off and that I was different. I have had a change of heart.

Its too bad my GF just left and we had to stop halfway through foreplay cause someone else came home in the house. Otherwise I'd be able to tell you how I did... :O

I am fairly newish to this forum and have been reading all your posts that you have been sending. I am actually a female so obviously dont have the problem of PE myself, but i have just started dating a guy that has issues. I suspected there was a problem as he always avoided being alone with me and I finally got it out of him and he told me.

Obviously was rather embarassed & said he avoids them sort of situations to avoid embarassment and often the girl would either..laugh or not bother to see him anymore and then tell everyone...which obviously doesnt help the situation
Im not like this whatever and generally really like this guy. I've told him it doesnt matter and he doesnt need to feel embarassed about it as relaxing will probably help. I really do want to help him overcome it, not just for me but for him personally because he is the nicest guy.

have any of you got partners that are understanding and try to help you out?
and do u find that more omcforting or is it intimidating?!

to wan1- Its definitely more comforting to know that it doesn't really matter, it takes away alot of the pressure and may solve the whole problem in general.


to everyone else, I think I have made an important observation.. to some it may be obvious, but to me I just figured it out.. I am pretty sure half of us here do not have premature ejaculation, at least PHYSICAL PE. Let me explain.

-I for example can last 5 seconds while having sex. Once I get my dick in, I cum. Sometimes I do not even make it in. however, I can last quite a long time with handjob/blow job. This means that my penis IS NOT over sensitive... I am pyschologically too aroused. If I am cumming or getting to the point where I cum before I even get inside her vagina, then it is not a sensitivity issue!! it MUST BE pyshcological because my penis is not even touching anything!!!

So to those of us that last under 20 seconds, I'm pretty sure it is over 75% psychological, so KEGELS WILL NOT WORK, SSRIs (I'm on some now testing them) WILL NOT WORK.

I am confident that if I can just become less excited, and treat it much more casually, and not like oh my god I am having sex I can last.

I think this is why kegels work for some, and not others. Its not that i really have physical PE...

sorry for the long post, guys please let me know what you think of my statement and theory, and possible solutions!!!!!!!!!!!

HEADSHOT- 1) lets stop fighting its stupid.. and pointless whatever, you can choose to take his advice or not, regardless he has a right to say it.
2) regarding prozac, prozac is a SSRI just like lexapro which I am currently taking. What dosage of prozac do you plan on taking, I can ask my cousin, the doctor about it and how much should be taken for PE (which you most definitely have textbook definition).


Now, I have some questions to ask and maybe you guys can help me out.. First let me reiterate that I am 19 years old. It is day three of me taking the SSRI, lexapro, and i am definitely starting to notice its affects. Or maybe I am not, and it is all in my head since I was told by my cousin to start with only 5mg (half a pill) for the first week so my body adjusts. And, after 3 days I doubt its built up in my bloodstream, regardless, please read on:

However it is possible that A) it's affect has come into play, since there have been reports that it does not need to build up in the blood stream to work, or B) placebo affect, and since premature ejaculation can be linked to being very pyschological, its possible that placebo like affect has come into play.

Okay, now for my questions. Normally, throughout my life I have noticed that I seem to have a quite long refractory period, the most I have ever masturbated in one day was 3 times, and that was with several hour breaks in between. however, take note that I stop masturbating if I don't feel it is working after about 5-10 minutes. However, also take note that I have ejaculated two times in a matter of 20 minutes before, when I attempted to have sex 2 times in a 20 minute time span.

However, for the past day and a half I have had some trouble become erect (hard). It has taken me longer than usual, and then this morning I tried to masturbate, I stroked my penis and watch porn for about 10 minutes and was unable to get hard.

Are there known cases of ED with young adults? I have heard of it with older people, but I am only about 19. Also, do you think this is really psychological, since I have never really had much trouble "getting it up" in the past.

I appreciate all responses and input.

also, I believe answering this question may help me in my research.. how long does it take most of you guys to get hard while masturbating? Normally it took me less than 10 seconds, now on the lexapro it takes me about 5 minutes, if i can.

i forgot who mentioned sensitivity vs. psychological arousal (sorry), but this is interesting. I did masturbate with lubrication last night and I was able to last longer. I did actually look away (!) and try and count to focus attention elsewhere (!!). I did last longer but it was weird as I was trying not to be sexual - I didn't feel too comfortable about that. But I saw it as an experiment so that's cool.

Yes, when my thoughts are sexual, then I'm up against it. But how do u become less psychologically aroused? I may try my hypno route. I may try the ''I have control'' route or the ''i can control my level of arousal''. Bit ambitious but worth a shot.

Im not sure I want to be less aroused. Maybe there are different types and I need to isolate one type.

Will keep experimenting. Wan-1, do not underestimate how much your support and understanding means to your partner. It means a hell of a lot. I have lasted longer, sometimes not so long. I have recently come pretty quick during sex, but we had a great time as we had lots of foreplay and we had fun together. It was great, AND i came quick. There are ways around it. Good luck.

Headshot,

I am sorry for exposing you to my bullsh*t posts. If you want me to admit your problem is special, then fine. You are one of possibly many who have no chance at fixing their PE naturally. Feel better?

If you tried putting as much effort into relaxing and listening to your body as you did bashing my attempts at helping the general community with a problem we all share, maybe you'd get somewhere. At least - if still nothing worked as I'm sure you'd convince yourself nothing will work - you'd be RELAXED and post something like "No ManOnTheMoon, I have tried those things all my life and I can't seem to get anything to work. I'm upset about this but certainly not going to tell someone trying to help how inaccurate and contradictory and "wrong wrong wrong" they are.

OR ignore my suggestions one and all and focus on what you believe. Maybe that's what you'd like to do, and you're bothered that my ideas are taking up space and discussion time on this board, and since it means nothing to you, you're selfishly trying to end these theories?

I won't waste any more time trying to help you. You were hostile right off the hop, this is a thread where we want to help and listen to each other, not reject ideas.

Tsunku, you are on the right track (IN MY OPINION SORRY HEADSHOT). I believe that what you were doing is a great way AT FIRST to try and get used to what it feels like to not focus on the pleasure. It IS awkward but with practice eventually you'll be able to maintain that control and enjoy it. I've gotten significantly better at this, I can masterbate for over 20 mins now and just with controlling my PC muscles and being relaxed and having the right mindset, enjoy how good it feels and ejaculate when I want. I do not look away or think of something nonsexual at times, but when I started I did that for a little while.

Blast00, if you were not having issues with ED before the pills, then this is obvious evidence that they are lowering (or destroying!) your libido. It is known to happen while on those pills, and personally I would recommend you do not take them if your member isn't showing up when you want it to. I would be worried how effectively your libido returns when going off the pills too.. especially if you take them for awhile. There have been tales that men have had recurring issues afterwards. If you want the SSRI route, you can always try others if you aren't feeling well with the Lexapro.

Wan1, you're support means everything. If you are aware of the problem and treat it with open arms he will have no pressure on his back besides his own. My GF has been supportive but the conditions in bed aren't the easiest for me to improve. She likes missionary, which I have difficulties with, and she'd rather me never slow down or stop so I don't get any relief from those counters. Normally we don't have much time for sex so she would rather to just get it over with so we can move on (I bring her to orgasm prior by oral, so things matter little to her after that ). This makes things difficult on me and also since we have sex around once every two weeks, by the time we DO do it I'm too excited to relax much either.

However my perspective has changed since we last had sex, and I have been feeling much better about how I know I can perform and I expect that I will do better.

And about the physical/psych issue. There are definitely men that naturally feel less sensation and men at the other end of the spectrum who like headshot have difficulties with stimulation. This IS physical but I believe it can be improved mentally. I have improved myself. People have cured their cancer with positive thinking. People have been hypnotized and have gotten rid of their physical smoking addictions, or their physical warts have disappeared. Step one is believing, the rest is WILL. We are free to question but plague ourselves with doubt.

hey guys, I'm not going to quit on the SSRIs just yet, I'm still curious regarding their affect and if they cause some ED or libido, I'm taking such a small dosage, and I will continue to do so until I am confident that I should go with the recommended PE dose or stop all together..

However, let me share with you guys what happened today:
I saw this friend of mine who i have been hooking up with and stuff, and we could not have sex because she had her period, but I had ALOT of trouble getting it up... which did worry me. It took me in total close to 4 hours to cum. (probably 70% of the 4 hours was her either giving me head or a handjob). i really do not know what to think. There is so much of a mental factor in this whole situation, and I am still trying to decrypt it.

Question for you guys, after you guys cum the first time.. can you after 10 minutes or so get it right back up, and just have trouble cumming due to refractory period, or do you have alot more trouble getting it up in general aswell. My body could just be adjusting to the SSRis. I'm going to not masturbate for a day, and see if I can get it up pretty quickly or what..

I think your ability to get it up again after you have ejaculated (the length of your refractory period) has more to do with age and other factors...not necessarily your ability to get an erection in the first place.

Keep it friendly and nice, guys.

blast00 -

I used to consider my refractory period quite long, but it has a lot to do with the situation you are in.

If I have masturbated, I probably don't seek to ejaculate again for a long time and it's usually hours. I have in the past, after ejaculating, just thought about sleep and food and felt very un-sexual.

However, if I'm with someone I really, really like and we are spending a lot of time together, then it's a different story. After ejaculating the first time, I like to shower (it's like pressing the reset button for me physically and mentally), chill and go back to my partner and, to be honest, I will be ready again pretty quick.

For me it has had a lot to do with mood, context, partner and environment.

okay so I never thought I would say this, but I have gone to the complete other extreme of PE. First off, note I am taking 5 mg of lexapro. let me repeat, 5 mg!!! That is very little, and in all of the studies done with lexapro regarding treatment of PE they take 10 mg.

Also, I am not a small guy. I am 19, 180 pounds or so, and 5'11. Pretty built, 15% body fat. I have tons of trouble getting it up now. I can't figure it out why. This is day 4 of the lexapro.. I was masturbating for 15 minutes, got it semi hard, but not fully erect and just quit.

I'm not sure what to do guys, once I get it hard I can go for a real long time, which is what we ideally want, but the fact that it is taking so long to get hard is a problem... (unless its normal, and it was my PE that made me get so hard and cum so fast..?)

Should I cut in the pill in fourths and try 2.5 mg a day... ?? Is it possible my body is still adjusting, and the peaks of the lexapro are evident now until my body adjusts?? what do you guys think..??

Also, I don't have a doctor to ask, I got the pills from my cousin who is a doctor but not trained whatso ever in this type of stuff. He trusts me, as I am going to med school soon, and said that I have to figure it out for myself.

just an update on the lexapro thing..

I have come to my verdict on how I will approach it:
I will stay at 5mg a day for the next month. If I still feel that I am having too much trouble getting hard, I will go to 2.5 mg a day. This might have absolutely no affect on me, and if this is the case I will stop taking it all together and possibly just take it prior to having sex.

Hey blast00,

I'm not completely clear about how you are getting Lexapro. It is a prescription only drug and the only way you should be using it is after discussions with your doctor and then a prescription.

Does your cousin prescribe them? Seriously, they are anti-depressants and changes in dosage and whether you should be taking them at all should be decided by a doctor and them only - a doctor that knows you as a patient.

It has been observed in some cases that Lexapro has sexual side effects - and this is just from a cursory glance at Wikipedia. You shouldn't be asking people posting on a forum board about dosages. This drug can have unpleasant side effects and withdrawal effects.

"Also, I don't have a doctor to ask, I got the pills from my cousin who is a doctor but not trained whatso ever in this type of stuff. He trusts me, as I am going to med school soon, and said that I have to figure it out for myself."

This comment shocked me. Your cousin is a doctor but not trained in the effects of SSRIs??? Figure it out for yourself? YOU'RE going to med school and you are self-medicating without consulting your GP??

Whatever the reality of the situation is, please speak to your GP about this. Don't ask strangers on a forum about drug dosages and side effects, they will be of no real help.

Please stop taking Lexapro. Go and see your GP and discuss the use of SSRIs for PE with him/her. You could do yourself some damage otherwise. I'm not trying to rain on your parade, I know the desire to seek out answers for myself and I have read up about SSRIs. I decided they weren't for me and I wouldn't dream of taking them without guidance from a doctor.

I give the same advice to anyone else in a similar position - these are serious drugs. I am sure that other posters share my views.

Please be careful with what you take.