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jprice79144

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Posted: 05-14-08 21:54pm


my PE got worse because SSRIs made me last a bit longer so i neglected the PC muscles. its not fair for you to promote a drug that you havent tried dude, especially when you arent sure if you have PE

jprice79144

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My update on reverse kegels Posted: 05-14-08 22:40pm


First of all, JPS i think ive had a brainwave about your issue. when i split up with my long term girl i found that sex/masturbation for me became no longer about feeling good but just about that ultimate high - ejaculation. i think like me your pc muscles are just in the habit of contracting for a quick high, and learning to relax them (reverse kegels) will sort you out nicely. plus i think that because you have had a lot of sex your pc muscles are well developed, that is bad for you when you are contracting but good for you when you are relaxing (pushing out). also i think there is another side to it, i think like me you have gotten yourself into a vicious circle of anxiety over PE/the possibility of developing it. let go of it! reverse kegel all day for a few days, and then masturbate, and you will see how you can use the relaxation to stop that feeling that ejaculation isnt far off. for everyone else: well i just masturbated after a day of constant reverse kegelling and i was able to stop that feeling where you think you've gone too far and will definately come. plus when i decided to come my orgasm was better than i have felt in a long time. note that i have only been doing it for one day but that the last time i had sex i came on entry. i feel already i could last longer.

JPS18

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Posted: 05-15-08 15:39pm


I know its about the anxiety that is causing me to feel this way. Im just telling people about the SSRI's who seem to have extreme PE. I really feel for these guys, and want them to sort out the problem so they can lead a good life full of fulfilling sex.

onetimeuser

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Posted: 05-16-08 07:56am


Post Posted: 05-16-08 07:54am Hello everybody, I have only be reading this thread for a few days now and already have I begun to relax about my PE and actually begin to work on it, thank you.. Here what I have tried.. I have been seeing my girlfriend for a few months now and we have become sexually active for about one of them. For the first little bit I was having some bad PE, coming usually within the first min.. However I did go out and try something, something i'm sure most of you will not agree with but I feel I should share in case it could help anyone. I convinced my girlfriend that we should try drunk sex. I know a lot of guys have trouble getting it up or coming while drunk and I thought I should give it a try. And you know what, it worked great. Really really fantastic. I was able to sustain an erection the whole time and only coming at the end when I was ready.. Provided I kept my penis far into her and kept the thrusting slow and controlled it was no problem. I only came at the end because I quickened the pace and ready to come. Her being in control really helped the situation. The next time we didn't try drunk sex, I simply masturbated in the morning . When we actually had sex I felt much more in control, possibly because I knew what to expect of it. I was more clear on the feelings and positions I had to be in (not just sexual positions but even just my frame of mind).. This was not a one time thing, I have had a few different partners and varied results. This time was a great success and I feel confident to do it again.. With or without booze. Perhaps alcohol can provide both the relaxation and numbing stimulant many of us are lacking. **Please note I am not recommending people take up drinking as a form of medication for PE. Simply another method to those of us looking for a "natural" way..

StacyHoll

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Posted: 05-16-08 08:19am


You could speak with your doctor about it?

sunfan1

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Posted: 05-17-08 06:28am


John, It would be great if you could go into more detail about the exercises/breathing methods that you have been doing that have proven effective for you. I think its pretty hard to understand based on the thread. Please try to be specific as possible. Same goes to anyone else who has had success in this way. Thanks.

sjbrook

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Posted: 05-18-08 06:23am


Hi all, Been following this forum for sometime now and believe we may now be on to some thing. Firstly about my problem, i am currently 25 and suffer from server PE, as in i cum on entery. This has been a problem since i became sexually active at 18 and has ruined any relationship i have had and has destrioed my confidence making it very difficult to find a partener. Enough about my past lets talk about now. I believe john414 has craked it but a little clarification is required. i have read johns posts and decided to give it a go. i have spent the last week trying to control my pc muscle during my daily life, which for a lot of the time has resulted in me forcing my pc to expand (reverse kegal), imagine squeezing the pc tight well its the opposite of this(some better explinations earlier in thread. when masterbating i had had some moderate sucsess but still felt i had little control. what i was doing wrong was forcing my pc to expand doing a reverse kegal and contracting/expanding (not sure which) my diaphram almost holding my breath inorder stop myself from cumming. this did produce better results than squeezing my pc like did in the past but still had to stop mastibating in order prevent me from cumming. the last time i did this was last night and i had little control. this morning I read something that made me realise where i was going wrong. an orgasum is the result of a gradual (or in case of PE uncontroled very quick) build up of tension within the muscles. i.e. any tightening, contracting, squeezing, expanding etc... particualary in the PC muscle area. where i had perviouly tried tensing muscles to prevent ejeculation i was bringing my self closer to orgasum. the link also states that breathing is very import. basically relax completely, and breath. it worked for me.

John414

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Posted: 05-18-08 15:09pm


I was also doing reverse kegels somewhat but i feel that when i push it makes me want to orgasm sooner. Now for what i do that works, I don't know how to explain it's like a sweet spot for my PC muscle its not contracting or expanding just relaxed in between. The problem is it's very easy to think that you are relaxing it when you are actually pushing out.

Damendamandaman

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Posted: 05-19-08 08:35am


Guys, I seriously don't think there is ONE solution for everyone. There are things we can all use like relaxation, breathing, and positions. But we all have to get out that see what works best for ourselves. Just like one drug doesn't work for everyone I don't think it is any different here.

John414

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Posted: 05-19-08 18:19pm


very true, but i honestly believe the majority of guys here can find success with this PC muscle relaxing maybe not the same exact way but experiment with it. So far people are having success and thats unusual compared to what i am used to seeing

sjbrook

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update Posted: 05-19-08 19:10pm


i know this is long but please please read as i have missed key information in the passed because i couldn't be aresed to read the long ones. following on from my previous post which also ended prematurely! After reading the link on sunday morning that john had posted i masturbated using what i had read about relaxing and breathing and doing exactly what you say john by positioning my pc muscle between contracting and expanding in your so called sweet spot. The whole time kept a continual pace of stroking all the time breathing a short intake breath followed long exhale. i concentrated heavily on what my pc muscle was doing and i could feel it begin to contract, as this happened i said to my self relax and continued with the breathing slowly relaxing my pc muscle back to the sweet spot all the time continuing to masturbate. this happened many times and each time i just re-relaxed my pc and i could carry on fine without stopping. it was amazing, i feel like i am cured! i lasted far longer than ever before, like over 20mins compared to 2 before. in fact i got bored and so i decided to cum by squeezing my pc and allowing the tension to build up eventually cuming. i think taking the decision to cum was as important in the learning as the relaxing. i have done this another two times since, the second time sunday evening with similar success and third time monday morning with less success, probably due to a lack of concentration, due to the introduction of some stimulation (porn). i will continue without porn until i get better control. one thing i will say is i relaxed my pc (and my whole body for that matter) the instance i felt any tension or contracting in my pc. this meant i was never at a high level of arousal. i think the real skill will come in controlling the level at which you can relax from resulting in much greater pleasure. i am surprised at how quick this has clicked and pissed off that i have put up with it for the last seven years. even though i feel cured i am aware i am not yet but at least i now know how my body is working and will continue to practice until i have excellent control. i'm pretty sure that i would not have been able to do this if i had not been doing reverse kegals and relaxing my pc throughout the last week as john414 (legend) suggests in his earlier posts. these help you to develop the tool (pc muscle) with which to begin learning to control. Finally: sorry i know i have gone on, i have to disagree with Damendamandaman i think for the large majority of healthy men with this problem that this is the solution. a lack of education and understanding about how to control the pc. i look back now and it is all clear, my first sexual experiences was always going to be quick as i had no experience, at that point i made a subconscious decision that has ruined my last seven years of sexual experience; instead of relaxing i let anxiety take hold and continued to squeeze my pc to try and top my self cuming, thus increasing anxiety and training my brain the wrong thing, it was then impossible to relax as everytime it came to sex i was tens and anxtious, relaxing was the last thing on my mind. i now think that most men just didnt get it early on and because the solution is to do the opposite (relax) of what most anxitious and tens men will do and then they will never find out (vicious circle). And the reason i think this is the answer is that at the end of the day ejaculation is brought on by the build up of tension in the pc muscle and that is the case for all men and if you want to control the ejaculation then you need to control the muscle and the breathing and relaxation are just tools to help you learn this control. think of it as someone recovering from tempoary paralysis, re-learning to walk, their muscles work, their brain works, they just need to reconnect the two through learning. PE is not a disease it can not be cured by drugs. i can accept that there may be better solutions to the anxiety problems associated but once this clicks you wont need them because you'll be so happy. My theory on men with pe that starts in later life is that when they were young starting their sexual career they were one of the many luck people who stayed relaxed and subconsciously learned how to use the pc. the problem is they dont consciously know how they control the pc muscle, probably never even thought of it and couldn't tell you if you asked, why should they?! it works, no problems, dont fix whats not broke! but when a course of drugs or some event in later life has changed the way there pc muscle behaves (such as anti depressants or dope or i imagen many other drugs or prostate cancer etc..) then they are back at square one and could easily fall back into the vicious circle of anxiety like the rest of us. the key is they still never actually knew how to control the pc muscle, it just happened. That was a long finally! was going to have a wank but am falling asleep now, haha. let me know what you think, and if anyone truly thinks they consciously knew or know how to effectively control the pc muscle (make it do the opposite or prevent it from doing what it wants to do on its own) but are now suffering PE then let me know and i'll stand corrected. now all i need is a bigger dick and to loose 3 stone and i might get layed by the time i'm forty, haha, just kidding. thanks sam

JPS18

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Posted: 05-20-08 01:06am


I am defeated. I am emotionally drained and very very depressed about this. I have been practicing the pc relaxing exercise for months now with little to no results. I have sunken into a deep depression because of this. It constantly effects me. I cant even look at a women anymore without feeling depressed. It has caused me to hate myself, as I feel like a half man. I dont know what to do anymore. I guess I just have to accept that I will be able to please a women. Sex doesnt even seem like it would be fun anymore. It would just be stressfull and depressing. Even masturbation has made me depressed. Im seeing no results from this exercise. Sometimes I can last for a long time with porn, and about half the time its about 5 minutes. If you blow your load watching porn to fast with your own hand you stand no chance with a real women. I dont know what to do now. Im doubting everything. like I said, anytime I see a beautiful girl I get sad and depressed. My mind is instantly racked with thoughts that if I had sex with said girl how fast I would cum. I cant even talk to women anymore, i have no confidence at all, none. And Im to scared to go out and have sex because it would shatter my already non exsistant confidence forever. I just want to be normal, and not cum to fast.This is the worse non life threatning problem for a man to have to live with. Im first hand experiance of the emotional trauma this can cause. Im so young, only 22. I want to live like a normal young man, and be able to have confidence with a girl, and seek out intimacy like a man. Im in a bad state mentally, and I know this isnt helping my problem.

JPS18

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Posted: 05-20-08 01:17am


Its hard to care about life when you dont feel like a man. I feel as if Im not good enough for any woman. Even though I used to do a pretty decent job of pleasing my ex g/f. I realize I have other emotional issues that may be stemming from this, or compounding it. The thing I seek most in the world is the love of a woman. And now that Im single again, I feel like Im not capable of that. What woman would want an un-confident premature ejaculator? I feel I could last with my ex because I was so used to her, and it wasnt new. Becasue I did cum fast with her the first few times we did it( I was a virgin as well). But any situation I have been in with any other woman I have cum fast. Its like sensory overload and my body cant handle it. Even with PC relaxation, my body cannot overcome this. No matter what I do, even waiting a bit when in this state doesnt help. So this leads me to believe If Im very turned on visually Im screwed 100%. My brain gives me no chance.

jprice79144

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JPS18 I have messaged you. Please read it. You are not alone. Posted: 05-20-08 13:08pm


This condition affects AT LEAST 35% of men, with the current world population that is MORE THAN 1,000,000,000 people. There has to be a simple answer.

John414

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Posted: 05-20-08 19:40pm


sjbrook your last post was almost the exact same experience i had too. I am happy to hear the good news JPS!!!!!! You can't be giving up. I've been reading all your posts and you have been talking about making progress and lasting longer during masturbation. Thats your proof right there man. Remember this post Posted: 05-04-08 23:59pm So I tried masturbating to porn again today. I lasted roughly 22 minutes of pretty good stroking. I only had to stop once or twice during this today, so Im not sure what to make of this, or to take anything back from this Now that is control so you can do it don't doubt yourself you just need to get everything fine tuned. Now that you get the basic idea of controlling the pc, YOU NEED TOO experiment on your own and find out the little things that might not be the same for me. Act like your a scientist try changing little things at a time this is how a got to know my body and finally get it down perfect. Most importantly remember your testing yourself so if something doesn't work just remind yourself its a test and move on. Don't get down on yourself when you already have made progress. I almost had a crisis when i came right away last week. I started doubting everything i did and said. Then i started experimenting with masturbation to see what i was doing wrong. It took about a week of a lot of testing around in till i realized what was wrong. I was pushing the top of the pc muscle without noticing and thats all it took to throw me off. I am right back to better now, so now i know there is always a solution it just takes some thinking and time to find.

Jimmster

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Me too... Posted: 05-21-08 14:15pm


Hi guys. I've just been reading and watching this forum for months now. I stopped for a while because noone seemed to make any significant progress. Like many of you report, PE has just nailed me for the last 2 years. Fine before that, and it seemed to happen overnight. No worries before, my lovely wife having, sometimes, two orgasms before me, then one day it all changed and I have been totally incompetent ever since. I've read everything ever written about it and, like John I was convinced there must be a physiological approach. When I read John's posts, I felt partly gazumped, but also ecstatic that someone has done what I am aiming to do. Congratulations and thank you John. I only read about that success today so I have started my reverse kegels all day, and it will be every day BUT, John, a question for you: You say you relaxed the muscle all day and it felt fatigued at the end as you had been exercising it. You say your "sweet spot" is neither clenching the PC, nor pushing it downwards as if to do a wee. Fine. But when you walk around all day practicing, do you push it down as if to wee then, or only relax. If I just relax my PC muscle it doesn't feel like I am actually doing anything except anticipating when it would involuntarily clench, like rising from a chair, coughing etc and trying to counter that. That doesn't seem enough. I have set my sights as high as you did. I salute you. Thanks.

brad172

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Posted: 05-22-08 01:05am


Hey guys I have been wanting to chime in for quite a while now however forgot pass and email used so couldnt log in. (formal sn "Brad17") Anyway firstly I would like to congratualate those of you who have been having success with the pc relaxation techniques and/or reverse kegals. However I would like to note that this is not a Fix all cure although it may help by varying degrees for some. I say this not to discourage anyone but to let others who it may not help that they are not the only ones. I have tried various relaxation and breathing techniques with slight success. Also relaxing the pc, breathing techniques, and reverse kegals have all been mentioned much earlier in this thread without many of the earlier users reporting significant gains. Again I definately am not trying to discourage anyone from these techniques and I am very happy for those of you who are having success because we are all suffering from this. As I have mentioned ealier in this thread I have been taking a low dose of Zoloft for the past few years primarily for pe. In my experiance, when I am not taking the Zoloft my urge to ejaculate is so powerful that trying to combat it with pc or breathing techniques is futile. However when I am on the zoloft the techniques do help a bit more. So to me they are effective to a degree but the ironic side of it to me at least, is they work better when you have more control in the first place. Anyway I did not post to challenge anyone's veiws about pc muscles especially since a few people have been having success. Kudos. I did want to address some other posts as well- JPS18- I think that you are getting discouraged a bit to quickly. I say this because you seem to have less severe pe than most of us as you said it wasnt really even an issue in your last relationship. You stated that you felt bad when you ejaculated within two minutes. Despite what you may think two minutes is not a "severe" case and since you have a history of not really having an issue with pe you have a greater chance of moving past it. It may just be a case of resolving the recent anxiety that you have accumulated about sex. I definately am not trying to say you have no reason to feel the way you do. Everything you said in your post about being depressed when looking at girls or thinking about sex and feeling like half a man; trust me I struggle with those exact same thoughts all of the time. I just wanted to let you know you should look on the bright side of things because like I said before, your case doesn't seem that bad and I can see you getting back to you r previous level of it not being an issue. The issue of serotonin's role has also been brought up in this forum and would like to throw my two cents into that as well. I beleive it was JPS who mentioned that 5-htp might be equally effective as AD's due to the fact that they both increase serotonin in the brain and AD's delay ejacualtion. That would just be too easy wouldn't it? I have tried 5-htp as well as others in this forum with no results. It seems to make sence that they would be as equally effective but are not at all. It is a more complicated process than that. If PE were a result of a simple serotonin deficiency there would be a high correlation between pe and psychiatric maladies such as deppression, anxiety, etc. That is simply not the case even though pe can cause a certain degree anxiety or depression that does not mean it stems from serotonin defeiciency. One of the people on the forefront of sexual disorder, particularly pe research is a Dutch Urologist by the name of Marcel Waldinger. He beleives that the alteration in the 5-ht serotonin receptors themselves play a role in how AD's affect ejaculation. It is the sensitization/desensitization of these receptors that play a role in premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation. He is also a supporter of the theory that premature ejaculation is a genetic trait that is passed on rather than a learned behavior which is a theory that i definately also subscribe to. Anyway there is wa to much information to continue to elaborate in this post but for those of you who are interested I would encourage you to visit this link http://www.medscape.c om/viewarticle/518225 T his link is from a presenation by Some well respected urologists discussing everything there is to discuss about pe. I think you have to register to view it but it is well worth it as there is tons of info including some of Dr. Waldinger's work. I know it is easy to get trapped into the "why me?" cycle of thinking but that very thinking is what makes pe such an "issue" When it comes down to it pe really isnt a dysfuction at all. Our bodies are not abnormal in any way but in fact are just more "efficient" at reproduction. Most of the distress we are suffering by having pe is due to our own perception that we are somehow broken or handicapped. I think that is why pe is so difficult to resolve in the first place because we are essentially trying to fix something that really isn't broken. I'm not saying that we shouldn't feel this way but sometimes we need to put it into perspective. There are more options for guys with pe now than there have ever been. Of course I would rather not take ssri's for pe but it's an option that I have chosen that works for me and works for others. It has given me years of being able to enjoy sex that i might not have had if it werent for them. Bottom line is do not lose hope, whether it be pc relaxation, meds, creams, or whatever, there is hope that we can beat this in one way or another. Do not give up, try whatever you can. Keep this thread going, i think john is a good example of finding something that worked for him and being able to help others with it and that great. I think I finally ran out of steam tonight but good luck to all and keep fighting the good fight!

jprice79144

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Posted: 05-22-08 10:34am

brad172 wrote:

However I would like to note that this is not a Fix all cure although it may help by varying degrees for some. I say this not to discourage anyone but to let others who it may not help that they are not the only ones. I have tried various relaxation and breathing techniques with slight success. Also relaxing the pc, breathing techniques, and reverse kegals have all been mentioned much earlier in this thread without many of the earlier users reporting significant gains. Again I definately am not trying to discourage anyone from these techniques and I am very happy for those of you who are having success because we are all suffering from this.

You're right brad, there isn't a one-fits-all cure for pe. I come as soon as I start having sex. To combat this I was having to bring my girlfriend close in other ways and then enter her.

But this morning, she came twice before I CHOSE to come, because I used a last longer condom (which don't normally work for me, I just think I have to be honest with you guys by saying there is a chance they influence how long I lasted), and reverse kegels as much as possible (so hard to do whilst having sex!), but I really concentrated on doing them when I felt close to coming, and with a bit of patience and a bit of slowing down the feeling subsides and you can carry on.

None of this stop-start or squeeze technique rubbish. You have to reverse kegel the pc muscle AWAY from your g-spot (prostate) to control your own ejaculation.

I'm not saying that I'm over pe. I'm literally a 3 or 4 thrust guy. But things are looking up now.

jprice79144

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Positions Posted: 05-22-08 10:43am


Also, from experience, as much as i doubted this before i tried it, it is easier to reverse kegel the pc muscle away from stimulating the g-spot (prostate) when the girl is on top. Talk to her about it. my girlfriend found out i had pe in the worst way, i ejaculated in my boxers whilst we were getting in the mood. however, we're working on it now and she actually cares about me more knowing im vulnerable like this.

blast00

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Posted: 05-24-08 21:23pm


john, can you elaborate on what you mean by doing a reverse kegel in the opposite way. You can either squeeze tight, as if to stop yourself from peeing, or you can push outward, as if you were taking a poop (this is not meant to be humorous, I just don't know how else to phrase it). Which one do you do? When do you do it while you are having sex, how often, imidediately upon entering? Whenever I try and do it, i get retrograde ejaculation I do it and then I cum and the cum just goes back into my system... explain further please..