arcadia
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 4469 Location: Illinois,
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Help.
Posted: 03-07-07 07:13am
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guys, last night was absolutely terrible.
i don't even know where to begin.
i feel so stupid.
i found out .chris hasn't been happy since
before .gabe was even conceived. he hasn't
wanted to be with me for about 10 months.
he never said anything because he didn't
want to break up with me so soon after a
miscarriage.. & .then i was pregnant
again right away, so he said he couldn't
have left me then. he's gone this long
without saying anything to me. why
couldn't he have said anything? i don't
understand. i try so hard to make him
happy, but apparently, .i've not been
doing so good.
guys, when .gabe was conceived, we had
only been back together for like, 3
months.
i love him. i'm in love with him. i don't
want to be without him. he's the only
person i can see myself with for the rest
of my life. i wanted to get married, &
be in love, & raise our children
together with the stability & strength
neither of us had as kids.
he said he really honestly loves me &
cares about me & he's more than
willing to try & work it out &
stay with me & help me with
.gabriel... & .on one hand, that's
great. but on the other, what's the point
if he's already had his mind made up for
almost a year that he doesn't want to be
with me? he said he wouldn't stay with me
if it weren't for .gabe, though.. that
doesn't seem fair. to me or .gabe..
i mean, it's great that he's willing to
stay with me for our son, but at the same
time.. how am i supposed to be happy
knowing that he doesn't want to be with
me?
i just don't know what to think.
i can't think. i have such a headache
& i hurt everywhere.
i want to make this work with him, but i
want him to want to be with me. i don't
even know what .i'm doing wrong. he said
it's just little things. i don't know.
i can't do this.
i really dislike myself right now.
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OctoberBaby06
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Dec 2006 Posts: 4617 Location: , US
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Posted: 03-07-07 07:27am
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Aww hun, .I'm so sorry all of this is
happening so close to when .Gabe will be
here. I'm no good at giving advice on
these situations though, I just wanted to
let you know .I'm sorry you're going
through this & .I'm thinking of you!
.Michelle
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004 Posts: 6492 Location: ,
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Posted: 03-07-07 07:35am
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Oh Krissy, this must be killing you. I
can't believe he told you this right
before you are due to give birth. I'm
sure he was trying to spare your feelings
but it was not a good time to tell you
this.
Look I'm gonna be blunt about this...It's
probably only gonna get worse after Gabe
is born, so you now need to look at your
options. do you want to stay with a guy
who is only with you because of Gabe?
Maybe you guys should live apart and he
could help you out? I know your parents
are not really help but there are other
resources you can look into.
Babies can sense when they're parents are
unhappy so it is really not a good
environment for them if you guys will be
arguing. (Relationships change completely
after a child either for better or
worse-unfortunately usually for the worst)
Trey thrived once I moved out on my own.
you need to sit down with Chris and really
talk things over and what you want and
have to do.
I'm sending you tons of cyber hugs. I'm
really sorry you have to be going through
this at one of the times that is supposed
to be the happiest of your life. 
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arcadia
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 4469 Location: Illinois,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 03-07-07 07:42am
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Thank you, .jess.. it's so hard.. i
seriously don't even know what to think
& i really didn't see this coming.
he didn't just come out & tell me..
just lately .i've been feeling like
there's something wrong & something
bothering him. yet, whenever i would ask,
he denies it & blah blah blah. well
finally, last night, he must've gotten
tired of me asking.. or he just realized
that i knew something is up & he might
as well tell me.. but he told me i drive
him absolutely crazy & that i make him
insane. i asked him why he was still with
me & he said because he loves &
cares about me & because he got me
pregnant.
gee, thanks.
this morning i wrote him a letter for him
to read when he woke up for work. i was
kind of awake when he read it, & then
i got up to go pee & laid back down
& he was about to leave & he
almost didn't give me a hug & a kiss
goodbye because he didn't know if i wanted
him to.
i texted him when he left & we talked
a little & i asked him if he was going
to break up with me. he said he didn't
know, but he's been unhappy for a long
time. i asked how long is a long time. he
said "before .gabe."
.i want to try to make it work.. because i
know he loves me & i know he cares..
but if i really drive him that crazy..
then i just don't know.
i have nowhere to go if we break up. i'll
be stuck with my parents for years.
because there's no way i can get a good
job to pay for my own place. not for a
very, very long time.
i guess it's just a lose lose situation.
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jessesgirl
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Dec 2005 Posts: 2877
Thanks: 16
Thanked:3
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Posted: 03-07-07 07:48am
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First of all I am sooo soooo sorry! I'm
sure this hit you like a ton of bricks.
I'm sure a part of you wants to make it
work, but you'll always have in the back
of your mind the things he said. This is
a tough one especially with your
situation. He may change his mind. I
broke up with my boyfriend in high school
b/c I thought I wanted to be with other
people, but 4 years later we reunited and
we've been happily married for 1 1/2
years. He may see the light and it'll all
work out, if not, it's not the end of the
world. You'll get on your feet one day
and find someone who will love you no
matter what, even when you drive them
crazy. 
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
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Posted: 03-07-07 07:49am
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i'm so sorry .krissy,thats a horrible
thing to do especially right now.I never
saw this coming.explain to him that there
are little things about him that bother
you too.if he loves you enough he won tlet
those things bother him.you need to do
what you fel is right.if you don't think
ya'll should be together because *you*
don't feel rightbeing with him since he
feels that way,you do what you need to do
hun.this is a horrible spot to be in right
now,especialy since you can't stay with
your parents.i agree with jess,its on;y
gonna get worse when gabe gets here.I
really wish I could do something to help
you out girl,I really do.come to florida
and i'll help! like jess said you need to
sit down and talk with him about whats
going on. even if you don't saty
together,you can do it .krissy! you are a
very strong person and I know you can
handle it! big hugs girl! 
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Becky
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 6225 Location: London, England
Thanks: 0
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Posted: 03-07-07 08:22am
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i'm so sorry to hear this krissy. i know
what you are going through. however,
staying together for the kids never works
out. that is what me and neil did cause we
believed it is best for kids to have both
sets of parents.
it turned into a nightmare. one or both of
you ends up resenting the other cause you
know you are only together for the kids.
me and neil kept fighting like cat and dog
because we shouldn't of been together
under normal circumstances.
although you love someone you can't
suddenly make someone be 'in love' with
you. these two are completely different
and you need both to be present for a
relationship to work.
you could give it a try and see if it
works out. maybe having gabe might bring
you closer together although 9 times out
of 10 it drives you further apart.
it was the hardest thing i did breaking up
with neil as i was so scared of being
alone but i knew i couldn't let the kids
grow up with their parents hating
eachother
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Jules
Supporter
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 3795 Location: Merrie Englande, UK
Thanks: 87
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Posted: 03-07-07 09:31am
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I am so sorry that you've had such awful
news - I think Chris really should have
shown enough self control to hold back
until .Gabe is born but at least you know
where you stand now.
I haven't got anything better to say than
the other girls have already said but I
just wanted you to know I'm thinking of
you and I hope things work out.
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Eyes Wide Shut
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 7892 Location: *UPTOWN*NEW ORLEANS*, La
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Posted: 03-07-07 09:38am
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Oh my .god .krissy! I'm sooo sorry.
I think, if he gives you a chance to be
*not* pregnant, or dealing with some sort
of hormonal issue, he'll realize that it's
*you* inside of that huge belly! lol...you
know what I mean.
We *all* change when we get pregnant. And
none of us are the same after we have a
baby. But a good 6 months down the road,
and you're back to the "old" you.
If he leaves, he'll miss out on not only
watching his son make his every movement,
but he'll miss out on you.
My brother in law did that to his
girldfriend. GOt her preggy, cheated on
her at 4 months. Got back together.
Witnessed the birth of his child, and
still cheated on her. Missed out on
*everything* lil .caleb had to offer.
But they had only been together maybe 3
months, before she got preggers. They had
never known each other before.
I'm so sorry again .krissy...you are a
strong woman, and I know you will pull
through. If not for you, for .gabriel.
(ps...I can't wait to see hiiiiim!)
I'm always here for you!
Sarah
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8005 Location: Missouri, United States
Thanks: 2
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Posted: 03-07-07 09:51am
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oh my god krissy i'm sorry, i went to bed
lst night and got your message this
morning, all i saw was "terra  " and i knew
something was wrong, i'm sorry i wasn't
there!
I can't believe this  i love you very
very much and you've got lots of support
here and we're alllllll here for you!
you're gonna make it!!! im so sorry this
happened  i dunno what to
say... i'm just really sorry.
i hope things get better, i hope u can
talk them out or at least work on them for
your sake because if he loves you then...
that's that and he should want to work on
things.
i love you krissy!
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Zanny
Supporter
Joined: 01 Apr 2006 Posts: 2278 Location: Preston, Lancashire United Kingdom
Thanks: 42
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Posted: 03-07-07 10:11am
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I'm so so sorry .Krissy. I don't know what
to say.. I couldn't believe it when I read
this post. I just want you to know that
I'm here for you.. we all are.
I love you
<3<3<3
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Bridget
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Posts: 10821 Location: ,
Thanks: 62
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Posted: 03-07-07 10:24am
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I don't have anything to say that someone
else hasn't already said but i'm so sorry.
we're here for you. stay strong for gabe.
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
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Posted: 03-07-07 10:49am
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please guys don't jump on my a$$...
I think you should both try and talk
things through - calmly.
I think you should both try and work
things out. - at least try.
for both of you the situation is different
now to how it was "before gabe" or even
before you got pregnant the first time.
you're both a bit older and your outlooks
on life are going to have changed.
You (nor any woman who is about to give
birth) are probably not in the best frame
of mind to try and mull things over right
now.
It's probaly like that wedding night
nerves - suddenly everything is iniment
and very very real and that's a bit of a
shock - even to couples who have been
together for a long time/married/planned
pregnancy.
you say he's even said that he does love
you.
and most long term relationships do not
continue in the same passion tht they
began - you settle down in to a more
"comfortable" and "relaxed" kind of love.
Try the 3 things list.
you each promise not to be offended first
then you write 3 things about the other
person that really bug you.
then you write down 3 ways in which they
can alter just a little bit - a compromise
- not a personality change.
then you discuss those 3 things together
and each try to compromise just a little
bit.
Just don't throw away something
potentially good because one area isn't
perfect.
we all have to adapt to lots of different
things in life.
look at both sides of the story and try to
work something out between you.
I mean even if he isn't 100% happy with
how things are doesn't mean he can't be
overall happy and doesn't mean that
something else would be any better.
While I don't think people should stay
together for the kids at all - 2 happy
seperated parents are better than 2 parent
living together who hate each other.
I do think people should try to work out
their problems instead of just dropping
all of the relationship.
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Eyes Wide Shut
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 7892 Location: *UPTOWN*NEW ORLEANS*, La
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Posted: 03-07-07 10:53am
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| Kia
wrote: |
While I don't think people should stay
together for the kids at all - 2 happy
seperated parents are better than 2 parent
living together who hate each other.
I do think people should try to work out
their problems instead of just dropping
all of the
relationship. |
That's exactly where I, and many girls on
here stand. It's just better for the
emotional stability for .gabe.
I know if my parents had split when I was
2, I wouldn't be as damaged a I am now.
horrible.
Reguardless, the situation is horrible.
Nerves or not. I mean, what is she
supposed to change?
I think it's .chris being nervous. But
then again, I don't know him on a personal
note.
Sarah
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
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Posted: 03-07-07 10:59am
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| babymajic0506
wrote: | | Reguardless, the situation
is horrible. Nerves or not. I mean, what
is she supposed to
change? |
I have no idea - I don't live with 'em
Krissy are you a nose picker?
| Quote: |
tr> | I think it's
.chris being nervous. But then again, I
don't know him on a personal
note. |
Exactly, while us girlies experience it in
the flesh from day one as it were - blokey
typically gets a sudden "oh feck - this is
real real" at the last minute.
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 5041 Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 03-07-07 10:59am
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I am sorry to hear about this love. I
hope that you can make the right decision
for you, .Chris and .Gabe.
all the best love.
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SamanthaM
Supporter
Joined: 15 Dec 2005 Posts: 2079 Location: Mishawaka, Indiana
Thanks: 2
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Posted: 03-07-07 11:03am
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Krissy I am so sorry. Reading that made me
want to cry. I can't imagine how you must
feel. I hope everything works out okay for
you.. Stay strong for Gabe!
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Magical Logic
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 2248
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Posted: 03-07-07 11:13am
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ok please dont jump me for this but....
i would ask him if he really wanted to try
and work it out right now and tell him
dont worry about hurting your feelings
that way you get the whole truth and if he
says no then let him have his space....if
its meant to be then it will work out in
the end.
try to stay strong for .Gabe
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
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Posted: 03-07-07 11:15am
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| chase4
wrote: | ok please dont jump me for
this but....
i would ask him if he really wanted to try
and work it out right now and tell him
dont worry about hurting your feelings
that way you get the whole truth and if he
says no then let him have his space....if
its meant to be then it will work out in
the end.
try to stay strong for
.Gabe |
why would anyone jump on
you for saying that?I totally agree with
you.if its meant to be, its meant to be!
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Magical Logic
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 2248
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Posted: 03-07-07 11:18am
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i just did not want anyone to take it as i
was trying to be mean about it.
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