Depression Forum - Changes.

I don't know how I got to be this way. I can't remember the exact moment of change, I won't ever be able to define it to a certain month. All I know is that I was happy and bubbly and out-going and then ... then I just wasn't. Grade five wasn't perfect, not by any means; I suffered from anxiety and stress with homework and always having to be the top of the class. But I remember being happy, or at least I was being myself. I actually talked. People liked me. Peoples acceptance has never really bothered me, though. I just want to like myself. I don't like me, however. I like the person on the inside, the one who wants to join in, discuss topics, make jokes, and laugh. But I don't like the me that shuts everyone out and interacts only out of necessity. I also hate my foolish, petty talk. Where I feel like a pity ploy. People have lifes so much more difficult then mine. Do I even have a right to complain?
I know that when you're a teenager that people aren't supposed to understand you, but I'm not even sure I want to be understood. I think it would scare people. I have this feeling that I'm not going to live a long life. I'm afraid that that's suicide talk, but honestly I don't think so. I mean, what I'm feeling right now is only temporary, but death is forever.
I don't believe in the Christian bible. I don't ever want to. I had an uncle who was molested by a priest when he was younger. My family doesn't talk about it. But I've always wanted to ask my dad if he was molested too. I'm scared of finding out. I love my dad so much.
My mother and I don't understand each other. But it's not for the typical teenage reasons. I don't go out and party or anything like that. She only got an education of grade seven and sometimes I feel like she is the child while I am the adult. She doesn't understand that people can think and feel differently. She doesn't understand that not being Christian doesn't make me an awful person. I hate that I sometimes feel superior to her.
My brother, he failed university, and has attempted suicide. He cut his wrist while he was drunk.
When he was a teenager and my dad was gone (he works away) he would always get angry with my mom or me or my little sister and either hit us or the wall. i don't mean he would beat us or anything, just shove us or punch the wall enough to dent it. Once he threw a fork at my mother.
My sister is beautiful. I love her so much and I try to guide her as best I can. She is honestly the most beautiful person I have ever met. Not only in soul, cause that's true too, but also in looks.
I do great in school and have a select few friends, but I don't really think I'm even remotely happy the majority of the time. I am fat, that probably has a lot to do with it, but I was always overweight.
Maybe I changed because I felt bad about letting everyone see who I really was. Maybe deep down I don't even like me. I am so confused and fear I am too much into my head. Do I over-analyze. I need someone to talk to. Please.