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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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So, This Is Kinda Hard For Me.
Posted: 03-13-07 20:32pm
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I am feeling so down right now. I hate
feeling like this. I feel like I am not
good enough and that I can't be a mother.
I hate my after baby body, my sudden
weight gain, and just being lonely. What
is this all about? I know that I have a
beautiful baby girl and wonderful place to
live and I should be happy that I am
working, but i just feel like i am not
good enough for my daughter, my job, and
not good enough to find someone who is
going to love me for me. Brandon just kind
of used me...I almost feel like I was
trash for leaving him but now that I did I
found out how he treated me.
I am so depressed, I feel like crying all
the time. I don't, because solders
don’t cry. They are strong. I really
miss Shawn. I miss him so much. I just
wish he were here with me experiencing
everything that I am experiencing with
Melia. It’s just not fair that I have
to go through this alone, I didn’t clime
on myself and become pregnant. I know that
he didn’t like just walk away from me,
but I can’t help but wish he were here
for me and his little one. I loved him so
much. I feel alone, so alone.
I hate feeling like this. I can’t
sleep; I am eating like a pig. I just
want to drown in my bath and never come
out. No, I don’t want to kill myself. I
just feel so blah I guess.
Sorry for the downer…but thanks for
listening.
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Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 7276
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Posted: 03-13-07 20:35pm
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call me.
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candita_sky
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 02 May 2006
Posts: 522
Location: in the land of pooh bear
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Posted: 03-13-07 20:41pm
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aw hun im so sorry that you are feeling
this way.every one feels this way afteer a
new baby especially about there body im
there with you on that one. but you also
went thru a lot oh he%l in your pregnancy
with loosing the love of your life....did
you ever consider getting so sort of
therepy to deal with the greif? if not you
might want to i wish i could help take
away the pain that you are feeling i
promise it will improve in time just
remember that he left you with a preciouse
gift a little peice of him...your lil
melia. hang in sweety.
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005
Posts: 8006
Location: Missouri, United States
Thanks: 2
Thanked:1
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Posted: 03-13-07 20:45pm
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im sorry you're feeling sad gen
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yellow ribbon
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005
Posts: 5554
Location: FL
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Posted: 03-13-07 22:16pm
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aw Gen im sorry youve had a rough
year and you deserve to ahve your moments
but u are a great mommy and amelia is so
lucky to have you. i love you!!!!
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Sandbox Party
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 7276
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Posted: 03-13-07 22:36pm
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Gen you are sooo strong.
But we have have weak times.
And this is yours.
Im not gunna tell you, "Hey, dont cry! It
will all be allright!"
Becuase you know something?? I Dont know
that.
I dont know how things are going to go for
you in the future. I dont know what fate
has in store for you.
But i do know that you have friends
here who are willing to listen to you, and
provide a shoulder to cry on along the
way.
WE're here to help you thru anything that
life throws at you. (and trust me, life's
been known to throw some stinky poo.)
ANd we're all going to be right behind you
til the end, supporting you thru thick and
thin. Because thats what friends are for,
and we love you.
^_^
so anytime you need to cuss and scream, pm
me. Or anyone else for that matter. I love
getting cussed at. ^_^ (and poked with a
spoon, but we wont go there.)
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004
Posts: 6594
Location: Planet Tampaxia,
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Re: So, This Is Kinda Hard For Me.
Posted: 03-14-07 02:58am
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| Sunflower_pie81
wrote: | | I really miss Shawn. I miss
him so much. I just wish he were here with
me experiencing everything that I am
experiencing with
Melia. |
He is. maybe not in physical form, but
he's there.
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ThriftyGal
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Apr 2006
Posts: 2982
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Posted: 03-14-07 03:37am
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seriously gen you are doing so much. i
can't imagine being in your situation, you
really are strong. I'm sorry you are
feeling like this, i so wish i could give
you a hug. You are a great mommy though,
and amelia is lucky to have you! Don't
doubt yourself. There are no perfect
families, and there are no perfect
parents, all that anyone can do is their
best. and i really think you are. i hope
you feel better soon pal.
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michelle1981
Supporter
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 7236
Location: Toronto, Canada
Thanks: 7
Thanked:6
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Posted: 03-14-07 07:11am
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Oh .gen! I hate that you feel this way! I
wish i could help you, but i don't know
how...... except tell you that you have
all the support here and we love you to
death!
You are a strong woman, and it's ok to
feel weak sometimes. We all do. Just know
that you are an amazing person and a
frickin' awesome mommy 
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007
Posts: 3399
Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
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Re: So, This Is Kinda Hard For Me.
Posted: 03-14-07 07:58am
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| Sunflower_pie81
wrote: | I am feeling so down right
now. I hate feeling like this. I feel
like I am not good enough and that I can't
be a mother. I hate my after baby body,
my sudden weight gain, and just being
lonely. What is this all about? I know
that I have a beautiful baby girl and
wonderful place to live and I should be
happy that I am working, but i just feel
like i am not good enough for my daughter,
my job, and not good enough to find
someone who is going to love me for me.
Brandon just kind of used me...I almost
feel like I was trash for leaving him but
now that I did I found out how he treated
me.
I am so depressed, I feel like crying all
the time. I don't, because solders
don’t cry. They are strong. I really
miss Shawn. I miss him so much. I just
wish he were here with me experiencing
everything that I am experiencing with
Melia. It’s just not fair that I have
to go through this alone, I didn’t clime
on myself and become pregnant. I know that
he didn’t like just walk away from me,
but I can’t help but wish he were here
for me and his little one. I loved him so
much. I feel alone, so alone.
I hate feeling like this. I can’t
sleep; I am eating like a pig. I just
want to drown in my bath and never come
out. No, I don’t want to kill myself. I
just feel so blah I guess.
Sorry for the downer…but thanks for
listening. |
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 03-14-07 08:20am
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Thanks ladies....I am kinda feeling a
little better today. I guess Shawn's
birthday was last week and I was just
missing him. oh and i found the bottle of
30 year old wine that was given to us on
your wedding day. we were going to save it
for our 10 year or the day we got
divorced. lol i know that is weird...but
hell we were an odd couple. so...it's been
sitting on my dresser for a few days...and
i have just been looking at it. I have
gained like 10 lbs in three weeks...what
the hell is that? oh my god.....oh and my
little girl doesn't need her mama anymore.
I know she does...but she is a big girl
now. almost 8 months
now.  i'll get over this
and be myself again.
| rainfire1424
wrote: | call me.
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sorry baby didnt' see this till this
morning...i kinda wrote this and decided
to have a drink...blah.....so i wouldn't
have been much of a talker. hehe. At
least i slept a little better last night.
that red wine helps. i love merlot.
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007
Posts: 3399
Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
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Posted: 03-14-07 08:24am
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| Sunflower_pie81
wrote: | | Thanks ladies....I am kinda
feeling a little better today. I guess
Shawn's birthday was last week and I was
just missing him. oh and i found the
bottle of 30 year old wine that was given
to us on your wedding day. we were going
to save it for our 10 year or the day we
got divorced. lol i know that is
weird...but hell we were an odd couple.
so...it's been sitting on my dresser for a
few days...and i have just been looking at
it. I have gained like 10 lbs in three
weeks...what the hell is that? oh my
god.....oh and my little girl doesn't need
her mama anymore. I know she does...but
she is a big girl now. almost 8 months
now. i'll get over this
and be myself
again. |
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 03-14-07 08:41am
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I know melly, she still needs her mama
when she gets tired of exploring new
things. She gets sooo tired these days
because she is doing so much more.
OOOhhhh she is such a big girl.
I know i sound really stupid right now. I
just feel so down. 
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006
Posts: 3165
Location: Vacationland, USA,
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Posted: 03-14-07 08:44am
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Raising kids is no easy job and your doing
it alone, as well as working a full-time
job!! I'm sure it's easy to get down and
feel blah, but you should be giving
yourself a big pat on the back.
Go buy yourself something!!! Get a
manicure!!!
Your a great mom!
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Eyes Wide Shut
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 7892
Location: *UPTOWN*NEW ORLEANS*, La
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Posted: 03-14-07 08:45am
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girl, you know you couldda called me!!!
YOu're strong. You're beautiful. ANd
you've created one of the most gorgeous
children on this earth. Just for that,
you're an awesome person!
I'm glad you had a good sleep! Sometimes
sleep is all youneed.
Know that you can call my phone whenever.
I just be chillin. Alllllll day! lol!
If you need to vent...hollaaaa!!
Sarah
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 03-14-07 08:50am
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Thanks sarah, i am just taking deep
breaths right now, trying to get thru all
of this....i will bounce back...but what
is with the weight gain???
oh and i did get my nails done 2 weeks
ago. they look so pretty. hehe they made
me feel better. i am going to have my
hair done too and hooefully that will
help....but we will see.....
i am going to go kiss my baby and give her
her breakfast now. see yall later.
love you guys.
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005
Posts: 5261
Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
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Bridget
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 10809
Location: ,
Thanks: 59
Thanked:42
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Posted: 03-14-07 09:29am
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i'm sorry you're feeling down, gen. hang
in there! we're all here for you.
you're a wonderful mother and amelia is
lucky to have you!
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megums1211
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Feb 2006
Posts: 883
Location: Ohio
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Posted: 03-14-07 10:33am
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Sorry you're feeling down Gen I couldn't even
begin to imagine what you're going
through... I wish I had something
encouraging to say... but I don't, I'm
drawing a blank... all I can say is I'm
sorry...
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